Lonely People
by TStabler
Summary: After suffering at the hands of their significant others, there are two more lonely people in the world tonight. Can they find their way to each other, and make things right, before they lose faith in love and friendship completely? Eventual E/O Future M
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: A new one. I heard a song lyric, just one, and this popped into my head. It is short, as it's a prologue, and will only become a full fic if you want it to…so…I hope you enjoy.**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story belongs to TStabler©**

Olivia Benson looked out of the window, watching the cars on the street below. She missed the sea of yellow cabs, the musical tones of honks and loud stereos, and shook her head at the quiet, swiftly passing traffic.

She sighed, blinking once, and moved to the middle of the living room, tossing the book in her hands into a box. She grabbed more books, tossing them into the box, and as each one dropped, a part of her heart fell with it. She knelt down and closed the box, then picked up a roll of clear, packing tape, sealing it shut. She dropped the tape and picked up a black marker, scrawling, _Benson. Books,_ on the top.

She pushed the box to the side and got to her feet, looking around. As much as she missed New York City, she would miss this place, too. She moved here to be with him, she thought her life was finally coming together. She believed she had found in him what she needed, what she wanted. She left her unit, her friends, her home, and her…her life. She left it all behind because he promised that they would have a life together here, that he would take care of her, that he would never leave her alone.

She looked from the crack in the ceiling down to her left hand, twirling the ring around her finger. Was she supposed to keep it? Was she supposed to leave it behind? Was she supposed to throw it off of the Golden Gate Bridge on her way out of San Fransisco? She didn't know. She didn't care. She just wanted it off.

She slid the platinum-banded diamond off of her finger and put it in the middle of the coffee table. She peered down at it, hoping that if she stared hard enough at it, it would burst into flames.

A large man in overalls came in, then, breaking her concentration. "Ma'am? Am I taking these?" he called, then he pointed to the two boxes near the door.

"Yeah," Olivia said. "That's the last of it. Thanks." She nodded to him as he lifted the large, heavy boxes, turning and walking out.

She looked around the living one more time, and she sighed, shaking her head. This is not what was supposed to happen. She didn't want to believe she had left everything and everyone she had ever really loved behind for nothing. She had to believe that she learned something from this. She ran a hand through her hair and she rolled her eyes, chuckling to herself.

The lesson, more like a realization, was simply that she was destined to be unhappy. The only person who had ever truly made her happy didn't love her the way he wanted her to, and the only person who came close had betrayed her.

She grabbed her keys and cleared her throat. "I will, uh, no, I actually won't. I was gonna say I'll call you when I get there, but I'm not going to. You'll just have to worry. Wonder if I made it or if I drove off a cliff, or got hit by a drunk driver, or got picked up by some psycho to be raped and killed and left on the side of the road. You'll just never know."

"You don't have to say things like that," the man, who had been watching her all night, said with folded arms.

Olivia turned to him. "You didn't have to fuck your partner," she said. "But you did. I hope you two are very happy together."

"Come on, Olivia," the man pleaded. "There's still time, just go tell the movers…"

"You knew," Olivia said, holding up a hand and glaring at him. "I don't trust, and I don't love, so when I do…it's all the way."

He scoffed. "You had him," he said bitterly.

Olivia seethed. "You made me leave New York to prove to you that…I haven't even called him! You were everything to me, Dean." She choked back the crying, not willing to show weakness now. She had a long drive, she could cry in the car. "I gave up everything for you, and then you ripped everything else away."

Dean shook his head, closing his eyes. "I fucked up," he said.

"You did," Olivia said. "Don't you dare call me or try to find me, and if you walk into my sqaudroom asking for federal favors, everyone in the unit is gonna…"

"Yeah," Dean said. "I know."

Olivia nodded curtly at him, turned, and walked out of the house. She made it all the way to her car with her head held high, her face filled with self-assuredness. She smirked as she got into the driver's side, and she put both hands on the wheel. For a moment, she thought she was okay. But then she felt the tears, the burning in her nose and the pain in her eyes. She let out a harsh sob as she reached down and turned the key. She shook her head and started driving, following the truck, crying hysterically as she headed home.

* * *

"So this is it," Elliot said, turning to the blonde behind him.

She nodded. "Yeah," she said. "It's funny," she scoffed. "I thought with her gone, things would be better."

Elliot nodded. "That's why I let her leave," he admitted. "I thought you would lighten up, go back to your old, sweet, loving self. But, no, things got worse. Now you know it was never her, Kathy. The problem has always been you."

Kathy folded her arms. "You got worse when she left, too, so don't pin this all on me. You went from talking to me on weekends to not talking to me at all. You stayed at the station later than you ever did with her, your job is in jeopardy because you won't give your new partner a chance. You're distant, and cold, and angry all the time. What did you expect?"

Elliot chuckled. "He got fired, ya know," he said. "Dan. Cragen came out of his office, huge grin on his face, and he fired Dan. I don't have a new partner anymore. Guy couldn't cut it anyway, he was always…"

"Elliot!" Kathy yelled. "You're in the middle of leaving…of walking out of here for the last time, and you wanna talk about your job now?"

Elliot sighed. "Anything's better than talking about why I'm leaving," he hissed. "Did you tell the kids?" he asked.

"Maureen knows," Kathy said, biting her lip. "Kathleen knows, but chooses to believe you're the one at fault here, and the twins…they just know that you're going. They don't know why."

Elliot nodded. "I'm fighting like hell for them," he said. "You know that."

"I'm prepared," Kathy said, nodding. "I don't see why joint custody isn't…"

"I don't want either of you around my kids!" Elliot yelled. "Fuck, Kathy, you're gonna teach them that adultery is okay and the consequences of your actions don't matter! That's not what I want my kids around!"

Kathy let a tear roll down her cheek as his words hit her. "Elliot, please…"

"And you," Elliot said, turning to the man beside Kathy. "You were supposed to be my friend. I went to you when I had no one else, Fin. When I couldn't handle...when I almost…this is what you do?"

Fin looked at him, expressionless, and just shrugged. "It happened," was all he offered.

"Yeah," Elliot said. "A couple of times," he spat. "I'll send a truck for my things, and have the kids pack their bags. This is fight I intend to win, Kathy. You have no idea who you two have just fucked with, do you?"

Kathy looked at Fin, who sighed. They watched Elliot grab his bags and walk out the door, wondering what kind of trouble he would cause for them.

Elliot threw his bags into the trunk of his car, then got in, thinking. He lost the lease on his apartment in the city months ago, and he had no one there he could disturb at midnight. No one he trusted, since his wife and best friend were no longer either of those things. He smirked, looking at his keys. There was one place, one apartment in the city, still being rented by a close friend, and he had a key. He drove off, heading toward Manhattan, unaware that he was crying.

There were two more lonely people in the world, and if fate had its way, they would find their way to each other.

But fate was never one to do things the easy way.

**A/N: The start? The end? The choice is yours. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Back by popular demand. Hope this will be an epic journey. =)**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU and characters, TStabler© owns this story.**

She had been shot, stabbed, kicked, punched. She'd broken bones, taken nasty falls, wrestled with men twice her size. Nothing hurt like leaving, and nothing hurt like going back because she failed, again.

She looked down at her cell phone, shook her head, and tapped the "end-call" button. She tossed the device on the seat, and as she drove east, she scoffed at herself. "He wouldn't pick up," she declared to her empty car. "Even if you let it ring more than once."

She looked out at the road, seeing the moving truck in front of her as the only recognizable vehicle. She wondered how often they changed drivers. Was it every time they stopped for gas? She sniffled, remembering how she and Elliot used to decide who would take shifts on stakeouts. Heads or tails, which hand is it in, rock-paper-scissors, and other childish games decided who had to stay awake while the other napped.

She laughed at the memory, and then she felt another warm tear slide down her cheek. Would he be happy to see her? Would he hate her? Had he forgotten all about her? Had he and Kathy made another beautiful baby in her absence? Would her going back destroy his world? She didn't know; she didn't care.

She was going back to where she felt safe; where she felt needed and wanted; where Dean Porter was not going to hurt her anymore. She was leaving his cheating ass far behind, and leaving him to pay for a fifty-thousand dollar wedding that wouldn't happen all by himself. "Shit," she said, hitting her steering wheel. "My dress," she remembered, shaking her head. "Well," she sighed, cracking the window open slightly to let air into her suddenly stuffy car, "Not like I'll ever need it now."

She picked up her phone again, hitting the re-dial icon, then cursed under her breath and hung up. Why was it so hard to call him?

* * *

"You okay, Stabler?" Munch asked, tilting his head.

Elliot looked up at the older detective and shook his head. He was not okay. He had the weekend from hell. He spent the last two nights, alone in the dark, cold, empty apartment of his best friend, whom he missed terribly. He spent two nights, immobile, in her bed, holding her pillow, wishing it was her, and that thought scared him. Everything smelled like her, and it only made his heart shatter completely, finishing the job that his wife had left undone.

His emotions hit him all at once as he curled up in her sheets, the ones he found in a sealed bag in her closet, as if she knew she'd come back one day, or as if she left them just for him.

He was going through a divorce, leaving the only woman he'd ever been with, the only life he'd ever known. He was betrayed by someone he trusted, and he thought he was probably in love with someone he was never going to see again, whose wedding he was going to in three weeks.

He cleared his throat, breaking himself out of the thoughts, and looked at Munch again. "I don't wanna talk about it," he said. He felt his phone vibrate and reached for it, and when he pulled it out, he sighed. "Damn. That's the seventh time."

"What?" Munch asked, curious.

"My phone keeps ringing, but whoever it is keeps hanging up," Elliot said. "I check the missed calls, but…I think there's something wrong with my phone."

Munch peered over his glasses at Elliot and said, "maybe it's someone from beyond the grave trying to contact you."

Elliot chuckled. "Close enough," he said, looking up at the man.

Cragen came through the squad room doors then, putting two boxes on the desk across from Elliot. "Put Dan's stuff in the empty one," he told Elliot, "And put the stuff in the other box, uh, anywhere you can. Just…make it look good. You'll know where it goes."

"So, I don't have a partner, so you give me chores?" Elliot snapped, offended.

Cragen looked down at him. "Yeah," he said, folding his arms. He turned heading for the office as Elliot rose to look through the box.

Elliot noticed something, something that upset him, and he yelled, "Oh, hell no! Cap, this is…"

"I know what it is," Cragen interrupted, turning around.

Elliot shook his head, dropping the purple stapler he'd picked up back into the box. "No piece of shit rookie is gonna sit here and use…"

"You're right," Cragen interjected again. He smirked at Elliot, nodded once, and said, "Just fix the damned desk, Stabler." He headed into his office before there could be any more discussion about it.

Elliot ran a hand down his face, shaking his head. This would be difficult, horribly difficult. He opened the desk drawer, pulling out the Koosh balls and dice that his last partner left behind. He tossed them into the empty box. He was about to reach into the box of office supplies and photo frames, when Fin walked into the room.

"Morning," Fin chirped, heading for his desk.

Elliot bit his tongue, remembering where he was, and who he was, and that personal things should never interfere with work. He took a deep breath, trying to remain civil. "Fuck you," he said. Well, so much for civility.

Munch narrowed his eyes. "Is that how you kids say 'hello' now?" he asked, folding his arms.

"No," Elliot said, shaking his head. He grabbed his keys and said, "That's how us kids say 'that son of a bitch has been sleeping with my wife for the past four months." He left the room, shouting over his shoulder, "Tell the captain I'll be back."

Munch turned, very slowly, and looked at Fin, who slumped over in his chair and hid his head in his hands.

* * *

The signs were rolling by with the miles, she was aware that she was speeding and had passed up her truck hours ago. She needed to get there, and she needed to get there fast. Her head was clearing up as she drove, she was starting to think about what she had done wrong, making this her fault the way she always did, and she needed the city's distractions.

Suddenly, her phone rang, a ringtone she hadn't heard in a year, and she kept one hand on the wheel as she reached to answer it. "Benson," she said, her voice only wavering slightly. "Yeah, Cap. It's good to hear your voice, too. You did? That was fast," she laughed. "If I drive straight through, tonight. No, uh, I haven't. Okay. Thanks, Cap. Uh, no…I will, though. Bye." She sighed as she hung up, shaking her head.

Cragen told her to call Elliot. It sounded so simple. "Elliot," she sighed, shaking her head, "Damn."

* * *

Elliot had gone back to work after walking around the block, three times, with clenched fists. He held more resentment for Fin than for Kathy. His wife had been right, he realized, and he was more of an ass without Olivia. He expected Kathy to find the comfort she needed from someone else, since he was incapable of giving it to her.

He just didn't expect it to be Fin. The guy who became his best friend in Olivia's absence, the only one who knew how he truly felt about her leaving, and how he planned to talk to her, tell her how he really felt before she walked down the aisle, into that asshole's arms. Not that he expected it to change anything.

Maybe that was why, he thought for a moment. Maybe Fin was, in a way, making things easier. Making the choice for him.

He cleaned out the desk and put all of Olivia's things in it, on it, and around it, holding in the urge to cry and curse as he did it. Once he was finished, he decided that he could leave. He wasn't needed anymore.

He drove back to the apartment, thinking. He got there, climbed the stairs, turned his key, and stepped inside, shocked by the heat. "What the…" he mumbled. Someone had the heat turned on. He took a chance and flipped the switch on the wall to his left and both eyebrows shot up.

Electricity.

He furrowed his brow, then, putting the pieces together. Her stuff being put back into her and onto her desk. Her lights and heat being turned back on. Her calling him, and hanging up. She was coming back.

She was coming home.

At least, that's what he was hoping. He needed her. He needed someone to make the pain go away, and it had always been her. He closed his eyes and turned off the lights, dropped his keys and took off his jacket, and headed into her bedroom.

He stripped down to his boxers and crawled into the bed, inhaling deeply as his head hit the pillow. It was just wishful thinking, he thought. She was getting married, she had given up the apartment, the landlord was getting ready to rent it out, and when he was asked to, he would leave. That's what he believed, that's what he forced himself to believe.

He didn't want to get his hopes up.

His physical and emotional exhaustion took over, and he was asleep in moments, forgetting his brief excitement over Olivia possibly coming home and dreaming about absolutely nothing. The jostle of the doorknob woke him, though, he wasn't as asleep as he thought.

He shot up and grabbed his gun, running into the living room. He yelled, "Freeze!" and aimed his gun at the figure coming through the door, which had suddenly moved and aimed its own gun at him.

The figure shot an arm out and turned on the light.

Elliot dropped his gun. He took a breath and let out a shocked, short, chuckle. He looked at her for a moment, not believing she was really there. He felt the tears coming and he sniffled. "Hey, Liv," he whispered.

Olivia, staring into his eyes, not noticing he was in nothing but his boxers, did something she promised herself she wouldn't do. She dropped her gun and shook her head. She blinked once, feeling her lower lip quiver. And then she ran to him.

She threw her arms around him.

And she cried.

**A/N: A night spent talking. But about what? How will they help each other heal? Will they do it at all? How long will it take? And when Olivia gets a phone call she doesn't want, Elliot steps in. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: How much has changed?**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters? Dick Wolf. This story? TStabler©**

Nothing, no one, had ever felt so good in his arms, but he hated that she wasn't happy. He had imagined this hug, this moment, as happier. "Shh," he soothed, moving one hand to the small of her back, calming circles being drawn. "I got you, Liv. I'm right her, I got you."

"What the hell are you doing…in my apartment?" she asked thought her harsh sobs, her head buried in the crook of his neck and her arms still wrapped around him tight.

Elliot chuckled. That was Olivia. Ignoring her emotions and any attempt to break down her walls, she relied on wit. "I needed a place to stay," he said, dropping his head to her shoulder, too. "I didn't think you'd mind."

"I almost...shot you," she cried, her tears hitting his skin. She nuzzled his comforting, and comfortable, shoulder, only then noticing he was shirtless.

"I almost shot you," he retorted. "We're even." Not trusting himself to remain standing, since he felt weak with her crying in his arms, he tried to move to the couch, but he felt her pull on him, felt her shake her head vigorously. "Liv, I'm not letting you go, I just…do you wanna sit down?"

Olivia stilled in his arms and let out a shivering sigh and sniffled. "Yeah," she said, nodding slowly.

Elliot kept his arms around her as he walked her to the drop-cloth covered couch, and he sat, half expecting her to pull away and curl up in a ball.

Instead, she got as close to him as she could, making him a part of the ball she had, in fact, curled into. "I missed you," she whispered, hating herself for giving him that, hating herself for letting him see that side of her.

"Oh, you have no idea," he whispered in return, smoothing his hand over her neck and back. "I missed you more than I thought I would," he admitted. He held her for a few more moments, feeling her against him, watching the tragically beautiful scene unfold, her amazing eyes leaking and her sobs, to him, musical. He'd never seen her cry before, and it was mystifying.

Olivia knew he was watching, witnessing, but she had been holding this in for a year, and seeing him so suddenly popped the cork. She was letting go, and pride didn't matter. "God," she cried, "I missed you."

"Why are you crying?" he asked softly, a hand brushing through her hair. "Liv, why…why'd you come back?" he asked, a twinge of anger in voice. If she was here and crying, that son a bitch hurt her, and he needed to pay.

Olivia shook her head slowly. "What did you expect?" she asked, sounding like her usual, jaded self. "I find someone I'm ready to give everything to, and I do, and he just…lets me down."

"What happened?" Elliot asked, pulling her closer. He would never let her down; she needed to know that.

"He went away for a month," she said, sinking into him, sniffling. "A case he was on in Fresno, and they sent him with some…blonde."

Elliot's eyes closed. He knew. "Shit," he let slip out of his mouth. "Don't tell me…"

"Yeah," Olivia said. "So I'm home being fitted for a two-thousand dollar dress, which, by the way, I left in my closet, and trying to patch things up with an uncle I haven't seen since I was three so I don't have an entirely empty side at the Church, and he's in some motel room fucking his partner nine ways from Saturday." She let out a harsh sob. "All the times Kathy accused you and me, and...it's ironic," she scoffed with a sniffle.

"I never liked him, you know that," Elliot said. "You were happy, I know you were. And you loved him, I know that, too. But he didn't deserve you. This is…this is really a good thing," he told her.

Olivia sniffed. "My heart being ripped out of my chest is a good thing?" she scoffed. "Nice to know you care, Elliot," she said with a soft sob.

"Liv," Elliot moaned pulling her into his lap, "I mean, it's better that this happened now, because if he was so quick to cheat, he was going to do it no matter what. I'm glad it happened now, and not after the wedding. What if you had kids? What if you had…what if you'd known the other person?" he asked, his voice dropping. "Trust me. This is the best thing that could have happened to you, because watching your wife and kids slip away…"

"Elliot," Olivia interrupted, picking her head up, "Oh, my God, what did she do?"

Elliot looked into Olivia's red eyes, his own tears falling slowly. "Fin," he said with a shrug. "Four months," he said with a bitter chuckle. "I was so…I was so ignorant of everything having to do with her that…don't look at me like that. It's okay. I'm okay."

She lifted a hand and caressed his cheek, looking deeply into his eyes. "El, I'm so…I've been crying all over you and I didn't even ask how you…" she stopped. She looked into his blue eyes and something in her snapped into pieces. "You know," she whispered, searching his eyes, moving closer.

"I know…what?" he asked, holding his breath. He thought she was going to kiss him, and he wasn't planning on stopping her.

She dropped her forehead to his, changing her plans, and closed her eyes. "I'm such an idiot," she said pitiful. "I thought that he would actually be…" she stopped and shook her head, not wanting to cry again, finding it so hard. "What's wrong with me?" she asked.

"What?" Elliot asked her, stunned. "Nothing, Liv! Porter's a fucking numb…"

"I gave up my entire life," she interrupted. "I quit my job, that I loved more than anything. I moved across the fucking country for him, because he needed me to, and left everyone I loved behind. I…I lost the only person in the world who ever really meant anything to me, besides him, and I did it all for nothing. Who the hell does that?"

Elliot tilted his head. "Not for nothing. You did it for love," he said. "When you're in love you will do anything, no matter how hard, no matter how painful, to make it work with that person. And you thought you were marrying him, you thought you were spending the rest of your life with him."

Olivia laughed at that. "That's the thing. How could I have thought that?" she asked. "If he really loved me, the way he claimed he did, he wouldn't have made me choose. He wouldn't have made me…"

"Yeah," Elliot said. "Same thing with Kathy. Every time it got bad, she threw transfer papers in my face, and after you left…well, obviously, Benson, you were not the problem."

"So I really did leave for nothing," she whispered.

"What?" Elliot asked, tilting his head and narrowing his eyes.

Olivia looked away from him quickly. "Nothing," she uttered.

"What did that mean?" Elliot asked, pushing the issue.

Olivia sighed. "I thought leaving would be better for you, too. I thought she'd stop blaming you if the reason she was so angry all the time was gone." She shrugged. "I was happy and in love with, or I thought I was in love with a wonderful guy. Leaving just seemed right."

"Letting you go," Elliot said, nodding, "Seemed right at the time, too. I wanted you to be happy, and you deserved to be loved. I thought it would give us all a chance to be better, because we…you and me, Liv, we have…had…something. Didn't we?" he asked. "Something that, for some reason, kept us from being able to give everything to other people, kept me from giving everything I had to Kathy. Kept you from trusting yourself to be happy with Dean if you were still here."

Olivia looked away from him again, she couldn't tell him that, couldn't let him know that. He already knew too much. "I'm really tired. I've been driving for days," she said, pulling away from him. She got to her feet and rubbed her eyes, then headed toward the bedroom. "I'm just gonna go to…have you been sleeping in my bed?" she asked, suddenly looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

Elliot paled. He had been, and he'd been cuddling with her pillow, and he'd loved every orange-blossom scented minute of it. "Yeah," he said. "I, uh…I'll stay on the couch."

"I don't…" she stopped. She didn't want to seam weak, but she knew she couldn't help how she felt, what she wanted to ask. The words came out in a pathetic whisper, and she closed her eyes, not wanting to see his reaction. "I don't wanna be alone tonight."

Elliot's heart broke. Shattered into pieces. He got off the couch, walked over to her, and took her chin in his hand, turning her head toward him. "You won't be. I will never leave you alone," he said. "As long as…" he took a breath and said, "As long as you can promise me the same thing. You don't get to leave again."

Olivia chuckled and sniffled, laughing through her tears. "I'm not," she said. "Look around, El," she said, her eyes roaming her apartment. "I kept the place, left everything here…" she broke off with a shrug. "Part of me knew I'd be coming home."

Elliot brushed her hair back again and gave her a gentle push. "Come on," he said, "We could both use some sleep." He laughed when she flopped into her bed, and his eyes widened a little bit when she kicked off her shoes and slid her jeans off, crawling under her covers in nothing but her shirt and black panties. He blinked and tried to swallow as he moved around to the other side of the bed.

Olivia sighed as her head hit her pillow, taking comfort in familiarity, and she faced the wall as the bed shifted, telling her Elliot was now in bed. With her. She rolled over to face him, studying him as he stared at the ceiling. She had missed him so much, and now, here he was. It was like he was waiting for her. She raised a hand, her fingers brushing his shoulder gently, and said, "I'm really sorry about Kathy. I can't believe Fin would…"

"Don't," Elliot said, shaking his head. "I've thought it over a hundred times, and the only one I can honestly blame here is myself, so…I mean, yeah, and Fin, but…" he stopped talking and turned his head, his eyes meeting hers. "You don't think this is weird?"

"We've shared a bed before," Olivia said, her heavy eyelids closing and popping open. She was trying to stay awake for him. "We were just…not this…we had pants on before…" she babbled.

Elliot chuckled. "No, I mean, Kathy and Fin, and Dean…you coming home at the same time I leave my wife…it's almost…" he was interrupted when the shrill chirping of her cell phone blared throughout the room. The song that she'd chosen for the wedding. It was Dean.

"Son of a bitch," Olivia spat, shooting up. "I told him not to call me! I swear to God, if he…"

Elliot held up a hand, silencing her, and leaned over, reaching for her pants. He pulled her phone out of her pocket and tapped the button. "Hey, asshole," he said, smirking and leaning back on the bed.

Olivia stared, shocked. She was speechless, just watching Elliot fall back into his old habit of torturing Dean. Only this time, he had a much bigger and better reason, and would take it too far. "Hang up," she hissed.

Elliot held up a finger. "No, she doesn't want to talk to you. I don't have to ask her, I know. No, I'm not gonna tell her that. You fucked up, and you let the best thing that's ever happened to you walk out of your life." His face was suddenly narrow and angry. "You hurt her, and you know what I do to people who hurt her, don't you?" he asked.

Olivia's eyes widened. "Elliot, put the phone…"

"No, that's the television," Elliot said, raising his hand to cover Olivia's mouth. "She wants…no, she wants the money, actually. Sell it, send her a check, certified. No, dick, mail it. If you come within a thousand feet…oh, really? We'll see. If I find out you're anywhere near New York, you're in for it. Stay away from her," he threatened, his world coming out as almost a growl.

Olivia was trying to pull Elliot's hand off of her, but when she heard his last words, she stopped fighting, and she looked at him. He was looking at her. Their eyes were locked.

"She's not going to be with someone if…if she's gonna come second," Elliot said into the phone, but kept his eyes on hers. "She loves…so wholly, so completely, and she deserves…" he paused. "Do you know what you just gave up, man?" he asked, shaking his head.

Olivia sighed, still staring into his eyes, a tear dripping out from her opened eyes. Elliot moved his hand from her mouth to her cheek, and he brushed the drop away with his thumb.

"Don't call her, don't write to her, don't even think about her," he told Dean, his gaze still fixed on Olivia. He smirked, something Dean said must have been funny. "Yeah, I know it's impossible. Deal with it." He tapped the button on the phone and tossed it onto the end table, then pulled Olivia into his arms. "I never stopped thinking about you," he whispered.

Olivia felt them falling back down onto the mattress, and she held him tighter. "I missed you so much," she said, even though she'd already told him.

"It's okay to cry," he said, feeling her tense up and shake. "I'm not gonna tell anyone," he joked.

Olivia chuckled as a tear landed on his chest. "Even with him…I was so lonely without you. I tried to call. I picked up the phone a hundred times, but I didn't think…I just didn't know if we were okay."

Elliot squeezed her and buried them under the covers. "We're okay. We're gonna be okay, Liv," he promised. "Go to sleep," he told her softly, giving her a gentle kiss on her forehead. "I'll be right here when you wake up."

Olivia nodded against his chest. She closed her eyes. All she could see, though, were images of Dean and her memories with him falling like shattering picture frames. She held him tighter and uncontrollable tears began to fall. Again.

"Liv, baby, please," Elliot said, softly, rubbing her back and trying to calm her.

"I really loved him," Olivia said, nuzzling into his chest as she started drifting, crying herself to sleep.

Elliot pulled her, wrapping her around him, holding her, cradling her, and whispered, "I know you did, honey."

Olivia's last tear fell, and the last thought in her mind, the last thing she almost said as she fell into a deep sleep, was _But not as much as I love you._

She would tell him. Eventually. When she was sure it was real, and not just the desperate musings of a broken heart.

**A/N: Back to work, back to reality, and they deal with unpacking: throwing out things, and people, they no longer need. Prepare for a night of ritualistic breakup fun! Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Nobody wants to be lonely, and in the company of a true friend, they never will be. **

**DISCLIAMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU and Characters. TStabler© owns this story.**

The middle of the night found Olivia and Elliot cuddled together. Probably out of habit, as neither had slept alone in a long while, but something about this felt right. Something in the way they fit against each other, felt comfortable and safe, too right to move. They both stayed still, enjoying the comfort, thought they were both awake.

Olivia'd awakened as a result of being too tired to function, too hungry to sleep, and too nervous about being in bed with Elliot, now that part of her brain knew she could have him if she wanted. And she wanted. That is what scared her the most.

Elliot woke up when he thought he heard Olivia crying. He was relieved to find out in wasn't her, but his imagination. The sound of her sobs had been ringing in his ears all night; he never wanted to hear or see her cry again.

He moved his hands, slowly, up and down her back. He placed a small kiss on the top of her head. He felt some of the damage Kathy had done to his heart mend as he looked down at her, and he smiled. "You can open your eyes," he said. "I know you, Liv. You're awake."

Olivia opened one eye and peered up at him. "How long have you been up?" she asked.

"Half an hour, maybe? Don't really know. I couldn't…I couldn't really calm down enough to sleep after that phone call." He knew his hand was moving again, but he did nothing to stop it. "I can't wrap my head around why anyone would want to…"

"He didn't want kids," Olivia said suddenly.

Elliot furrowed his brow at the statement, coming from nowhere. "What?" he asked, sitting up a bit as he kept her wrapped in his arms.

Olivia sighed. "We fought a lot over the last few months He was angry and i was hurt, because he told me he didn't want kids, and you know, and he knew, that I do. I want them. A lot of them," she said, her index finger tracing light circles on his chest absently.

He moaned very quietly, then wondered if this is how she slept with Dean, and then he shook that thought away. "You're gonna be an amazing mother," he told her with a smile.

Olivia scoffed. "Yeah, well, anyway, I refused to go back on the pill, he refused to sleep with me until I did. See, so it's my fault he…"

"No, baby," Elliot said shaking his head, "He did this. He destroyed you, and his own life. You are…ya know what, I can't even tell you. I could list a bunch of words, but they'd be meaningless. You're impossible to describe, because you're that damn incredible."

She looked at him as if he was crazy, raising one eyebrow and tilting her head. "What drugs did you start taking while I was gone?" she asked.

He laughed. "I'm telling you the truth," he said. "Liv, you could do so much better than that little fucker. I told you that from the moment I met him."

Olivia nodded. "You did," she said. "But you know what they say, when you love someone…"

"You don't notice their flaws," he finished. "I know."

"No, I was gonna say you don't care about their flaws," she said. "I notice your flaws, Elliot." Her eyes widened a bit and she quickly said, "I noticed his. I just…I thought it wouldn't matter. We didn't talk about kids until recently, so I…"

Elliot held a finger to her lips. "You don't have to explain, you don't have to defend yourself. This was not your fault, Liv. He's an ass. Move on, get your life back, and…if you can, I mean, if you want to…help me get mine back."

Olivia saw the hope and despair mixing in his eyes. She sighed and said, "I'll do what I can, El."

"You came home," he whispered. "You've already done more than you know." He blinked once and said, "I can't remember the last time I felt this relaxed. I don't know when the last time I smiled like this was, and I can't remember the last time I had a conversation like this."

"Me either," Olivia said. "To be honest, Dean and I…we never really talked about much. Cooking, football, work…the one time we talk about anything serious I realized he wanted me to give up my dreams for him, as if taking away my friends and life here wasn't enough. You were right," she said, dropping her head to his chest again. "It's a good thing I didn't marry him," she said, and then she noticed her hand moving idly over his chest. She felt his hand caressing her and realized she didn't mind. It was the first time in a long while that she felt a connection with the man in her bed, felt loved. She closed her eyes, heard Elliot say a soft goodnight, and fell asleep.

* * *

"Benson!" Munch yelled, striding over to her and hugging her. "Are you visiting? Staying with the Stablers?" he asked.

"No, Munch," she said, looking around the squad room. "Um, I'm…I'm back."

Munch tilted his head, knowing what that meant, and said, "Bastard doesn't know what he gave up."

"Yes, he does," Elliot said, sipping coffee from the white and green cup in his hands.

Munch chuckled. "It's wonderful to see you, Benson," he said. "Maybe you can calm Stabler the hell down. He's been a dick for the last eleven months."

Olivia folded her arms. "I was gone for…"

"Yeah," Munch interrupted with a nod. "For that first month he didn't talk, so I don't know how much of a dick he was."

Olivia laughed and shot Elliot a look. "You? Quiet?" she asked, folding her arms. "I should leave more often."

"Please, don't," Elliot said, pain flashing in his eyes.

Olivia softened her look and shook her head. "No worries, El," she promised.

"There she is!" Cragen yelled from his office door. He sped over and pulled her into a hug, too, and said, "Welcome home, Olivia." He pulled back and looked at her, giving her a sad smile. "Listen, kid. I know what you're going through, and I know you had a rough couple of days. If you need time to deal with…"

"I'm fine," she interjected. "What have we got?" she asked, eager to get to work, waiting for the distraction.

Cragen pressed his lips together, knowing then that nothing had changed. She was still the same, old, Olivia, who was going to bottle everything up until she popped. Little did he know, she had unloaded all of her emotions on Elliot the night before. "Okay," he said with a defeated shrug. "You and Stabler have a vic at Mercy. Nineteen year old waitress says a guy assumed she was on the menu. Hit on her the whole time he was there, and she claims he attacked her after her shift."

Olivia ran a hand through her hair. "Ya know," she said, "The sex crimes in California were a lot more…inventive."

Elliot rose from his seat and looked at her. "We can trade war stories tonight," he said with a grin. "You ready to get back to work, Detective Benson?" he asked.

"With you?" she asked, pointing at him. "Hell no," she teased. "But seeing as you're my partner, I have no choice." She smacked him on the shoulder and they headed out, getting a few feet down the hallway before they noticed Fin walking toward them.

Fin looked around for a moment, then stopped, dead in his tracks. "Olivia?" he asked, stunned. "Shit, Baby-Girl!" he yelled, running toward her. He wrapped his arms around her before he could be stopped. "Man, you are a sight for sore eyes," he said, squeezing her.

"Get off of me," she said to him, her voice cold.

Fin very slowly pulled his arms away from her, then looked at Elliot. "He told you," he assumed, looking back at Olivia.

"Yeah," she said with a nod. "I'm not going to ask for an explanation, because there isn't one. I'm not exactly the same girl I was when I left him behind, but I'm pretty damn sure he's still my partner, and my best friend, and I'm sorry, but I'm on his side here."

"I thought you'd be," Fin said, sighing. "Guess we're not gonna pick up where we left off, huh?" he asked, folding his arms.

"Guess not," Olivia said, looking away from Fin. She leaned into him, dropping her voice. "You were supposed to keep him sane, safe. You were his best friend, Fin. What the hell were you thinking?"

Fin shrugged. "It just happened, Liv," he said. "I can't explain it, I can't give you a reason. I'm sorry I hurt him, but I'm not sorry about bein' with her. She told me they were gettin' divorced, Liv. She didn't say anythin' else about him."

Olivia flinched. She could only imagine what Dean must have told his partner, what lies he must have spouted in order to get her to sleep with him. "I thought you'd be different, Fin. You had integrity and your friends came first. Guess I was wrong. All men only care about one thing," she spat harshly. "You just destroyed a family to get it," she hissed.

Fin looked at her, speechless and pale, as her words hit him. "Liv, it wasn't like that. It's not a sex…"

"Save it," Olivia said, shaking her head.

"We gotta go," Elliot said, unable to stand being around Fin any longer.

Olivia nodded, then glared at Fin as she walked toward the elevator with Elliot. She pushed the call button, the doors opened, and they stepped inside. Once the doors closed, Elliot's anger got the best of him and he threw a hard punch, hitting the wall.

The elevator jerked and halted, the light flickered and then went out, and through the darkness, Olivia snickered. "You broke the fucking elevator," she said. "Way to go, Stabler."

"I didn't think…this couldn't have been me," he said, shocked, a little scared, and a little nervous. Being alone with her, in the dark, in this tiny box, was something of a fantasy for him. One he couldn't act out.

"Calm down," Olivia said, finding his shoulder in the blackness. "It wasn't you. I think we just lost power." She reached into her pocket and pulled out her penlight, scanning the walls for the button panel.

"Got it," Elliot said, smacking the red button. They didn't hear the alarm go off, so he hit it again. "Are you fucking kidding?" he asked, irritated. He hit it one more time, and the alarm still could not be heard. "Guess we really did lose power."

"The one time in how long we don't take the damned stairs," Olivia joked, sliding down to the floor. "Sit," she said. "You're gonna make me nervous."

"What did you say to him?" he asked, finding a spot on the floor beside her.

"Who?" Olivia asked, not wanting to talk about it.

Elliot pushed her playfully with his shoulder. "Come on," he said.

Olivia sighed. "I told him that I thought he was different. I couldn't see Fin doing something like that to you. Then…I may have taken some of my own anger out on him."

"How?" Elliot asked, the heat getting to him. He slipped off his jacket and undid his tie and top two buttons.

Olivia, also feeling stuffy, took off her blazer. "I told him that men only wanted one thing, and…" she stopped, then she sighed. "Maybe I'm better off single," she said. "This would have happened no matter who I was with, right? It's gonna happen again. It's…"

"That's not true," Elliot said, finding her face and cupping her chin with one hand. "Olivia Benson, on behalf of my gender I apologize for our sex-crazed, selfish, moronic behavior, but I promise not all men are like that. Not all men lie, and not all men cheat. I never have."

Olivia blinked. "I didn't include you in that generalization," she said. She chuckled and said, "I was talking about men who are readily available. Who would only…"

"But I wanted to," he admitted, cutting her off. "God, Liv, I thought about it, had crazy dreams about it, one time I swear I went home and almost confessed to actually cheating on her because a dream I had up in the cribs felt so fucking real."

Olivia took a breath. "Wow," she said. "So you just have amazing moral fiber and will power."

Elliot laughed. "Yeah, I do," he said. "I also loved her. I loved her so much, it just…I guess it wasn't enough."

"I know that feeling," Olivia said. "You don't wanna hurt them so you keep quiet, and you realize your silence is the reason you lost them."

Elliot hummed in agreement. "And as for you. It's not gonna happen again," he told her. "I'm pretty sure the next guy who sweeps you off of your feet is gonna love you until the day he dies, and you're gonna be the only woman in the world for him."

Olivia dropped her head to his shoulder and said, "Maybe you're right. But I don't want to find out. Not yet. I'm not…I need time."

"We both do," Elliot said, kissing the top of her head. "That's why I'm glad you're home. We can get each other through this. Keep each other company, make each other laugh, because I haven't laughed in…a long time."

"That's what we do," Olivia said, nodding. "It's what we've always done." She looked up and found his eyes in the dark. "Until that perfect man you think is coming along gets here, I'm happy just being with you."

He smirked, and looked down at her. "Hey, Liv?"

"What?" she shot up to him in reply.

"You know I have to approve of this guy, whoever he is," he said, looking at her.

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Maybe this time I'll actually listen to you," she said. "If he ever shows up."

Elliot laughed and saw her smile. He sighed a bit, pulled her closer to him, and promised himself that he would be that man for her, and he would make sure she never felt betrayed or lonely again. That is, if he could make her fall in love with him.

He would find out soon that it was a lot easier than he thought, which would only make it that much harder.

**A/N: His first step in the right direction, a conversation about his last year with Kathy, talks of San Francisco's SVU, and Fin tries to explain things to Elliot. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: His first step in the right direction, a conversation about his last year with Kathy, talks of San Francisco's SVU, and Fin tries to explain things to Elliot.**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU and Characters. TStabler© owns this story.**

"That's nothing," Olivia said, popping a toasted almond into her mouth. She was thankful that she always had a snack in her pocket. She handed a couple of nuts to Elliot and said, "One asshat actually carved his initials into the victims' shoulders."

"Ow," Elliot coughed, chewing.

Olivia chuckled. "Yeah," she said. "Wouldn't have been so easy to get him if his name wasn't Lyle Zycewsky."

"Pretty rare initials," Elliot laughed. He sighed and sat up straighter, not minding the fact that his shirt was completely open since it was so dark that Olivia couldn't see him, and he cleared his throat. "So, what was your partner like?"

"She was obnoxious," Olivia said. "She reminded me of...if Monique Jefferies and Brian Cassidy had a baby, and it was an evil bitch, she would be that child."

He laughed, a hearty laugh, and he said, "I am so sorry. I guess that means I'm still your favorite partner, huh?" he teased, nudging her.

"Favorite," she said with a nod. "And only. I don't want anyone else, ever. You promise me right now that I am your partner, and you are mine, until one of retires or dies, because I hated..."

"You got yourself a deal," Elliot laughed, cutting her off. He sighed, feeling great relief at the easy conversation, but he knew he had to tell her the truth. "Hey, you, uh, asked about Kathy."

Olivia hummed, trying to get comfortable. "You wanna talk about it now?" she asked.

"We called Cragen an hour ago, and no one has come to get us," he told her. "Might as well keep talking, right?"

"Right," Olivia chuckled.

Elliot took a deep breath and said, "This year...I thought you leaving was a good thing, ya know? Thought you were finally getting the life you deserved, thought Kathy would stop being so jealous and crazy, but...like I said, it got worse. She kept accusing me of calling you in the middle of the night, she started checking my email, and she started screening the calls on the land line, hoping to catch you calling me."

"Shit," Olivia said, both eyebrows high in the air.

"I assured her I wasn't talking to you, that you weren't in my life anymore," he said. "I said it so much that I started to believe it, too. And it hurt, so fucking much, Liv."

"It was killing me, too, El," Olivia guaranteed.

Elliot shook his head. "I couldn't breathe easily, couldn't eat much when I was thinking about you, couldn't sleep. I was impossible to work with because no partner measured up to you, and I was so close to quitting." He sent her a glance and said, "I talked to Kathy. I actually talked to her, the way I used to talk to you, the way she always wanted me to talk to her. She couldn't take it, Liv. I mean, she cried and she told me to never talk to her about a case again."

Olivia stared into his eyes. "I'm so sorry," she said.

"My fault, really," he said. "If I hadn't shut her out to begin with, it wouldn't have been so hard for her to hear. I just don't get why she would go to Fin. He's just like me," he said with a defeated laugh. "She'll never be happy with him."

Olivia looked down at the floor, though she couldn't see it, and said, "Maybe it's not that it's Fin. Maybe it's just...the fact that it's not you."

"Oh, thanks," Elliot scoffed.

"El, listen," she said, sighing, "I'm not agreeing with her, I'm just telling you what I think happened. She wasn't getting what she wanted or needed from you, and she didn't know how to get the version of you she fell in love with back. She didn't know...she didn't know he no longer existed."

Elliot hummed. "Yeah," he said in a whisper. "I haven't been that guy for years," he said.

"I don't know, though, why she couldn't fall in love with who you are now," she said with a shrug. "It's so damned easy to..." she stopped, realizing what was coming out of her mouth.

He popped his head up. "Easy to what?" he asked, begging her to continue.

Olivia turned her head, trying to meet his eager eyes, and she said, in a very soft, almost inaudible voice, "Easy to love you."

He sucked in a soft breath, feeling his body tighten. He found her hand in the dark, keeping his eyes on hers. "You," he whispered. "It is impossible not to love you, Liv. Dean's a..."

"I don't want to talk about him," she interrupted shaking her head.

Elliot nodded. "Fine," he said. "Andy, Kurt, Mike, Doug, they were all absolute fools. Anyone who lets you go, who doesn't put up a good fight, is a damned fool. You, more than anyone, are so easy to love. Beyond that."

Olivia scoffed. "You keep saying things like that and I might just have to ask you to prove it, so I'll believe it," she said, her head hitting the elevator wall.

"Ask me," he whispered.

Olivia lifter her head and narrowed her eyes. "What?" she asked, her heart giving a good thud.

Before Elliot could speak, though, the lights came on, blinding them, and the lift began to descend. He took the opportunity to button his shirt and find his tie as he blinked, hoping his eyes could readjust to the light. "Fucking elevator," he spat, standing up slowly as the doors opened.

Olivia followed him out and into the busy, city streets. She sighed, wondering what if she heard what he'd said correctly, and hoping this case would be as smooth as she remembered it being. She was home, with him, and couldn't wait to get the rest of the pieces of her life back.

She hoped, too, that one of those pieces might shift, change, and fill in the missing pieces of her heart, too.

* * *

They had fallen into their old routine quickly and easily, giving Melinda their usual banter and attitude, then finding the clues and following them to a viable suspect. It amazed them how much simpler things were with each other, almost as if they'd never been apart.

They walked back into the squad room, taking the same, synchronized strides, holding identical coffee cups. They shared smiles, a few laughs, and apparently "coconut" had become a new inside joke, as if the two needed more. Every time one of them said it, they would both break into a fit of laughter.

"Am I missing something?" Munch asked. "You too fell right back into place, huh?"

Olivia sipped her coffee and nodded.

Cragen narrowed his eyes. "What did you get, while you weren't laughing at coconuts?"

Olivia and Elliot burst out laughing, and when she calmed down, Olivia said, "We're waiting for DNA from Warner, but the boyfriend seems like a pretty good suspect."

"No, she said she didn't know the guy," Fin argued.

Elliot glared at Fin and said, harshly, "She was lying. People in abusive relationships tend to do that, asshole."

"Hey!" Cragen yelled. "Stabler, do not make me can your ass on Olivia's first day back with you! What the hell was that for?"

"Ask him," Elliot hissed, pointing toward Fin.

Olivia rolled her eyes. She walked over to Cragen and whispered something in his ear.

Elliot ran a hand down his face, waiting, eying Olivia suspiciously.

Cragen's eyes widened, then his face scrunched up and he said, "Well, if someone dents my new Lexus, damn right I'm calling him an asshole. Get an estimate, I'll make sure it comes out of Fin's paycheck."

"Uh, yeah," Elliot said, confused. "Thanks, Cap." He looked at Olivia who smirked at him. She just saved his ass, as she usually did, and he fell a little harder. It was true, the old adage, that absence really did make the heart grow fonder. He hadn't realized how madly in love he was with her until she left, and he felt it all ten-fold now that he had her back in his life.

Cragen then looked to Fin. "Watch where the hell you park your car. If someone else's car is in the spot, back up and park somewhere else!" He turned and headed back into his office, not realizing how very appropriate his unintentional metaphor was.

Olivia snickered and said, "Gotta love irony."

Fin shot her a hard look and turned his head in time to miss the silent, gesturing "fuck you" Olivia had shot up. "Elliot, man, can we talk?" he asked, folding his arms.

"You are the last person...correction, second to last person I want to talk to," Elliot told him. "The first would be Kathy, but I'm guessing you knew that."

"Seriously, man," Fin said, standing up. "Can ya gimme five minutes? You're waitin' on your DNA, what would ya be doin' besides starin' at Liv?"

Elliot smirked. "I like staring at her," he said. "You have three minutes," he said bitterly. He grabbed Olivia by the arm and pulled her with him out into the hall.

"I meant alone, Stabler," Fin hissed, following them.

"Well, I need her here to make sure I don't kill you," Elliot said as he crossed his arms. "Now talk. You're down to two minutes."

Fin rolled his eyes. "I didn't wanna hurt you, man," he said, trying to find a way to stand that would make Elliot believe him. "I went out to a bar one night, saw her cryin' into a martini. I asked her what was wrong, and she said you left. You were gone, and not comin' back."

"She meant that I was being distant, not that I was leaving her!" Elliot yelled.

"I didn't know that!" Fin shouted back. "At least, not then," he said, sighing. "We had a few drinks, got a little confused and crazy, I took her home. When we woke up, and we realized...well, it didn't make a difference. I asked her to dinner, she accepted, Elliot. It...we were just two lonely people lookin' for..."

"I know what you were looking for," Elliot interrupted. "I hope destroying my marriage and our friendship was worth it, but from what I remember, sex with Kathy isn't really worth all of this."

Fin narrowed his eyes. "You stand there and you tell me that you're still in love with your wife, Elliot. Go ahead."

Elliot growled. "I loved her, more than you could possibly know," he spat.

"That wasn't the question," Fin said with a smirk. "You're _in love_ with someone else, anyway. I did you a fuckin' favor. Now, we can all be happy."

"We were happy!" Elliot yelled. "I was working through a lot of shit, and instead of having my wife there for me when I needed her, she was fucking around with you! She's the one with the issues, here! You and her!"

"You're ignorin' the question," Fin said, still grinning. "Are you in love with someone else or ain't ya?"

Elliot shouted, "This isn't about me! It's about you and my wife fucking behind my back! So don't you dare try to bring Liv into this!"

Olivia's eyes widened. She gasped, and she heard someone behind her clear his throat. She turned and came face to face with Cragen.

"I take it they are no longer arguing about a dented Lexus?" the captain asked.

Olivia, still trying to make sense of what she just heard, simply shrugged, and said, "I guess not." She eyed a very angry, almost crying, Elliot and asked herself what the hell that last shout had meant.

She would have her answer, though, once they got back to her apartment.

**A/N: Dinner and a movie, as friends, leads to a friendly game and a friendly bet. Friendly. Yeah, sure. Go with that. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: "Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and related characters belong to Dick Wolf. Story, dialogue, narrative and plot belong to TStabler©**

Olivia and Elliot walked back into her apartment, quiet and tired. She put the bag of food down on her coffee table while he kicked off his shoes and plopped onto the couch. Neither had mentioned the argument, she hadn't told him he heard him say he was in love with her, Cragen hadn't gotten involved. It had simply been avoided.

She dug out an egg roll and her chicken and broccoli, then sat on the couch beside him. She glanced at him and said, "Hell of day."

"You can say that again," he mumbled, reaching into the bag for his food.

She felt the need to ease the tension, and said, "Hell of a day."

He looked at her with a furrowed brow, confused, then he laughed. "I missed you," he said, still chuckling as he leaned back in the seat.

"You told me," she said with a smirk, biting into her eggroll. She chewed and swallowed, watching him eat, watching his face. She read every emotion that crossed him, and she felt everything he did. Loneliness and companionship, sorrow and joy, grief and relief. They were going through the same things, and she knew they could get through it together. "I missed you, too, El," she said when she swallowed.

He looked at her and smirked. "How much did you miss me?" he asked.

She raised an eyebrow and shook her head. "Arrogant fucker. Just turn on the television, dipshit."

He laughed and hit the button on the remote, playing whatever movie was on. He leaned back and inched closer to her. "I missed this, too. Just us, you and me, a bad movie and even worse Chinese take-out."

"Thursday was always my favorite day," she said with a smile, picking up some chicken with her chopsticks.

"Mine, too, Liv," he said to her. He smiled at her and turned his attention to the TV, which was coming in with nothing but white snow. "You didn't call the cable company yet, did you?"

She chuckled. "I guess not," she said. Then she blinked. Saying that reminded her of hearing his unintentional confession, one he still hadn't realized he made. She must have been staring at him for a while because he cleared his throat to get her attention.

"I, uh, I'm okay with not watching a movie. We can do something else.," he told her. His eyes widened and he smiled. "Hey," he said, putting his white carton of lo mein down in front of him. He wiped his hands on his pants and said, "You wanna play a game?"

"I'm not playing strip poker with you again," she said. "I had you down to your boxers before you quit, you chicken, so…"

"No," he laughed. "I was thinking like…twenty questions."

She raised an eyebrow. "Are you serious?" she asked.

"Completely," he said, looking at her. "Just think of something. Anything. When you have it, lemme know and I'll start asking you things."

She rolled her eyes and mumbled, "Really, El?" She sighed and blinked, then said, "Okay, I got it."

"Is it edible?" he asked, biting into his own eggroll.

She nodded. "It can be," she said.

"It can be?" he asked, making a face. "What does that mean?" he laughed.

"You can put it in your mouth, it won't kill you if you eat it," she said with a shrug.

"I meant is it actually food," he told her, rolling his eyes.

She laughed. "No, definitely not," she said.

He hummed and ran a hand down his face. He picked up his food and scooped some noodles into his mouth. "Uh, is it big?" he asked.

She made a face and held in a chuckle. "Some are, some aren't," she said, grinning.

He narrowed his eyes. "Olivia Benson, you have a dirty mind," he said, smirking.

"Uh, I don't know where your mind went, buddy. I was talking about a cactus," she told him.

He grabbed one of the pillows on the couch and smacked her with it. "Bitch," he teased. "You knew that was gonna sound suggestive and get me thinking like a man."

She laughed and smacked him with the pillow he dropped. "Bastard," she spit back. "You asked questions that just made it sound that way. And you always think like a man."

They laughed and swallowed some of their food, then Elliot said, "Okay, okay. You're turn. I know what I'm thinking of, so…"

"Is she pretty?" Olivia asked suddenly, knowing why he wanted to play, knowing what he wanted to tell her.

"What makes you think it's a woman?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

She chuckled and bit into her eggroll, saying, "You're a man."

He laughed, but then he grew serious and said, "She's gorgeous."

She nodded once, her smile fading slightly. She was gonna broach the topic, get her answer. "Are you in love with her?" she asked, looking down into her carton of food.

Silence.

He looked at her, having a feeling he knew what she was thinking, knowing she probably heard him as he yelled at Fin. "I think I am," he said. "I really think I am."

She moved, shifting in her seat, and put her food down. She ran her hands through her hair and sighed. "El, I don't know…"

"It's okay," he interrupted, his voice low. "I know you're still in love with Dean. I'm still trying to forget about Kathy, too, Liv. I know this is probably the worst time to be telling you this, but you need to know. And you need to know, it's not just because I'm on the rebound, or…"

"I don't know how to do this," she said, looking up at him, cutting him off.

He saw tears in her eyes and he felt his heart break. "Do what?" he asked, sliding closer.

"I just got back, we've missed so much, I don't know how to be your friend anymore. I didn't think I could be, not after I realized…" she stopped, looked at him, and she took a breath as a tear fell. "I think I'm in love with you, too." She shook her head and sniffled. "I don't know if I can be in love with you right now," she whispered.

He wrapped an arm around her and kissed her forehead. "I didn't ask for this, Liv," he whispered. "Trust me, I would love to be able to get over one heartbreak before moving on to another one, but…"

She sniffled and looked up at him. "I wouldn't break your…"

"I know you wouldn't," he said, stopping her before she could finish. "This…this would be huge, and neither of us is really ready for anything huge. If we started something now, we'd both get hurt, it would be over before it began, and I couldn't take that. I can't do this right now, either."

She furrowed her brow and began to ask, "Then why did you tell me…"

"You needed to know," he cut her off again. "I needed to tell you, so that when something eventually does happen, we're not afraid of it. It won't be a surprise. And…I told you because…I don't want you to feel so unloved anymore. You deserve to know that someone loves you, very much."

She blinked and smiled softly at him, tilting her head. "El," she said, "I don't feel unloved when…when I'm with you."

He brushed her hair back and looked into her eyes. "In that elevator, that guy I was talking about…I was hoping it would be me." He smirked and said, "Eventually."

She dropped her head onto his chest and sighed as he wrapped his other arm around her. "So was I," she whispered.

He sighed, too, and his face contorted in determination. "You wanna make a deal?" he asked. "Like…almost like a bet?"

She furrowed her brow and sniffled. "Now?" she asked.

"Right now," he told her. "We wait, we wait until we're both ready, but I'll bet you two very romantic dinners something happens…while we're waiting. And if it does, so be it."

She looked up, into his eyes, and she smirked. "Is that a deal or a bet?" she asked.

"A promise," he told her. "What do you say?" he asked with a grin. "We let it happen if it happens, when it happens. And when it happens, because I know it will, I'll take you out."

She blinked, realizing she wasn't crying anymore, and she said, "Make it two very romantic dinners and a mildly romantic lunch, and it's a deal."

He smiled at her, he kissed her forehead, and he said, "I'm terrified, too, Liv, but I'm happy." He sighed and held her tighter, saying, "I know this is gonna make both of us happy."

She nodded and chuckled, sniffling one last time. "I haven't really been happy in…in a long time."

"Me either," she said, looking at him. She felt herself being pulled toward him by some unseen force, but she stopped. "You're turn," she whispered, refusing to let herself kiss him.

He cleared his throat. "Uh, okay," he said, leaning back, keeping his arm around her. He grabbed his food with one hand and asked, "Is it a person?"

She shook her head. "Nope," she said, biting her eggroll. "One down. Nineteen to go."

He smirked. He skillfully slurped up his noodles and asked, "Is it a place?"

"Yes," she said nodding. She bit into her eggroll again and chewed, dropping her head to his shoulder.

"The bedroom," he said, which earned him a swift smack to the stomach. "Ow," he laughed. "Not what I meant," he chuckled.

"Not the bedroom," she said, rolling her eyes. She lifted her head and looked at him, but before she could say anything, she froze. She looked into his eyes and her heart stopped. She saw what she used to see in Dean's eyes, a long time ago. Only it was stronger, deeper. Her breath hitched and she felt the pull again, and now it was unstoppable.

He was shocked, but just as eager, enveloping her in arms and dropping his food into his lap. He ran his hands down her back and pulled her closer, moaning softly, feeling the pieces of his heart start to fuse back together. Then he felt her hands on his chest.

She shoved him back, a stunned and scared look on her face. "Oh, God," she whispered.

He looked at her, breathless and pained. "Liv, I didn't…that was…"

"Yeah," she said, nodding. "I'm gonna go, uh, take a shower, and you…" she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "You figure out where you're taking me for dinner. Just…don't make any reservations yet."

He chuckled a little and shook his head. "It was just a kiss," he said. "An incredible, mind-numbing kiss, but…nothing happened," he told her, closing his eyes. "That doesn't have to count," he said.

She looked at him and knew her own eyes were reflecting every feeling of his. "Yes it does," she whispered, rising from her seat. "I think we…we needed that."

He looked up at her, then rose off the couch. He took her hand and said, "I think we did. Are you…do you, uh…you don't regret that, do you?"

"No," she said, shaking her head. "I just…that can't happen again. Not yet, El."

He kissed her forehead and nodded. "I'm not arguing with you there," he said softly. He smiled at her, she smiled at him, and she headed toward the bathroom. He sighed contently and turned to sit again, when a knock on her door kept him up. He furrowed his brow and walked to the door, cautious, and he looked through the peephole. "Son of a bitch," he mumbled.

"What?" Olivia called, coming out in her robe, having heard the knock. "Who is it?" she asked, folding her arms.

Elliot closed his eyes and gritted his teeth as he said, "Dean."

**A/N: What does Dean want? Is Elliot going to let him near Olivia? Kathy drops by the station, making things awkward. And what happens when their next accidental kiss turns out to…not be an accident? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: "Any smart woman would rather be alone, than be with someone because they're lonely."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and related characters belong to Dick Wolf. Story, dialogue, narrative and plot belong to TStabler©**

"Dean?" Olivia asked, tightening the robe around her.

Elliot nodded once, then said, "I'll get rid of him if you..."

"Move," she said, walking over and pushing Elliot away from the door. She opened it and said, "What the hell are..."

His lips were on hers before she could finish her question. She brought her hands to his chest, quickly shoving him away from her. She wiped her mouth and made a narrow-eyed face at him. "God, Dean, what the hell are you doing?" she asked, angry.

Dean, not noticing a very irritated Elliot a few feet to his left, said, "You have to come home, baby."

"I'm not your baby," she hissed. "I haven't been in a long time. If ever." She turned her back on him and walked toward her couch. "Leave!" she yelled over her shoulder.

"We can work this out, Olivia!" Dean pleaded. "Is this about the baby thing again?"

Olivia scoffed. "This is about you fucking that blonde bitch behind my back!" she fumed. "How come I've always come second to a fucking blonde?" she asked bitterly.

Elliot's eyes flashed with hurt. How could she feel inferior to Kathy? The only reason he was with Kathy and not her was because he met Kathy first. If he could have left, he would have. She knew that. Didn't she? He snapped out of his thoughts and focused on the fight the two people in front of him were having.

Dean sat beside Olivia, still missing Elliot, who was growing angrier by the second. "She was nothing, Olivia. I swear, she didn't matter to me," he said, trying to take her hand.

She ripped her hand away from him and said, "Just like I don't."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Olivia, you matter! I made a mistake! You have to forgive me, and come home. Please, think about this for a second."

"I have thought about it," she snapped.

Dean shook his head. "I can't believe it's this again," he said. "You want kids? You...do you really wanna be someone's mother? With your job? Your hours? And let's not forget your past here, Olivia, you said it yourself. You don't know what you'd be passing down. You shouldn't be..."

"Finish that sentence and I will rip your fucking head off," Elliot said, his voice low, dark, threatening.

Dean turned his head. "You?" he asked, stunned. "Of course, she would run straight to you."

"I ran to her, technically," Elliot said. "I was here when she got back. I didn't know she was coming home." He took a step forward and said, "I thought I made myself clear on the phone. I told you want would happen if you came anywhere near her."

Dean scoffed. "I figured it was safe. I thought you wouldn't be here," he said. "She said goodbye to you a long time ago, Stabler." He smirked and said, "Well, say goodbye again, because she's coming back with me tonight, and you will never..."

"I am like hell," Olivia said, appalled. "I don't want to have anything to do with you, Dean. How could you even think I would go with you?"

"You love me," Dean said, his eyes softening.

"I did, once, but you...I'm not a robot, Dean," she said, sighing. "I can just turn my feelings on and off, and I can't just forgive you and tell you not to do it again. You hurt me, you betrayed me, you completely fucked up and I am not the type of girl who believes in second chances."

"Of course you are," Dean said with a smile. He patted her knee and said, "Be reasonable, Olivia. You and I are...we make sense. We fit together, we want the same things..."

"We want none of the same things!" Olivia yelled. "I want kids, I want to live in New York, I want to keep my job, and I want to forget the last year ever fucking happened. I want to forget you, Dean!"

Dean looked at her and asked, "What are you saying?"

"I want you to go," Olivia said, crossing her legs and folding her arms, "And I never wanna see you again."

Dean, feeling shattered, got off of the couch and walked toward the door. He opened it, stepped out into the hallway, and came back in with a white garment bag. "I thought seeing this might change your mind," he said unzipping the bag.

Olivia's breath hitched and she squeezed her eyes shut. "Dean," she yelled, "I'm not changing my mind. Just go. Now!"

Elliot grabbed Dean's arm, pulling and making him drop the bag. "You heard her," he seethed, dragging the agent across the room. He literally threw him into the hallway and slammed the door. He turned around and saw Olivia, clutching the fabric of her dress in her hands.

He ran over to her, sat beside her, and gently wrapped an arm around her. "Liv," he whispered, "Are you..."

"I saw this dress in a small shop in SoHo, two years ago," she said, sniffling. "I knew the minute I saw it that this had to be it, if I ever got married. This was my dress. When he asked...I called them to see if they still had it, and they did. Only had one left. My size."

Elliot closed his eyes. "Liv, baby, please..."

"It was like I was meant to have this dress," she said, sniffling as her fingers twirled the satin sash. "They were marketing it as an off-season one-of-a-kind, it was nineteen-hundred dollars, and an additional hundred to ship it out to California." She ran her hand down the lace, crystal, and satin skirt of the dress and choked on her words as she said, "I loved this dress. I loved him, and I loved this fucking dress. So much. Now...now I just to burn the fucking thing."

He pulled her closer. "You can still..."

"No," she said, cutting him off. "If someone else is crazy enough to want to marry me, I'm not wearing this. I never wanna see this thing again," she sobbed. She threw the dress off of her lap, wrestled out of Elliot's hold, stood, and ran into the bathroom.

Elliot sighed and closed his eyes as he heard the water start to run, knew she was crying, and knew he had to do something about it. He got up, then looked at the crumpled dress. "She would have looked breathtaking in this," he said, fingering the lace lightly. He turned his head, thinking, and then walked toward the bathroom. He knocked gently, and called to her, "Liv?"

"Go away," she said, her voice soft, broken.

Elliot narrowed his eyes and turned the knob, slowly walking into the steamy room. "Liv, listen to me..."

"Christ, Elliot!" she hissed. "I'm in the shower!"

"I know," he said. "It's a thick curtain, I can't see anything," he assured her. "Even if I could I..." he paused, knowing he sounded stupid. "Honey, that dress...it's just a dress. Yeah, it's beautiful, and probably makes you look like an angel, but any man who loves you, who wants to marry you, won't care that you were gonna wear it to marry someone else. The dress doesn't matter, it's who you're walking toward while you're wearing it." He bit his lip and waited for some kind of response.

When he didn't get one, he said, "You would have been wearing it for the wrong man. I want you to promise me that you will keep it, and one day you will wear it for a man who deserves to see you in it. Someone who deserves to see you when you're that gorgeous, and that happy." He heard a sniffle and said, "Close your eyes."

"What?" she whispered with another sniffle, his words already breaking her heart and putting it back together.

"Close your eyes," he repeated.

She closed them and took a breath. "Okay," she said.

"You saw that dress, in that window," he said. "Something had to flash through your mind when you saw it, some image, someone's face. Liv, you saw something wonderful when you saw that dress. It wasn't Dean you were standing next to when you were wearing it. Go back to that day. You're in front of that store, you see that dress, and then you see him. You can see him now, can't you?"

Another tear rolled down her cheek as she whispered, "Yes."

"I swear to God, baby, that man won't mind if you wear that dress," he told her, "Because he's the one you bought it for, and he desperately wants to see you in it."

She sniffled again as her eyes shot open. Her heart was pounding, and without thinking she said, "I know you do."

Elliot's eyes snapped toward the closed curtain, shocked. It was a shot in the dark, but she had seen him just as he hoped. He was going to speak, but held his breath as he heard the water shut off. He watched her fingers creep out and grab the plastic, and he watched as the rings slid over the bar just enough to reveal her face.

"Can you hand me my towel?" she asked softly.

Still fixed on her eyes, he reached behind him, then held the green, fluffy towel out to her. He watched her take it, then there was a moment of thick tension and silence. He still wasn't breathing, and when the curtain slid open and she stepped out in nothing but that towel, he thought he died.

He rose from his spot and looked into her eyes. He cupped her face with both of his hands, ran his thumbs under her eyes softly, and finally taking a breath, he leaned in, bending his head, pulling her toward him, and meeting her in a kiss that rivaled the first one.

She was the first to pull away, but slowly this time, and she looked into his clear, blue eyes. "We're in trouble, aren't we?" she asked, breathless.

"No, baby," he whispered, brushing his lips over hers again. "I think we're getting there, though." He kissed her again, praying she wouldn't stop him this time, and a tiny voice in the back of his mind told him something he didn't want to hear. He ignored it for a moment, but when the words were uttered by someone else, he would have to deal with them.

**A/N: Picture burning, junk food eating, and maybe another kiss? And that dreaded visit from Kathy. Next! Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: ****"Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and related characters belong to Dick Wolf. Story, dialogue, narrative and plot belong to TStabler©**

"Coffee's ready," Elliot said, walking out of the kitchen area and back into the living room. He convinced her to keep the dress, and helped her put it back in the bag and in the back of her closet. Now, he was trying to calm her down and keep her that way. "What are you doing?" he asked, seeing her on the floor, flipping through photo albums she'd plucked form an unpacked box.

"Have you ever noticed the way I smile in pictures with you?" she asked, pulling pictures out of their sleeves. "Compared to the way I smiled in pictures with him, I mean, there's a difference."

He stepped over to her and looked over her shoulder. "Are you...you're pulling out every single picture you've got with him, aren't you?" he asked with a smirk, sitting beside her.

"I want him gone," she said, nodding. "If he's here in pictures, then he's still here, and that's not..." she stopped, staring at a photo of her and Dean. Her smile was bright and he was holding her hand, flashing her ring at the camera. She noticed, for the first time, Elliot in the background, looking hurt.

"What?" Elliot asked, seeing her face change.

She pulled the photo out of the plastic and asked, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?" he questioned, his head tilted.

"That you didn't want me to marry him," she said. "When he asked, the look on your face was...I thought I'd just imagined it, but...here it is. Why didn't you tell me, El?"

He sighed. "I did tell you," he said. "You laughed it off as me being my usual boneheaded self. In the end, I just...I wanted you to be happy."

"You never gave me a reason. Not a good one," she said. "Hey, you wanna make me happy, now?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "Find me a lighter." She looked into his eyes and he understood. It was time to get rid of this guy for good.

"You don't smoke and we're in your...candle lighter. Got it," he got up and went back into the kitchen.

Olivia heard cabinets opening and drawers sliding shut, the clinking of mugs and some other noises. When he came back over to her, he put down a metal trash bin, then handed her a cup of coffee, a pint of ice cream, and sat down. He had a few bags of chips in his hands and he twirled the long lighter around his finger. She laughed at him.

"Hey, I'm eager to watch the fucker burn," he said with a shrug.

She laughed again and sipped her coffee, then held up the first picture. "I should be more upset about this," she said, watching Elliot click the lighter and bring the flame to the edge of the photo.

He smiled as the picture lit up like a candle and she dropped it into the trash can. "You're not upset about it anymore," he said. "You're pissed off, like I am, and you know that you're better off, like I am. We're in the same boat, Liv. You can't be upset because I'm here, and you said it yourself, you smile, really smile around me," he told her with a cocky grin.

She popped a potato chip into her mouth and rolled her eyes. She took the lighter from him and set another picture on fire, watching it burn between her fingertips for a moment before dropping it into the bin. "I do," she said, looking back at him. "Always have," she whispered.

He wrapped his arms around her and laughed when she lifted her hand to his mouth, holding a potato chip. He opened his mouth and let her feed him, watching her throw a picture into the makeshift fire pit with her other hand. He held her close as they watched the remains of her heartbreak turn to ash. "Phoenix," he whispered, kissing the back of her head.

"Huh?" she questioned, looking back at him over her shoulder.

"Phoenix, the bird. It spontaneously bursts into flames when it feels its life has ended, then rises from the ashes. A new bird with a new purpose." He ran his fingertips up and down her arms, and whispered, "That's what we are, baby. You and I. Our relationships ran their courses, their lives were over, we let them die and crumble and burn, and now we're rising from the ashes as new people, free to start over."

"With each other," she whispered to him.

He nodded and kissed her forehead. "Exactly," he said, looking into her eyes. He ate the chip she held to his lips, then he reached for the ice cream, popping the lid off and spooning some up. He held the spoon up to her lips, watched her take the cream and lick her lips, and he smiled.

"What?" she asked, chewing on a chip.

"I was just thinking," he said, searching her eyes, "That I would die for you. You know that, but...even if it wasn't my job, even if you hated me, I would do anything to keep you safe, make you happy, protect you from ever feeling any kind of pain again."

She narrowed her eyes slightly and said, "You would." She nodded and said, "I would do the same for you, you know."

"It's not something people who are just friends are willing to do," he said with a bigger smile.

She smiled back, then leaned further into him as she turned her head to watch the past burn. "That's right. It's not," she said, sighing into his embrace. She felt him kiss the back of her head again as she tossed another photo of Dean into the burning can, hearing Elliot breathing softly behind her. She watched the loneliness and desperation of the last year crinkle and blacken, and she couldn't wait to rise from the ashes with Elliot.

The rest of the night was spent laughing at the memories they'd shared, bridging the gap between the previous fall and this one. They caught up on each others lives, and had almost forgotten about their current troubles, when they heard the alarm clock blaring from the other room.

"Damn," Elliot said, laughing. "We've been up all night haven't we?"

Olivia laughed and nodded. "Yeah," she said. "The fire went out long ago, we just...I was having too much fun."

He took a chance and kissed her lips, gently and softly, and said, "Me, too."

She brushed her hand over his stubbly cheek, looked into his eyes and whispered, "Shave," and got to her feet.

He chuckled as he watched her walk into her bedroom, and he rose to head into the bathroom. Her wish was his command. Stubble be damned.

It was slow and quiet, as they both dressed in silence. Elliot had disposed of the ashes before Olivia walked into the living room, and he had a brilliant breakfast prepared.

They ate, still silent, and left the apartment, heading for work. Elliot broke the awkward quiet halfway there. "I didn't mean...I know I can't control...but that kiss this morning, I..."

"It's fine, El," she said to him with a small smile. "It was actually...nice. I wanted you to kiss me, believe it or not."

He laughed. "I figured," he said. "I just...I don't wanna rush this, and I feel like I already have, so...I thought I'd..."

"Hey," she interrupted her eyes narrowing. "If you're gonna get all weird on me because of a shift in our relationship, we can go right back to..."

"I'm not," he said quickly, wanting anything but that. "I just don't want you to think I'm using you, or..." he sighed, stopping his speaking, pulling into the precinct parking lot.

She tilted her head and said, "I know you're not. I bought a dress I couldn't afford because of you," she teased. "I trust you with my life, literally, and now I'm trusting you with my heart. Well, what's left of it. Keyword, El, is trust."

He looked at her as he turned the key, shutting the car and part of his brain off. "Good," he said, nodding once. "I'm doing the same thing, Liv, we're just both incredibly fragile right now and..."

"If you ever call me fragile again, I'll kick your ass from here to Queens and leave you broken and bloody on your ex-wife's doorstep," she said with a humorous glint in her eyes. "Any part of me that was broken because of Dean Porter...you're doing one hell of a job fixing it," she told him quietly. She brushed her hand over his cheek, slowly moved closer to him, and gave him a soft peck on the lips.

He sighed in relief and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her back eagerly. He pulled away from her and rested his head against hers, ignoring the shock in her eyes and choosing instead to focus on the love. "You're returning the favor," he whispered. He pecked her lips once more, then got out of the car.

Olivia followed suit, walking with him toward their building. They were breathing easier today, sharing softer smiles, and their eyes were clear for the first time in a long time. "We should stay up all night talking about random shit at least once a week," she joked as they got off the elevator on their floor. "I feel amazing," she added.

"Uh, it should be Saturday," Elliot said with a chuckle. "I think we're gonna have to drink Munch's shitty coffee all fucking day," he said with a yawn.

"Saturday works," Olivia returned with a stifled yawn of her own. They nodded and waved to the detectives and uniformed officers they passed in the hallway, most of them shouting words of homecoming to Olivia.

They turned and walked into their squad room, and their smiles faded. "What the hell are you doing here?" Elliot asked, snapping at the woman sitting in his chair.

"I'll get the coffee," Olivia said, glaring at the blonde as she walked toward the pot.

"Kathy, what are you doing here?" Elliot asked again, not liking the way she was looking at Olivia.

"Olivia?" Kathy asked, stunned and nervous as she stared at the brunette by the coffee pot. "When did you get back?" she asked, rising out of Elliot's seat.

Olivia said nothing as she poured two mugs of the freshly brewed sludge.

When she was sure she wasn't getting an answer, Kathy turned back to Elliot. "You told her?" she asked, her eyes wide.

"You thought I would keep it from my best friend?" he asked. "I couldn't really run to Fin for comfort," he hissed. "Get away from my desk," he spat, moving toward his chair.

Olivia brought him his coffee, then turned, sending another harsh glare at Kathy as she sat at her own desk, leaning back to watch the show.

"Elliot," Kathy began, "Please, I just want to talk to you. I figured the earlier I got here...before you started to work on one of your...horrifying..."

"What makes you think I want to talk to you?" he cut in, angry and wounded. "I left, I walked away and said I never wanted to see you again, what part of me leaving like that said, 'come talk to me in a week, and I'll forgive you?"

"I need your help with the kids," Kathy said, blinking and letting a tear fall. "They won't listen to me, and they don't like Fin, and..."

"Good," Elliot said. "They don't like the man that destroyed their family, Kathy, what the fuck did you expect?"

Kathy blinked again, shrinking back as he yelled louder. "I need to know what you wanna do about them," she said softly. "We have to set a court date, I have to talk to my lawyer, and..."

"I told you," Elliot said, "I'm going after them. I want full custody. Last time I checked, adultery was grounds for an expedited divorce and emergency custody approval for the burned party. In this case, ironically, it's me."

"What does that mean?" Kathy said, folding her arms. "Ironically?" she scoffed.

"It means," Elliot barked, "That if I hadn't loved you and the kids so fucking much, and wanted to keep our family together, I would have fucked my partner nine ways from Sunday seven years ago!" He was breathing heavily, his fists were clenched, he was in a state of rage and he needed to calm down. He took a breath, looked at Olivia, and felt a cool wave run over him. He took another breath and said, "I will call my lawyer in the morning," he said.

Cragen, his arms folded as he stood in the middle of the squad room, cleared his throat. "I guess this is the Lexus," he said. "You're not allowed to park here," he quipped.

Olivia snickered, then said, "I think that means he wants you to leave, Kathy."

Kathy looked at Cragen apologetically, then turned to Fin. "I'll call you," she said, nodding at him.

Elliot squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm going to ignore that," he said through his clenched teeth.

Kathy took a breath and looked at Elliot, who was still looking at the wall. "My lawyer will..."

"Just go, Kathy," Elliot hissed at her. He heard the clicking of her heels fade as she left the room, and he shook his head. He grabbed the coffee Olivia had brought him and he shot it back in one long sip. He wiggled the empty cup, and as if it was her duty, Olivia got up, grabbed his mug, and went to pour him more.

"Here," she whispered, bringing it back to him.

"Thank you," he said softly to her, making sure he wouldn't direct any of his negative emotions toward the one person he believed would never deserve it. He sipped it, slowly this time, and took another deep breath.

"Are you all right, Stabler?" Munch asked, looking up at the distraught detective.

Elliot shook his head and asked, "How did you do this four times, man?"

Munch shrugged. "I asked myself that same question a lot," he said. "I never had kids, though. It's harder on you."

Elliot shook his head. "No, man, leaving her was pretty damn easy," he said. "I meant how did you deal with four ex-wives?"

Munch laughed. He peered over his glasses and said, "I never got that angry. You got burned, buddy. It was never like that with me."

"Well, keep your new wife away from your partner," Elliot said, shooting daggers at Fin.

Cragen cleared his throat again. "Personal shit stops now," he said. "All of it," he said, pointing at Elliot, then at Olivia, finally at Fin. "Clear?"

"Crystal," Fin muttered, folding his arms.

"Good," Cragen said, handing a slip of yellow paper to Elliot and a pink one to Fin. "Go," he said, waving an arm.

"How come they get the dead one?" Munch yelled, noting the color of their assignment.

Cragen turned, looked at Munch, then chuckled. "In his mood? I don't want him around anyone who was recently traumatized." He walked into his office shaking his head.

Fin got up and moved to the door, looking cautiously at Elliot, and said, "You gotta talk to me sooner or..."

"Let's go, Liv," Elliot interrupted, chugging his coffee. He pushed passed Fin, followed closely by Olivia.

Fin would make sure Elliot heard what he had to say. As soon as his night was over, he would make Elliot understand.

**A/N: Does Elliot let Fin explain? And after work, something normal for Olivia and Elliot becomes so much more, making them a little less lonely. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: "Loneliness is about the scariest thing there is. The only thing scarier is falling in love."**

**DISCLAIMER: ****SVU and related characters belong to Dick Wolf. Story, dialogue, narrative and plot belong to TStabler©**

Olivia walked into the apartment, flinching as Elliot slammed the door behind him. He'd been in a bad mood all day, thanks to Kathy setting him off like a crooked firework, and his mood only worsened as Fin pestered him. It got to the point where everyone was a target, including her, so she stopped trying to calm him down.

She heard him sigh heavily as he dropped their bag of takeout on the table. She turned around to watch him as he pulled a cardboard box over to him and dug through it, looking for something, and he found it soundlessly.

Taking a chance and making contact, she asked, "Which one did you grab?"

"Lake Placid," he said, plucking the DVD out of the box and walking over to the player. She still hadn't called the cable company, so they'd decided to just watch DVD's when they wanted to relax.

Olivia rolled her eyes and made a grunting noise, showing her disdain for the film, and fell into her couch. She grabbed a paper carton of food and a pair of chopsticks and watched him strut toward her, and she smirked to herself when he settled into the couch a little too closely to her.

He pulled his food out of the bag, grabbed a pair of chopsticks, and said, without looking at her, "I'm sorry for being an ass."

"I honestly didn't come back expecting that to have changed," she said, popping a piece of chicken into her mouth.

He looked at her with a furrowed brow and she laughed at his expression. "You insult me, now you're laughing," he grumbled. "This day can't get worse."

"I was kidding," she said, hitting him in the arm playfully. "I thought I could get you to smile but I guess I suck."

He sighed and dropped his head to the back of the couch. "I'm sorry, God what the hell is wrong with me?" he asked, shaking his head. "I can't get her outta my head, and it's not that I even care she cheated on me, it's..."

"Who it was with," Olivia said. "I know, El. He's...he was your best friend. Well, besides me, but Lord knows I wouldn't touch Kathy with a ten foot pole. Even if I was wearing a hazmatt suit. And had an oxygen tank. Inside of a bubble. With a..."

"I get it," he laughed, finally looking into her eyes.

"Got ya to smile," she said, wagging her eyebrows at him as she bit into a piece of broccoli.

He sighed again, this time happily, and said, "You did." He sat up, opening his carton, and turned toward her. "I don't think I'd be in this bad of a mood if he left me the hell alone, but he kept trying to bring it up and I just...I hate him, Liv. I hate every cell in his body. It's like every happy memory of the two of us went up in flames."

"We can burn all your pictures of him if ya want," she said, eating more chicken. "It helps," she said with a mouth full.

He chuckled again. "God, how do you do it?"

"Do what?" she asked, chewing.

"Make me less lonely, make me laugh, make me happy," he said, poking around in his carton for a carrot. He found one and ate it while waiting for an answer.

She swallowed and looked at him, turning her body toward him, inching closer. She was silent, watching him dig for another carrot. "I'm a funny woman, Elliot," she said, winking at him as she plucked his found carrot out from in between his chopsticks and popped it into her mouth.

"I wanted that," he said with a small smirk.

"Yeah?" she questioned, raising an eyebrow. "I can see why. It was pretty damn good."

He put his food down on the coffee table, moved a bit and grabbed her head. He pulled her close and kissed her, hard but slow, running his tongue over her lips, then over her teeth and her tongue. He pulled away slowly, leaving her stunned and silent. "You're right," he whispered. "That was...really good."

"The carrot or the kiss?" she asked, still staring into his eyes, still shaken by that kiss.

"Both," he whispered softly, caressing her cheeks with his hands.

Olivia blinked and smirked. "Yeah," she said, letting out a breath she'd been holding. "But this doesn't count as a terribly romantic dinner."

Elliot laughed again, a full laugh with his head thrown back. He straightened up and pulled her close to him again, kissing her forehead and hugging her to his chest. "Thank you," he whispered.

She closed her eyes and wrapped one arm around him, as the other hand held her food in her lap, and she said, "I can't stand to see you hurting, El. Just like you couldn't stand to see me..."

"Who says this can't be romantic?" Elliot interrupted, getting off of the couch. He turned off the DVD player since they hadn't been watching the movie anyway, walked over to the light switch and twisted the dimmer, then padded back to the couch and held out his hand.

"You want...what?" she asked, giving him a sweet smile. "Money? A low five? Skittles? Piece of gum?"

"Your hand," he said, returning her playful grin. He moved his hand, beckoning her to him, and he watched as she rolled her eyes and slipped her hand into his.

She allowed him to pull her close and as he swayed, moving her, she asked, "What are you doing?"

"Dancing," he said. "Dinner and dancing. Screams romance, doesn't it?" he said, his brightened eyes gazing into hers.

"Uh, okay, Ricky Ricardo," she said with a scoff, "There's no music, so how can you..."

"You don't need music," he said, shaking his head, still smiling. "All you need is someone you love in your arms, and a steady solid rhythm." He pulled her closer and whispered, "My heart is pounding like a drum, right now. So I got the rhythm." He looked deeply into her eyes and said, "And I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you. We are officially dancing."

She took a breath, still trying to convince herself she heard him say he loved her, that he was in love with her, and she smiled at him. "Are we practicing for that stupid ball?" she asked, the sparkle in her eyes matching his.

"This year, I don't have to tell you Kathy's working a double shift," he told her with a cocky grin as he began to move them around the room. "And you don't have to tell me what's-his-name had a meeting. We can actually just be together this time."

She tilted her head and made a face. "Well, we can't really be..."

"Why not?" he asked, interrupting her. "It's not against the law, Liv, it's just...not recommended. It can cause problems if the couple involved breaks up and they start hating each other, but do you really see that happening with us?"

She blinked twice and cleared her throat. He was talking about dating already, they were having such a nice night and he just made her petrified. "I...well...I..."

"I don't mean right now," he said, knowing what he'd done. "Trust me, after today, I've proved that I'm not entirely over this divorce." He held her gaze and whispered, "We're just letting things happen, remember?"

She chuckled and nodded. She took the step this time and moved closer to him, pressing her lips to his, and he stopped moving them and held her close, swaying as they kissed.

Deepening, growing beyond their control, the kiss escalated to something more and they moved back toward the couch. Elliot flattened over her, gently and tentatively skimming her body with his ring-free left hand, and just before they let things happen too fast, there was a loud knock on her apartment door.

Elliot pulled away, propping himself up on his hands above her. They were both out of breath, staring wide-eyed at each other. "How'd we get on the couch?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

"No idea," Olivia said, still breathing heavily.

There was another loud knock on the door, both heads turned to face it, and Elliot gave Olivia one more swift kiss on the lips before getting off of her. He turned the lights back up and opened the door, then he made an odd noise and slammed it shut.

"Who is it?" Olivia asked.

"Fin," Elliot snarled.

The knocking returned and they heard Fin's voice. "Stabler, man, open the door! Please? Come on, man, I need to talk to you!"

Olivia got off of the couch and walked over to Elliot. She wrapped her arms around him and cupped his face, and for a moment they ignored the knocking and yelling. "I'll be right here, El. The whole time. You don't have to say anything, just let him talk. If you don't, he won't stop bothering..."

Elliot interrupted her. "Just...don't leave the room, and if you see me trying to kill him..."

"I'll stop you," she said with a smirk, interrupting him the way he'd done to her. "Maybe," she said with a shrug. "At the very least, I'll help you hide the body."

He laughed again and shook his head, kissed her sweetly, and turned back toward the door. He opened it and glared at Fin, and he said, with fire in his eyes, "Five minutes."

**A/N: What will Fin say? When he leaves, Elliot and Olivia have to deal with what Fin interrupted, and Elliot goes to see a lawyer to talk about getting his kids, which will be harder than he thinks. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: "Loneliness is a state of mind. We make the decision to be lonely and we make the decision to let others keep us from being alone. That choice is difficult, but once made, it is irreversible."  
**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and related characters belong to Dick Wolf. Story, dialogue, narrative and plot belong to TStabler©**

Fin sat on the couch, oblivious to what had just transpired on the cushions beneath him, and he shook his head. "Look, man, I know I messed up, but ya gotta hear me out."

Elliot folded his arms. He twisted his mouth and narrowed his eyes, and then gave a curt nod.

"Okay, so you...whatever," Fin began, realizing Elliot wasn't going to talk back. "You know...you know better than anyone...that this job...it can make ya lonely." He looked up at Elliot and said, "It can make the husbands and wives of cops lonely, too, ya know. This job takes up your whole life, you're left with an hour a night with a family that's forgotten what ya look like."

Elliot bit his lip. He hated to admit that Fin had a point. He grunted, as close to speaking as he was going to get.

Fin sighed again, rubbing a hand over his forehead. "I went out, lookin' for...just one night...to be a little less lonely. And I found her, and she...I know you don't wanna hear it, but she never told me you weren't leavin' for good. We saw each other twice a week, and you were never there, so..."

"Wait," Elliot said, his first word, "You did this in my house? In my bed? Are you out of your fucking mind?"

"I just told you...you weren't there!" Fin defended.

"Because when you have the night off, I don't, you jackass!" Elliot yelled back.

Fin flinched. "I guess...I didn't wanna believe that she would..." he paused and heaved another heavy sigh. "By the time I realized you were still married, and actively tryin' to stay that way, I was already in love with her. It's like part of me that was missin' was suddenly there, I felt like I had a reason to get up in the mornin' and someone was finally waitin' for me to come home."

Olivia waited for Elliot to take a breath, knowing what he was going to say, and she grabbed his hand, stopping him. "Let it go," she whispered.

Fin smirked. "Kinda like how you feel about Benson," he said. "You fell apart when she left, and Kathy couldn't keep you together, so what were you tryin' to save, Elliot? You were more lonely when you were with Kathy than you are without her."

"Oh, look at that," Elliot said, smirking, "Time's up. Get out." He walked over to the door and pulled, opening it, hoping Fin would leave.

Fin's eyes widened. "Elliot, come on, I thought..."

"Fin!" Elliot shouted, interrupting. "You slept with my wife! You destroyed my family. You had a reason, and I appreciate you telling me, but whether or not me missing Liv affected my marriage is not the problem. Nothing you can say is gonna make this okay." He let his eyes drop a bit and he asked, "Don't you get that?"

Fin looked sadly at his one-time-friend, and he got off of the couch. "I'm sorry," he said. "That's all I can say. But look at the plus side, you can make a move on Benson now."

"Yeah," Elliot said, "Make a serious move on a woman who just called off a year long engagement because her dick of a fiancée cheated on her. That's a great idea."

Fin sighed, realizing that he couldn't win this one. "Give it time, then get your life back, and get her. You're in love with her Elliot. Everyone saw it, they see it now, why do you think Kathy let this happen? She was lettin' you go. She thought you'd take a chance and fly out to get Olivia."

Elliot narrowed his eyes. "What?" he asked, still holding the door open.

Fin nodded. "She knew you loved her, but she knew the spark and life was gone. She knew where it went. She wanted you to go get it." He let out another slow breath, and as he left, he said, "We both did."

Elliot watched Fin leave, feeling somehow worse than before, and slightly guilty. "Tell me I shouldn't feel badly about yelling at him like that," he said, shutting the door, talking to Olivia without looking at her.

Olivia slid her hands over his shoulders and squeezed. "He deserved it," she told him. "Yeah, the reasons...they were pretty valid. But it doesn't excuse him, El."

He nodded and turned to face her, kissing her softly.

"And I think you should, uh, make a move on Benson," she joked, kissing him sweetly again.

"Already did," he whispered, running his fingers through her hair. "I wasn't gonna tell him that," he said with a sigh. He dropped his hand to her lower back and nudged, leading her into the bedroom.

She sighed as she moved to the still unpacked boxes by her freshly dusted dresser, and she searched for a pair of sweatpants. "So, uh, we...um..."

"Yeah," Elliot said with a nervous laugh. "I don't know...how that happened, I wasn't trying to..."

"Neither was I," she interrupted. "El, if Fin didn't knock..."

"I would have stopped," he assured her, cutting her off. He walked toward her, reached for her, and rested both hands on her hips. "I promise, I would have stopped before it got too serious."

She nodded, kissed him once, and pulled away from him to change. She was used to him being around, so she didn't try to shield herself as she slid off her jeans and pulled on the black sweats. She noticed, out of the corner of her eye, Elliot staring. She smirked as she changed her shirt, and walked over to the bed.

Elliot cleared his throat and took off his jeans and his shirt, sliding under the covers in just his boxers. He noticed the look on Olivia's face and he grinned smugly. She wanted him as much as he wanted her, and she was just as scared of it as he was. He moved to her, hesitating for a moment before wrapping his arms around her.

She sighed into his embrace, her eyes slid shut as her breathing slowed, and she whispered a soft, "I love you," before falling into a deep sleep.

"I love you, too, Liv," he whispered, as his open eyes watched her lips curl into a smile. He sighed and smiled, falling asleep with her in his arms.

* * *

"Elliot," a man in an expensive suit said, rising to shake his hand.

"Thanks for seeing me, Tom," he said, gripping and shaking the man's hand.

Tom nodded and sat back down. "Please," he said, "Have a seat. Tell me what happened, I thought you and Kathy were doing good."

Elliot scoffed. "We were," he said with a shrug, "Until she started sleeping with my best friend. Not Liv." He laughed when he saw Tom's face. "I can't say I'm blameless, I know I wasn't an ideal husband, but...the feelings were...gone." He shrugged again and shook his head. "I tried, though," he added.

Tom nodded. "I know you did," he said. "As many nights as we went out drinking, you told some stories, man. I know it was rough." He handed Elliot a file, then, and said, "Down to business, as I know you have to get back to work. She's seeking joint custody, and aside from her infidelity, I see no reason she shouldn't get it."

Elliot furrowed his brow. "I thought the kids went to the parent better suited to take care of them," he said, irritated.

Tom scoffed. "And you think with your schedule and track record, that it's you?" He ran a hand through his hair and said, "I know you're a good father, Elliot, but she's a good mother. No reports of abuse or neglect, no character witnesses stating she's an unfit mother," he said in a condescending manner. "However, she's also not getting much of anything in the settlement, as you were the innocent party and the marriage ended because of what she did," he explained, hoping to make it better.

Elliot bit his bottom lip. "Shit," he hissed. "So...joint custody...what does that mean? I get them every other weekend and holidays?"

"No, Elliot," Tom said, closing his eyes. When he opened them, he said, "Every two weeks, the kids will switch parents. You both need to have space and supplies for them, since it's wrong to ask them to keep packing and unpacking."

"Oh, like it's right to ask them to ping-pong back and forth from Queens to Manhattan?" Elliot snapped. "God, this was supposed to be easy!"

Tom sighed. "It doesn't help, either, that you won't have a female figure around for them. Kathy, at the very least, can supply them with..."

"I do," he interrupted. "Olivia. She's gonna be there. She's gonna help," he said without thinking.

Tom's eyes widened. "That...that might change things, but not much," he said, taking the file back from him. "You make more money, don't you?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "You're the more stable of the two of you, employment wise, correct?"

"Yes," Elliot said. "Does that..."

"It might, Elliot," Tom said, smiling. "You just leave everything to me. But for now, you need to get yourself a four bedroom house, furnish it, and cart your kids to and fro every fourteen days." He cleared his throat and said, "And pray that a judge sees things my way sooner than later."

Elliot nodded. "Thanks," he said, getting up. "It's better than not seeing them at all, right?" he sighed.

"It is," Tom said, nodding back. He watched Elliot leave with a sad smile.

* * *

"How'd it go?" Olivia asked quietly, watching Elliot take his seat across from her.

Elliot shrugged. "Joint custody, it looks like," he said, scratching behind his ear. "I just...this isn't bothering me as much as I thought it would. I got angry in the lawyer's office, but on the walk back here, I just...it didn't matter anymore."

Olivia shrugged and gave him a flattened smile. "You wanted her to hurt, El. You wanted to take away just as much as she took from you. Getting the kids would have..."

"You think that's it?" Elliot asked, his eyes narrow. "I mean, do you really think that's the way I processed this?"

She sighed and said, "I'm not saying that you thought about it that way, El. The human mind...you subconsciously wanted her life taken away, because she took away yours. Think about it." She leaned closer to him and said, "Think, El. You seem less vindictive today than you did yesterday, don't you? And the day before that? You were beyond homicidal. You're calming down."

He looked at her for a moment, smiled with a small chuckle, and said, "Because I got my life back. Everything she ripped away from me...I've got back. I'm not that upset anymore."

"See? You still have your kids, and your job," she said with a bigger smile. "She didn't really..."

"I have you," he whispered, looking into her eyes.

She looked at him, his gaze sending shivers down her spine. Suddenly, she felt a little less lonely, and a little more ready for what was happening with him. She just hoped she could convince herself to keep from running.

Elliot would ask her a question, forcing her to convince herself faster.

**A/N: What does Elliot ask? And a night out turns sour, when they run into Fin and Kathy. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: "Loneliness only exists when in the absence of the one who has your heart."**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns the characters. That's pretty much it. Everything else written before you is pure TStabler©**

He held her hand, silently thinking that he was the luckiest man in the world. He ran his thumb over the side of her palm, his eyes drinking in her figure as they walked and the way her hair blew slightly in the breeze. It didn't take much convincing to get her out on the town, heading for their first terribly romantic dinner, even though he knew they were both still not emotionally stable enough to have the night end the way he so desperately wanted it to.

"What?" she asked, looking at him with a smirk.

"Huh?" he replied, snapping out of his thoughts.

She grinned and brushed some hair behind her ears with her free hand. "You're staring," she said.

He smiled and squeezed her hand, pulling gently. He said, "I can't help it," and kissed her softly.

She closed her eyes and let him deepen the kiss, and she took a deep breath, controlling the anxiety that was building up and threatening to control her. "El," she whispered, her eyes still closed, "We just…"

"I know," he said, grinning. "We just went on an actual date, and we just kissed in the middle of the sidewalk."

She chuckled and opened her eyes. "Yeah, I guess we did."

"I know what you're thinking," he said, his voice dropping an octave and softening. He began to walk again, leading her down the street. "You think I'm not gonna be any different, you think I'm gonna be just like him, don't you?"

She shook her head. "No," she said. "What scares me…what really terrifies me about this…is that I think you're gonna be completely different."

He tilted his head, then understood. He was getting to her, beneath her skin, reaching her soul. He was forcing her to realize that marriage and a family were a real possibility, and he realized that she never truly believed she'd have that life with Dean. "You were coming home anyway," he whispered, his eyes narrowing. "I know that, but you still haven't told me why. Why you knew, why you decided."

She bit her lip and rolled her eyes. "He changed, El. He was everything I thought I wanted, that I knew I couldn't have. Then when he told me…he actually told me that if he caught me talking to you he'd…" she stopped, shook her head again, and looked at him. "Three months out there and he became this…monster. He was demanding, and rude, and he thought I'd put up with it, but you know me, I fought back, hard. We had these amazing fights, and after every one of them I would reach for my phone to call you. He would threaten to make phone calls, you'd lose your job, or you'd be audited. God, I needed you in my life and he was holding that over my head. I needed my life back, and he was never gonna let me have it."

"You got it back," he whispered, brushing his hand lightly over her cheek as they stopped in front of a small café.

She nodded, took a shallow breath, and smiled. "I did," she said.

He pushed the door open, holding it for her as she stepped inside, and he followed her to a small table in the back. He held out her chair, then sat down across from her, took both of her hands in his, and looked into her eyes. "We both did," he said, smiling. "I, uh, I have a favor to ask…" he stopped, swallowing and blinking.

"Anything," she said, tilting her head, suddenly curious and a little nervous.

"Don't say that, Liv," he said, shaking his head. "You might…this is ridiculous. I mean, I don't even know why I told him…yeah, I do, I said it because I wanted my kids and I had to…"

"What are you talking about?" she interrupted, tired of his babbling.

He took a breath and looked at her. "I need your help…with the kids," he said. "I kind of implied that you would…actually, I flat out said that you would be helping me out with them. The lawyer…he made this big thing about Kathy having two people in the house, I guess Fin's moving in, and I said…I told him you'd be there. With me. So…will you? Be there with me?"

She was holding her breath the whole time he spoke, and when he finished, she let it out. She let her lips curl into a slow smile despite her fear. She knew this was a big step in a direction they weren't ready to take, but she thought he was adorable. The way he fidgeted when he got nervous, the rate at which the words had flown out of his mouth, and the look of love and desperation in his eyes that was mixing with worry tugged at her heart.

"Baby?" he prodded, needing an answer and not sure if she was smiling out of love or if she was laughing at him.

She blinked and gave his hands a squeeze. "El, I will be there, whenever you need me, for as long as you need me."

He let out a sigh of relief and lifted her hands to his lips, kissing each of her knuckles. "Thank you," he whispered. He smiled at her and said, "Next on the list, five bedroom house. The lawyer said four, but I don't think any of my kids really want to share a room, and if Cragen comes knocking at all, we can make it look like you've got your own room, so more is better."

"Woah," she said, sitting up straight. "You actually meant…like…move in with you?"

He blinked and was silent for a moment. "It's…it's not any different than what's going on now. I didn't think…"

"I'm worried about your kids," she interrupted, looking pale.

He chuckled and shook his head. "It's her fault, remember? They're mad at her, not me, and they love you. God, Liv, they missed you so much."

She gave him a sad smile and softened her eyes, and she asked, "Can we talk to them about it first? Make sure they won't mind me being there?"

"Yeah," he said, nodding, scooting his chair around the side of the table to get closer to her. When he settled into his new spot, though, he groaned. "Fucking hell," he mumbled, his eyes sliding shut.

"What?" she asked, her brow scrunching up.

"Look," he said, jutting his chin forward.

She turned her head and she felt a wave of panic. Though they were in the midst of a divorce, she still felt guilty being with Elliot in the presence of Kathy. The woman had accused her of trying to wrestle Elliot into bed for years, and now here they were, sharing coffee and cake, holding hands, clearly together, in front of her.

Kathy was looking right at them. She raised a hand and gave a small wave, an attempt at a smile, and a nod.

Elliot grumbled, holding tighter to Olivia's hands, and turned his head back toward his lover. "Ignore them," he said to her. "Please, just ignore them," he whispered, rubbing her nose with his.

Olivia let out a soft laugh, loving this cute, loving side to him that she'd never been privy to until now. "Ignore who?" she asked playfully, smirking.

"That's my girl," he chuckled, letting his lips inch closer for a kiss. He made contact, laughing against her smiling mouth, and pulled her hands, wrapping her arms around his neck and then moving his own around her back. "I love you," he whispered, pulling away from her slowly. "I know you wanted to wait, take things slow, and I am, but…"

"I love you, too," she said, interrupting him. "We've said that already, El. It's not a secret. It's just…"

"Scary," he finished, nodding. "I know. I thought…well, for the few days I was alone in your apartment, I…I thought I'd never be able to fall in love again."

She scoffed and nodded once. "I was thinking the same damn thing in the car that whole week." She shook her head and then added, "I knew, though, that if you…well, I thought it wouldn't be possible, but I knew I'd be able to fall in love with you." She met his eyes again and whispered, "Because I already had."

He smiled and kissed her, ignoring the two people walking up to their table. He was trying to ignore them when he cupped Olivia's face and deepened the kiss, but when the man cleared his throat, it was impossible. "God, what?" he snapped, pulling away from Olivia and looking at Fin and Kathy.

"Would you mind if we joined you?" Kathy asked, giving them both an awkward smile.

Olivia chuckled. "That's a rhetorical question, right?" she asked, folding her arms.

Kathy couldn't help but give her a small glare and shake her head. "No," she said. "I actually really want to talk the two of you." She pulled a chair from an empty table over to theirs, and sat. "I got a call from my lawyer," she said, "And he said you're fighting the agreement, why?"

Elliot looked confused. "I wasn't…I didn't…what?" he asked, squinting and trying to think about his conversation with his friend, Tom.

Kathy sucked in a breath and said, "My lawyer called me, and he told me that your lawyer called him and claimed that in a few months your home will be more suitable to raise the children, and at that time you're going to revisit the case and file for full custody. Why would you do that, Elliot?"

"Why would you sleep with Fin?" Elliot asked, sounding bitter. Then he retracted. "Sorry, that was…look, I don't know where Tom got any of that. In a few months, nothing is…oh. Oh, my God. He didn't…oh, boy." He cleared his throat and said, "Maybe. All right? Maybe things on my end are gonna be a little more stable than things on yours. I'm probably gonna have a more permanent relationship and a healthier environment for them by then. Tom assumed something…because I told him who I was…kind of seeing…and he knew…" he gave a wave of his hand and leaned back. "I want the kids," he said, poking the inside of his cheek with his tongue.

Kathy nodded, swallowing, and tried not to let the tears fall as she looked from Elliot to Fin, back to Elliot, then to Olivia. "Prepare for a fight," she said, standing up. "Until then, though, I hope you two are very happy together. You…you should be happy."

"We are," Elliot said, thankful that Fin had the decency not to speak. "You, too, Kathy," he added with closed eyes. And as he watched them walk away, he looked at Olivia, who looked just as surprised as he did, and he wondered what the next few months would lead to, and hoped that Tom's assumption was right.

**A/N: Interior decorating, a meeting with Cragen, and Fin tries to talk to Olivia. How does that go? A phone call from Dean, too! Next! Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: "Language has created the word "loneliness" to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word "solitude" to express the glory of being alone. And it has created the word "love" to express the blessing of never being alone again."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf, this story belongs to TStabler©**

The day was dragging. Olivia and Elliot spent most of it ignoring Fin, making phone calls to the morgue, the lab, TARU, and various stores looking for a specific couch for the house they hadn't bought yet, and finishing paperwork on which they'd fallen behind.

Cragen, watching them keep to themselves, walked over and cleared his throat. "A minute with both of you?" he said, his eyebrows high. "Now," he added, turning, assuming they'd follow.

Olivia looked up at Elliot, shrugged, put her pen and file down, and got out of her chair. She waited for Elliot, who mimicked her actions, then walked into Cragen's office, still saying nothing to Fin.

Cragen looked at them as they walked into his office and he folded his arms as he asked, "Just how long do you think you can avoid talking to him?"

Elliot glanced at Olivia before looking at his captain. "To who, Cap?"

"Whom," Olivia mumbled, out of habit.

Elliot chuckled, looking back at her, relieved that after so much time apart she could still correct his grammar without batting an eyelash. "Whom," he said, rolling his eyes.

"Santa Claus," Cragen said, annoyed. "Who do you think? I don't know what exactly is going on, but I got the general idea. How many times have I told you to leave the personal shit out of..."

"This is beyond...this was the ultimate betrayal, Cap," Elliot said, sounding hurt. "It's not affecting my work. As long as I don't have to work with him, I'm good."

Cragen looked at him and then said, "You might have to, Elliot. How many times do we have to split up into..."

"I'll go with Liv," Elliot interrupted. "Leaving her alone with Fin isn't a good idea right now either."

Cragen ran a hand down his face, shaking his head. "You can't...I get that you have issues with him, both of you, but don't make me write you up or send you home for this," he warned. "You can be civil for a few hours, you have no choice."

Elliot, deciding the meeting was over, turned to leave.

"And don't think I don't know what's going on with you and your new car," Cragen said, stopping him.

Elliot turned sharply and Olivia coughed. "What?" he asked, confused.

"Fin trashed the Lexus, so you, what, traded up for a Ferrari Fioriano?" He looked at Olivia and said, "The four-door, leather interior, cherry-red, fully loaded."

Elliot squinted. "Did you just hit on Liv?" he asked, folding his arms.

Cragen laughed. "No, but I got you to admit it," he said, grinning. "If this is some kind of rebounding thing that's just gonna end..."

"It's not," Olivia cut in. "It's not. We...we haven't even hit the floor, or bounced yet. No rebounding."

Elliot laughed at her attempt at a sports reference, and he said, "It's nothing like that, Cap. We're just...helping each other cope with a lot of things right now."

Cragen pressed his lips together and nodded as he hummed. "Yeah," he said, "Go out there and cooperate with the other detectives in this squad or you can help each other cope with unemployment, too." He shared a chuckle with them, watched as Elliot held the door open for Olivia, then said, "Hey, Elliot?"

"Yeah, Cap?" he asked, turning again.

Cragen lowered his voice, took a step closer to Elliot, and narrowed his eyes. "If you so much as park your new car too close to the curb, I will revoke your license, get me?"

Elliot looked his captain in the eyes, nodded once, and said, "I swear, I'm not gonna hurt her."

Cragen nodded, then got back to his own work as Elliot walked back to his desk. He stopped when he saw Olivia on the phone, and Munch and Fin staring at her. She looked annoyed, slightly hurt, and she wasn't saying anything. "What's going on?" he asked, directing the question toward Munch.

"Porter," Munch said, shaking his head. "She told him she was hanging up, then he said something and she's looked like that ever since."

"Liv." Elliot said loudly, walking toward her. "Liv, hang up." He tried to take the phone from her but she moved, pulling out of his reach. He watched a tear roll down her cheek.

"I can't...Dean, I can't do this right now," she whispered into the phone, sniffling. "Just stop, seriously, I'm not coming back."

Elliot tilted his head. "Hang up," he said again, wondering why she was ignoring him. He lifted his hand and brushed away a tear, and she finally looked at him. "Baby," he whispered, "Hang up."

She sniffled, letting her hand drift away from the side of her face, and she dropped the receiver onto the cradle. She fell into his arms once the phone was down, her crying stopped but her nerves shattered.

"What did he say to you?" he asked, right in her ear. He pulled her out of her chair, walking her toward the stairs. He guided her up to the cribs, knowing she wouldn't talk about it in the squad room.

She waited until the door was closed behind them, then she said, "He told me if...if it was that important to me we could have kids." She let out a depressed chuckled. "He said that he would try harder to understand our relationship, that he wouldn't take me for granted or assume I'd change for him anymore. Then he started...he started crying."

Elliot let out a breath and he tried not to feel the fear that was building. "Okay," he said. "If you want me to..."

"I told him it was way too late," she interrupted, looking up at Elliot. "That's what he should have wanted, and should have done, from the beginning. He just..."

Elliot cut her off, relieved. "You don't want to..."

"Of course not!" she said, surprised. She moved closer to him, cupped his face, and said, "I can't leave you now. You still owe me another dinner."

He laughed with her, letting his nerves settle. "So you're leaving me after that, huh?" he asked, teasing her, wrapping his arms around her.

"Depends on where you take me and how much you tip the waiter," she teased back. They shared another laugh and she got serious for a moment. "El, this...whatever is happening here...this feels right. This is what...this is what this is supposed to feel like, right?"

"What?" he asked, brushing his nose lightly against hers. "What what's supposed to feel like?"

"Love," she whispered as her eyes closed. "You're supposed to feel like you've got someone, like someone's got you. You're not supposed to feel lost and alone." She opened her eyes and said, "I loved him, I did, but without you, no matter how hard I tried, I always felt alone. I didn't feel like this with him, El."

He kissed her, holding her tight, and he pulled away slowly as he whispered, "Good." He pecked her lips again and said, "I like being the first guy to do things."

She chuckled and gave him a squeeze. "You always make me smile," she said.

"I love making you smile," he told her. "I love you."

She looked into his eyes, kissed him one last time, and said, "I love you, too." She sighed and shook her head. "We need to get down there before Cragen gives us another lecture."

He laughed and led her down into the bullpen. Fin rose out of his seat, immediately walking up to Olivia. "I need to talk to you," he told her.

She looked over at Elliot, who glared at Fin and gave Olivia a look, one that meant "do what you want," and he went back to his desk. She looked at Fin and sighed, folding her arms. "Why?" she asked.

"It's important," Fin said, grabbing his keys. He yelled to the back of the room, "Yo, Cap! Me and Benson are goin' to Mercy."

"We're what?" she asked, shocked.

Elliot looked up and raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?" he interjected, annoyed.

"I need to talk to you, and you have to talk to a vic. I'll drive you over, we can talk in the car," he explained. He put on his jacket and gave her a gentle shove toward the door.

She looked at Elliot, saying something with her eyes as she left. She took a breath as they walked in silence toward the elevator. She knew what he was going to say, and she didn't want to hear it. Not tonight.

**A/N: That conversation will change Olivia's opinion about what Fin did, and it will also make her even more anxious to make things work with Elliot. Why? Review here or on Twitter: TMG212**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: "Nobody wants to be lonely, so why don't you let me love you?"**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns the characters. That's pretty much it. Everything else written before you is pure TStabler©**

Olivia came back into the squad room. Her eyes were puffy, but not red. She was sniffling, but not crying. On the verge. "What happened?" Elliot asked, rising. "What the hell did he do to you?"

"It wasn't me," Fin defended, walking in behind her. "It was the vic." He leaned in closer to Elliot. "Eleven year old girl. She didn't make it."

Elliot looked from Fin back to Olivia. "Liv," he said softly, asking her to look at him.

She shook her head. "I'm fine," she said, walking over to the coffee pot.

Elliot folded his arms and looked back at Fin. "She's with you for an hour and she comes back crying," he accused. "That doesn't sit right with me."

"Whatever," Fin scoffed. "I needed to talk to her, man. I said my piece, what she does with it is up to her, but I had to say it."

Elliot narrowed his eyes, then walked over to Olivia. "You okay?" he asked, whispering. He tore open two packets of sweetener and flicked them into her coffee mug.

"Thanks," she said to him. "I'm fine...she just..." She took a breath. "She was a little, beautiful blonde. Her name was Elizabeth, El, I couldn't..."

"You were thinking about Lizzie," he whispered, realizing. "Oh, honey," he said even softer. He wanted to hold her. Now was not the time.

She sniffled again. "I'm fine. We have to find that little girl's killer." She sipped the coffee, relishing in its warmth. She sat down and started typing frantically into a search engine at her computer.

"You already have a lead?" he asked, following her over to her desk. "Talk to me, Liv."

She typed faster. "She was a seventh grader at Tessing. The girl was a genius, she skipped a grade and was about to skip another one." She clicked a few links and led to her student profile page. "She was loved. And hated." She clicked the comment box and brought up a few threatening comments.

"Who told you about this?" Elliot asked over her shoulder.

"Her mother," Olivia said. "I was talking to her before...before the girl..."

He squeezed her shoulder. "All right," he said. "What did Fin say to you?"

She laughed. "Thanks for changing the subject," she said, hitting the print button. "I'll tell you later."

He smiled at her, resisting the urge to kiss her, and said, "Wanna take a ride to Tessing?"

She rolled her eyes as she stood to get the papers out of the printer. "Yeah," she nodded, grabbing the papers and following Elliot out.

"What did you say to her?" Munch asked, leaning over his desk.

Fin sighed. "I told her the truth," he said. "About everything."

* * *

Chasing leads for a few more hours exhausted them. Cragen sent them home, told them they could pick up the case in the morning. The ride back to Olivia's apartment was spent with Elliot asking questions and Olivia dodging them. "So," Elliot said, opening Olivia's apartment door. "You've been avoiding it all night, you wanna tell me what you and Fin talked about now that we're not at work, in the car where I should be concentrating on the road, or the other seven excuses you used?"

Olivia laughed as she put the white bag of takeout on the coffee table. "Grab a couple beers, make yourself comfortable, and I'll talk."

He jetted to the fridge, grabbed two cold bottles, and plopped onto the couch. "Spill," he said, handing her a beer.

She twisted off the cap and sat beside him, swigging it back for a moment. "He told me why he did it."

"He told me, too," he hissed, grabbing a white carton out of the plastic bag on the table. "You were there."

"No," she said, taking her carton from him. "Why he really did it."

He looked at her, his chopsticks in his hand, frozen in a stare. "His reason changed in two days?"

"He told me..." she sighed and popped her carton open. "He told me he did it for us. He needed to prove to you your marriage was over so you would...well, he thought you'd take a change and come save me from marrying Dean."

Elliot furrowed his brow. "He was serious when he said that the first time?" he asked. "I thought he was just being an asshole."

She shook her head and lifted a piece of chicken into her mouth. "He was serious," she mumbled with her mouth full. She swallowed and said, "He told me he didn't want you to regret anything, and when she told him you were gone, he thought he didn't have to..."

"So he really didn't know," he said, interrupting.

She looked at him. "He didn't, but he was gonna sleep with her either way, El. He broke you and Kathy up so..."

"We could be together," he said. "You and me." He leaned back with a small scoff. "Damn."

She nodded, stealing his beef lo mein. "It kind of...well, now I feel...I kind of wanna thank him or something."

He chuckled, poking his chopsticks into her carton and snatching broccoli. "Me, too, baby."

She squinted as she spoke. "Does this count as that second incredibly romantic dinner?"

"No," he laughed, shifting closer to her. "But it doesn't mean it can't be number one and a half." He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close, resting his carton in his lap. He picked up a slice of her chicken with his chopsticks and held it out to her.

She smirked and bit, chewed, and looked at him. "Silly question," she said, gazing into his eyes. "If Fin didn't...I mean, if Kathy hadn't..."

"I was gonna stop you," he told her, his eyes revealing his sincerity. "I was gonna fly out and try to convince you...I didn't really think about how, but I thought I had time. In my mind it...it was me, standing when the priest said 'speak now or forever hold your piece," he laughed. "Then I remembered that you weren't going to have a Catholic ceremony, and that I had to think of something less cheesy."

She laughed and shook her head. "You were really gonna stop me?"

"Baby, I...I couldn't live with myself if I gave you up without a real fight," he told her. "Now, though, I don't have to stop you. You stopped yourself."

She sighed and raised her eyebrows. "I guess so," she said. She looked around and shook her head. "I wouldn't give this place up for him, El. I was gonna marry him, and I held onto this apartment." She looked back at him and nudged him. "I'm moving for you, and we haven even gone on a second date."

"That's how you know," he said, slurping some noodles into his mouth.

"Know what?" she asked, tilting her head.

He finished chewing and said, "How you know you're ready to love me. I mean, really love me. That you're ready to let me love you, the way you deserve, the way I have wanted to for years."

She was stunned. Speechless. "Did they put essence of Shakespeare in your egg roll?" she teased. She chuckled and moved closer to him, grazing her lips over his. "I do love you, ya know," she said, moving lightly over his mouth, nuzzling his nose with hers.

"I love you," he told her softly, his breath against her lips sending heat through both of their bodies.

She moved closer, making the kiss complete, wrapping her arms around him. She pulled away slowly and dropped her head to the crook of his neck. "I need to know you forgive me, El," she whispered.

"What?" he asked, surprised. "For what?"

"Leaving," she said, snuggling closer to him. "Letting him..."

"It never happened," he said, cutting into her words. "It's over, and done with, and there is nothing to be sorry about. I know why you did it, and I plan on killing him eventually."

She chuckled and made herself comfortable, curling further into his lap. "You're very comfortable," she said.

"Ditto, baby," he laughed, dropping his head on top of hers and holding her tighter. "I think I found a house, by the way."

She moved her eyes and peered at him. "Where?"

"Here," he said. "A few blocks away. Five bedrooms, like we need, and affordable. Brick face, a garage and space in the driveway, so both of our cars will be okay. It's a busy street, but..."

She kissed him. "Sounds perfect. Did you put a bid in for..."

"Yeah," he said, stopping her. "I did. We'll know soon, then we can finish furnishing it." He kissed her again and pushed her gently away. He got up, grabbing the leftover food, and carried it into the kitchen.

She followed him with the rest of the trash, then silently took his hand, pulling him toward the bedroom.

"I thought you wanted to watch a movie," he told her, letting her lead him toward the bed.

She shook her head. "I just wanna go to bed," she said. "That okay?"

He nodded, pulling off his shirt. He watched her, with great concentration, as she changed, and they slipped into the bed. He sighed and pulled her close, snaking his arms around her and sliding them up the back of her shirt. He needed to feel her.

She moaned softly against him, her eyes sliding shut, as her own hands splayed over his shoulder blades. She dropped a soft kiss to his chest.

He kissed her forehead and closed his eyes, unaware that in his old house in Queens, his ex-wife was having a conversation with someone who was willing to make his life difficult, and would, as soon as they could.

**A/N: What now? And that second romantic dinner leads to a step they might not be prepared to take. o..O Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: "Loneliness is the feeling one has before they meet their soul mate. What follows is fulfillment."**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf owns SVU and related characters. TStabler© owns the plot, dialogue, and original characters in this story.**

The morning had been long, hectic, and they barely had minute to themselves. With the case finally halted, Elliot and Olivia walked down the block to a café, choosing a booth near the back in case another cop or, God forbid, the captain should walk by. Just because they weren't hiding anything from Cragen, didn't mean they were ready to flaunt it in his face.

They were talking over muffins, drinking the best coffee they'd had in a while, sharing sweet glances, light touches, soft kisses. "This is nice," she said, chewing on her gluten-free, organic, whole-grain, fruit-and-nut muffin.

"Very nice," he said to her, looking into her eyes, his double-chocolate chunk, full-fat lump of cake forgotten at his side.

"Who was on the phone?" she asked, sipping her non-fat latte.

He sighed and said, "The broker. We, uh, we didn't get the house. Someone put in a higher bid a few hours after we did." He raised his eyebrows and let out a puff of air. He brought his coffee to his lips and shrugged.

"How the hell did that happen?" she asked, furrowing her brow. "It seems really odd that someone would put a bid in for a house that late. It would have had to be close to midnight, El! Who does that?"

He scoffed, picked up and bit his muffin, and said, "Kathy." He chewed and swallowed as he tried not to laugh at the look on her face. "Dickie called me from school all upset about it. She told him they bought a new house, her and Fin, and then he called me. He knew it was the house we wanted, honey. He's more pissed about it than I am."

"How did she know?" Olivia asked, anger and resentment clear in her voice.

Elliot reached out and took her hand, pulling it away from the paper cup. "She has ways of finding things out, Liv. She always has. And now she's determined to use them to make my life hell." He ran the pad of his thumb lightly over her knuckles. "Listen," he said. "I found a nicer place, closer to work. A townhouse. It's ours, free and clear, if we want it."

"Do you want it?" she asked, picking up a small squared-off piece of her muffin and popping it into her mouth.

"How the hell can you eat that?" he asked, making a face. "It tastes like cardboard and oatmeal."

She laughed. "It's really good, actually," she said. "Answer my question."

He chuckled and sipped his coffee. "I want it, yeah," he said with a nod. "But…it's pretty big. Expensive. A couple of extra rooms we don't really need."

"Yet," she mumbled through a full mouth.

He tilted his head. He looked at her for a moment and asked, "Did you just insinuate that you and I might have children some day?"

She winked at him and sipped her latte. "Finish your heart-attack with a side of indigestion," she said, pointing to his muffin and coffee. "We have to get back to work."

"So, uh, we're moving in together then," he said. "Really. Like, you and me, getting a house, buying furniture. The whole bit."

"And possibly having children one day," she said with a single nod. "You paid attention to the conversation, and that was a great summary. You get an A."

He laughed and tossed his crumpled up napkin at her. He could definitely live like this for the rest of his life. Happy.

* * *

When they walked back into the squad room, a great deal calmer and more cheerful than they'd been when they left, Cragen immediately handed them two files and looked at Olivia. "I am so sorry about this," he said.

"Sorry about what?" she asked, confused. She flipped through the file in her hands, skimming through the facts and looking at the photos. "Should I know why you're…"

"It's a federal case, Olivia," Cragen said. "A couple of men from the bureau are here, and…"

"Oh, no," Elliot interrupted. "Cap, please, do not tell me we have to work with…"

"Stabler," a familiar voice called into the room from Cragen's office doorway. " Always nice to see you, Olivia," he said, nodding toward her. He had a smug grin on his face, as if he was getting ready to accept some kind of award.

"Dean," Olivia whispered, filling with anger, coldness, and a hint of fear and a world of regret.

"Like I said," Cragen said to them, "I'm sorry." He looked at Elliot and said, "Guy named Stevens is in the office, too. He needs to talk to the two of you."

"Couldn't Fin and Munch do this?" Elliot asked his captain in a harsh whisper. "Asking Liv and I to work with him is…"

"Your job," Cragen said. "It's your job. You're the federal liaison, Elliot, which means you and whoever your partner is get the federal cases." He blinked and sighed. "I'm sorry it's Olivia, and I'm sorry it's Porter, but you have a bastard going from state-to-state, kidnapping, raping, and killing little girls. That's a little more important than a broken heart, huh? A heart that, from what I've seen, isn't really that broken anymore."

Elliot sighed and reluctantly grabbed Olivia's arm and pulled her into Cragen's office. "I need that arm," she said, yanking her arm back. She rubbed her shoulder while looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Sorry," he mumbled, plopping into a leather chair by the door. "Not really how I wanted to spend the rest of my day."

"This isn't exactly my idea of a good time either," she said, eying him, "But I didn't try to rip your arm out of the socket because of it."

"Trouble in paradise?" Porter cracked, walking between them. He looked at Olivia. "My offer still stands, sweetheart." He ran his hand along her arm and said, "You can come home."

She backed away from him, her eyes narrow, and she said sternly, "I am home." She shook her head at him, then turned toward the other agent in the room. "What do you need us to do?"

"How about an introduction, first," the man said as he held out his hand. "Agent Henry Stevens, and you're Detective Benson." He shook Olivia's hand. He, then, nodded at Elliot. "Detective Stabler, I presume."

"Yeah," Elliot said gruffly. "Right."

Stevens narrowed his eyes for a moment. "Friendly guy, isn't he," he quipped to Olivia.

She nodded. "Why do you need our help?" she asked again.

Stevens leaned against Cragen's desk and folded his arms. "You two, as I have heard from many different people, are the best in the biz. I give you a crime, you find me a bad guy. You know these crimes, you know the type of guy I'm looking for, and…"

"And Agent Porter suggested you come here, because he knows us personally, and knew once we heard there were children involved, we'd help you out," Elliot interrupted, his own arms crossed over his chest.

Stevens nodded once, then looked at Porter, who seemed fixated on Olivia. His eyes followed Porter's stare and he asked, "Was he wrong?"

"No," Olivia said. "We'll help you, on one condition."

"Name it," Stevens said, standing up straight. "Detective Benson, this guy has been just out of my reach for months. I will give you whatever you want if…"

"Porter goes home," she said, looking at Stevens, ignoring the shocked look on Dean's face and the proud one on Elliot's.

Stevens squinted a bit. "Detective, Agent Porter is the only other…"

"Then we can't help you," she said. "I cannot work with him, for both professional and personal reasons. I think if you keep him here, it'll be more of a distraction than any kind of help."

Stevens looked at Dean with a sigh and ran a hand down his face. "I'll call you," he said. "Run things from the office. Go back to San Francisco."

Dean looked at him, stunned. "Hank, I can't just…"

"Go, Porter!" Stevens said. "I didn't follow this fucker all the way to Manhattan to lose him because of you." His lip curled in anger and he watched, through narrowed eyes, as Dean grabbed his briefcase and walked toward them. "I'm sorry, Dean."

"Fuck you, Hank," Dean hissed. He turned, but before he left he grabbed Olivia and pulled her toward him, crashing his lips over hers.

She was too stunned to fight him, but clearly not enjoying it or returning the gesture. She finally pushed him away and looked at him, horrified. "What the hell was that?"

"See you soon, Olivia," he said, a gleam in his eye that said he was not kidding. He snarled at Elliot once, then walked out of the office.

Olivia's eyes shot to Elliot, who looked hurt, angry, confused, and ready to get up and go after Dean. She shook her head and he made a move to get up. But he bit his lip and stayed where he was.

Stevens cleared his throat, breaking the tense silence. "Can we get to work now?" he asked, holding up one of the files.

Elliot finally got up, walked toward them, and took the file from Stevens' hands. He glanced once at Olivia and sighed. Maybe throwing himself into the case would make him forget what he had just seen.

* * *

Elliot had never been happier to be at Olivia's apartment. He walked in, threw his jacket on the chair in the corner, pulled off his shoes, and without saying anything, he headed for the bedroom.

Olivia, feeling horrible about the turn the day that started so wonderfully had taken, followed him. She walked into the bedroom as he was changing, and she wrapped her arms around him from behind him as he was searching for a tee shirt in the dresser. "I'm sorry," she whispered, kissing between his shoulder blades.

"It isn't you I'm pissed off at," he said, his voice like ground cement. "I was watching you, believe me. I know you didn't…you didn't wanna kiss him." He turned to her, his shirt in his hands. "Did you?"

"Of course not," she said, shaking her head. "The only lips I want anywhere near mine are yours."

He let out a small laugh. "That makes me feel a little better," he said, looking at her. He ran the fingers of his left hand through her hair and sighed. "I hate him, Liv. I hate him for everything he did to you, the way he made you feel, the way he hurt you, the way he…the way he ripped you away from me."

She ran her hands down his back, slowly, her fingernails grazing his skin. She heard him moan and she bit her lip. "You're allowed to hate him now," she whispered. "You were allowed to hate him before. You can't help how you feel about someone."

He looked deeper into her eyes. She was talking about them. They couldn't help loving each other despite being with other people. They couldn't escape making themselves lonely to avoid hurting each other for so long. "Guess you can't," he said, looking down at her roving hands as her fingers moved slowly over a healed over bullet wound.

"I remember this," she whispered. "You…you pushed me out of the way."

He nodded. "I'd do it again in a heartbeat," he said, dropping the shirt and moving his right hand to meet his left on her hips.

Her fingers trailed over his chest, lightly dancing over the very surface of his skin, raising goose bumps and hitting nerves. She slid one finger down the scar on his neck, remembering the knife that made the gash. "This could have been worse," she whispered.

"You were there," he said, flicking at the buttons on her shirt, from the bottom to the top. "You got him away from me, baby."

She nodded. "He got a good slice at me, though," she said, noticing her opened shirt, and his hands tracing the scar the same knife had left on her right side.

He swallowed hard as he shirked the shirt off of her body, his heart began to pound and he felt his fingers start to tremble as her bra-clad body was revealed, so closely, for the first time. "We just keep saving each other, huh?"

She nodded, dragging her hands down to his waist, tugging lightly at his belt. She unbuckled it as she said, "I don't plan on stopping, do you?"

"Never," he whispered, slipping his calloused fingers down to the front of her work pants. They worked quickly, quietly, holding onto to the look in each other's eyes as the clothes dropped to the floor. He moved first, stepping forward and wrapping an arm around her. He guided her with his kiss, moving her toward the bed, as his left hand inched down her body, still shaking, and grabbed a hold of her cotton panties. He let go, pulled away from her lips, and looked into her eyes as one finger traced the outline of her high-cut briefs, sliding into the dip of her hip and curving of her inner thigh.

She gasped, her lips parting a bit, and her pupils dilated. That's when she felt his hands move again, both of them gripping the cotton and pulling, sliding down her body. When they hit the floor, she closed her eyes.

He knelt over her, staring at her. He slid out of his own briefs, then moved his hands to her bra, unclasping it carefully and peeling it away from her. She opened her eyes when she felt the material slip away.

They held each other's gazes as he touched and felt every inch of her body. He palmed over her breasts and tweaked at her nipples, teasing and exploring, loving the way she moved and the noises she made. He moaned and shivered in response when she began her own exploration of his body in this new, exciting way.

He shifted beside her and whispered in a low, sexy tone. "You're the most beautiful person in the world, you know that?" he told her, nudging at her nose with his.

She smirked, rolling on her side, to face him. "You're just saying that because you're about to…"

"No, I'm not," he interrupted, skirting around her attempt at humor. "I mean it, baby. Inside and out, hands down, you are truly, amazingly beautiful."

She swallowed and lifted her hands, cupping his face. She let her eyes dance with his for a silent moment, and pulled him toward her, covering his mouth with hers as she rolled onto her back again.

He followed her lead, rolling onto her, deepening the kiss, the severity of what was about to happen penetrating his mind just as he shifted to his left and felt her wetness. He moaned, moving a bit, sliding against her. She felt so good, so ready. He pushed himself up and took aim at her entrance. "If I…"

She stopped him with another kiss, wrapped her arms around him, and pressed her hands into his back, begging him to move. Begging him to make her his.

He moaned into their kiss, against her lips, as he pushed into her, the sensations causing emotions to run high and synapses to misfire.

She made a high-pitched squealing noise into his mouth and her nails cut crescent-shaped patterns into his shoulder blades.

He moaned louder, pushed deeper, and when he finally stopped, feeling all of himself inside of her, he pulled away to look into her eyes. "God," he whispered.

"I love you," she countered, shaking her head. A single tear rolled down her cheek, the only inclination of any pain.

"I love you, too, baby," he said, looking into her perfectly rounded, opened eyes as he began to move.

They finally made each other complete, saved each other one more time. The night would be longer than their day, at least, until someone who isn't supposed to be lonely anymore disturbs them.

**A/N: Coming up: A midnight call, a break in the federal case leads to a surprising suspect that makes Olivia physically sick, and Kathy pays them a visit as they start to pack. Review here or on Twitter: TMG212**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: "Loneliness dissipates as we allow ourselves to be loved. Love negates lonely, always."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story belongs to TStabler©**

She was warm, comfortable, she felt safe and she was sore in places she didn't even think she had. She grinned as she rolled over, waking from the most restful sleep of her life, and her pillow moved.

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling tight, and nuzzled her hair. He inhaled her scent and let out a soft moan. "Liv," he whispered, a prayer.

She moaned a response, tilting her head up lazily, opening one eye.

"Wow," he breathed.

She laughed and nodded. "That's one way to describe it," she said. "I'll think of more when I get full use of my brain back."

He chuckled and kissed her forehead. "What happened?" he asked, honestly not sure. "We just…collapsed."

"Wore each other out, I guess," she said, kissing his chest. "El, it's never been…never felt like that before, baby."

"Not for me either," he whispered, finding her lips in the dark, trailing his hands down her soft, tan skin.

She shivered at his touch, moaned lightly into his open, working mouth, nibbled on his bottom lip a bit and said, "I've never felt like this before. So in love, so…"

"Happy," he finished. "Neither have I," he told her. "They say things happen for a reason, baby. You leaving him, Kathy and Fin happening…maybe it was all supposed to happen. We're supposed to be together."

She scoffed. "I almost forgot that you're a card carrying member of the Believers Association. Fate, kismet, angels, miracles…you actually buy all of it."

"I do," he said with a smirk. "You're living proof. Fate brought us together, my angel. And you are my miracle."

"Now you're just talking all poetic so you can get laid again," she said, kissing him.

He moaned into her kiss. "No, I really believe…"

"I know you do," she interrupted, sliding her legs opened a bit, despite the ache in her muscles. She wrapped her body around his, but before she could get him where she wanted him the most, his phone rang.

"Damn," he whispered, shaking his head.

She groaned and dropped her head miserably to his chest. "No," she mumbled.

"You know I have to get it," he said, kissing her once as he sat up, nudging her off of him. He answered it with a pissed off spouting of his name. "What? Who the hell is this?" He looked at Olivia and raised an eyebrow. "Oh, well, that…that's um….yeah. No, she'll have no problem taking him in, but I think Fin and Munch should question…right."

She raised an eyebrow, snapped his phone shut, and asked, "Do you want the good news or the bad news?"

"Good news," she said firmly.

"We have a suspect," he said. "A pretty damn prime one, considering his prints were at every, single scene."

"That's great," she said, slithering toward him. "What's the bad news? The guy dead? Already in jail? What?"

He sighed, he shook his head, and he kissed her lips gently. "Baby, it's Dean."

She went pale. She felt her stomach lurch, her head spin, and her heart crack in two. "Oh, my God," she whispered, her hand covering her mouth. She turned her head. "Oh, my God, El."

"I know you're…I know, okay, but we have to…"

"Yeah," she said, nodding slowly. She closed her eyes and tried to swallow the bile rising up in her system. She got out from under the sheets, she padded softly to the bathroom, and she closed the door behind her.

She pressed her back against the door and slid, limp and shaking, to the floor. For the first time since she'd admitted she was in love with Elliot, she cried.

* * *

The day, for them, was short. Cragen sent them home because Elliot couldn't control his temper and Olivia wouldn't stop screaming violent obscenities at him. They headed home, silent and fuming the whole way, and mutually decided that with the time they were given away from the job, they'd start in on the packing. He had asked if she wanted to do it and she grunted, it was enough of an agreement for him.

They hadn't said a single word to each other, not a peep, but once they were through the apartment doors, his lips were on hers. His hands were around her waist, his fingers were sliding into her pants, he was relentless in his quest to touch her, to love her.

She kissed him back eagerly, apologizing without words for being so hostile. She pulled back from him for a moment, breathing hard, and she said, "I can't…I didn't think he'd…"

"Stop," he told her, pulling her back. "You don't have to think about it, we don't have to talk about it. Not now. Not until he's…"

"I have to talk about it," she said. "I think it…it might be my fault. This all started when I left, El, I think he…"

"He's doing this to get to you? You think that?" he asked, running hands through her hair. "Baby, he had to have been this psychotic before you even met him. Huang's gonna tell us what he thinks, but you are not responsible for this. Don't you dare blame yourself."

She took a breath, and she nodded at him as her lips met his again. "I love you," she whispered to him, brushing her hands over his back.

"I love you, too, baby," he said, pecking her lips once. He moved, heading into the kitchen to grab some boxes, and he tossed them into the living room on his way to the bedroom. "Start taking the things off of the walls. I'll be right back."

She looked around and took a deep breath. Luckily she had never really unpacked. They didn't have much work to do, just the electronics and the décor items. She sighed again, then walked to the leftmost wall. She reached up and grabbed a framed photo of her and her mother, and just as she dropped it carefully into an open, empty box, someone knocked on her door.

Elliot, coming out of the bedroom in nothing but sweats, held out a hand. "I'll get it," he told her as he walked toward the door.

She couldn't help the smirk that spread over her face as he moved, she took in the sight of him, shirtless and barefoot, and she suppressed a moan. The man was a god, and he was all hers. She had a right to smirk.

"Stop staring," he said, shooting a cocky grin her way.

"I'm gonna walk around in my underwear, see if you can stop staring," she spat back, her arms folded.

He chuckled. "Point taken," he said, grabbing the knob and opening the door. "Oh, you," he mumbled, leaving the door open and walking toward Olivia. "Talk to her, as far as you're concerned, I'm not here."

Olivia was confused until the person who'd been knocking stepped into the room. Kathy. She closed the door and took another step. "I know you're angry," she said. "I wanted to apologize."

"For what, Kathy?" Elliot fumed, ripping the pictures off of the wall. "For ruining our chances at getting the house of Liv's dreams? For sleeping with one of my best friends for a year? For telling the kids they were moving in with me before you even told me that you dropped your claim? What, exactly, are you sorry for?"

Kathy took a breath. "All of it," she said. "I just...I wanted you to hurt, Elliot. I don't know why, but I did. I thought...you know, you have her now, so..."

"So I shouldn't be allowed to have anything else?" he finished, turning to her. "You're right, I don't need anything but Liv. That doesn't mean we didn't really fucking want that house."

"I know that," Kathy said, her eyes closing. "Fin told me you were bidding on it, I went crazy for a moment. I didn't...a part of me didn't want you two to be that close that fast. I called a friend of mine and blocked you out." She looked at Olivia and tried to smile. "I...I heard you guys got a great place right here in Midtown."

"We did," Olivia said, biting her lip.

Kathy walked over to Elliot. "Can I talk to you? Just for a minute, alone, I swear it has nothing to do with..."

"Liv stays," came his hard response.

Kathy sighed and she nodded. "Okay," she said. "Ever since you met her, Elliot, you've been different. I noticed it right away. She changed you. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, because honestly she's made you a better man, a better cop, and a better father. It's the husband part that she fucked up," she explained.

"Kathy, if you came here to..."

"Let me finish," Kathy interrupted. "You're different, and you're in love with her. You were a lousy husband to me, because you wanted to be one to her. It got so...so lonely, watching you fade and pull away from me, Elliot. I had to do the same thing. Don't hate me for what I did, because I did it for you. The both of you." She blinked away a tear. "And I did it for us."

He squinted. "Us? What the hell does that mean?"

"You're the father of my children," Kathy said softly. "You and I need to be friends, in some respect, and if we stayed together we would have ended up hating each other. If she married Dean and left you without a chance at loving her, you would have resented me even more than you do now, don't you get that?" She brushed the back of her hand over his cheek and said, "This was saving what little respect for each other we had left, the only way I knew how."

He blinked and backed away from her hand, then stepped over to Olivia. He pulled her into his arms and looked down at her for a moment. He kissed her, then looked up at Kathy. "I hope you and Fin are as happy as me and Liv," he said.

"Oh, we're not, and we never will be," Kathy said with a laugh. "But we are happy. And I do love him. He'll never be you, though, and that's okay." She nodded at Elliot, tried to smile at Olivia, and walked out of their door.

Once it was shut, Elliot looked back down at Olivia, he pulled her even closer to him and kissed her, promising a much nicer end to their day than the beginning. "We finish packing," he said, "And then we head into that bedroom, and we aren't coming out until I've done everything I want to do with you."

She raised an eyebrow. "That's gonna take a while, isn't it?"

"All night," he said with a nod and another kiss. He led her back to the box, began packing, and glanced back at the door. Why the hell had Kathy come out to Manhattan to apologize? Something was up, and he was going to find out what.

**A/N: Was Dean guilty? Did it have anything to do with Olivia? And what was up with Kathy? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: "It doesn't take a genius to realize that loneliness is self-made. It takes a human to do that."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and related characters/ideas belong to Dick Wolf. Original plot and dialogue belong to TStabler©**

"You…hold on, Benson. You actually blacked out? From sex?" Alex asked, shocked, as her drink dangled in her hand.

Olivia rolled her eyes and made a grunting noise. "I can't explain it, I mean, one minute we were…ya know, right _there_, and the next minute everything went dark, I couldn't hear anything. I woke up in his arms three hours later. I have no idea what happened."

"He fucked you senseless," Alex said, scoffing. "I thought it was just an expression."

Olivia chuckled reaching for her drink. "God, Al, he…he made me feel things I have never…not once for a single moment…felt in my entire life. He made me feel parts of my body that I didn't even know existed."

Alex, a drugged look on her face, simply hummed. "Damn," she hissed. "You just had to come back when you did, huh? I could have helped him forget all about Kathy, then I'd be sitting there telling that kind of story."

"With a bloody nose and two black eyes," Olivia said through a smirk. "If I didn't kill you."

Alex laughed. "You know he's not my type," the lawyer said. "Are you okay? I mean we are here because you just testified against your ex-fiancée, spouting a ton of evidence that…"

"I know, and thank you for taking me out for a drink because I needed it," Olivia said with a sigh. "I'm fine. This just happened so fast. He was only arrested a few days ago, the case jumped the calendar because he's a federal agent. I just…I can't think of him as…part of me wants to believe he couldn't have done this."

"You heard Huang," Alex shrugged. "The man suffered a psychotic break in his teens, he has a chronic compulsion to…"

"Oh, my God," Olivia said, sitting up straighter. "That's why he didn't want kids!"

Alex nodded. "According to Huang, that's most likely why. But I'm asking you as a friend, if there's anything…"

"I'm okay, Alex," Olivia interrupted again with a softer smile. "Really, I don't have any real feelings about this one way or the other, except I should have seen it. I should have known something about him was…"

"You did," Alex said, cutting her off. "You ignored it because you wanted to be happy, honey. No one is blaming you for any of this."

Olivia sighed. "I know they're not, it's not my fault, I get that. I don't wanna talk about this anymore, so…"

"Yeah, back to you and the stallion," Alex interjected with a laugh. "I mean, really, tell me everything. I want details."

"I am not feeding your fantasies about my boy…"

"I wouldn't be including him in the fantasy." Alex narrowed her eyes and smirked at Olivia, who just rolled her eyes and laughed. "You're happy. You haven't been happy in a really long time, and he makes you happy, doesn't he?"

Olivia had to think about it. "I'm only happy when I'm with him. When I'm not, it's like every bad memory comes back to haunt me, I'm reminded of every failed relationship, and every wasted moment, and then I look at him and it all goes away. With him, I know none of it matters. I'm not alone anymore."

"You never were," Alex said. "Not until...He Who Must Not Be Named."

Olivia choked on her drink. "Could we not compare Dean to Lord Voldemort? You're gonna ruin Harry Potter for me."

"Oh, the horror that would be," Alex moaned sarcastically.

Olivia finished her drink. She tilted her head and grinned at Alex. "I still can't feel my legs," she said.

Alex looked up at her. "Oh. My. God." She sat slack-jawed as Olivia got out of her seat and waved at her, and she had to remind herself to breathe. "Lucky son of a bitch," she mumbled, shaking her head. She was talking about Elliot.

* * *

Olivia walked into the squad room, tossed her coat over the back of her chair, and moved to pour a cup of coffee.

"Don't bother," someone told her.

She turned to see Fin, holding two trays of coffee. He nodded to the tray in his left hand and said, "The one with the stirrer is yours. Soy milk, right? Non-fat, no foam…some shit. Elliot had to write it down for me."

"You talked to Elliot?" she asked, suspicious, as she took the cup out of the gray holder.

"No, uh, he just wrote it down and handed it to me," Fin said, putting the other coffees on their respective desks. "He mumbled something under his breath, too. I think it was some kind of curse."

"He's Catholic," Olivia said, taking a sip of her coffee, made perfectly.

Fin scoffed. "A Catholic curse, then," he said, shaking his head. "Really, I think my hair's gonna fall out."

"It was a prayer," Elliot said, walking into the room. "I was praying, Fin."

Fin turned around. "For what?"

"The strength I needed to keep from punching you in the face," Elliot said, taking the coffee and bringing it from his desk to his lips. "Thanks," he mumbled, not really grateful.

"I'm tryin' here, man," Fin said dejectedly. He sighed as he sat in his chair.

"I'm trying, too," Elliot told him. "Trying not to hate you for what you did because, really, you just made everything easier for me. Trying not to remember that, at one point, Kathy meant the world to me and you ripped it all away from me when I didn't have Liv to fall into for comfort. Trying to remember, trying really hard to remember that you were my best friend, Fin. When I didn't have Liv, I had you." He shot his eyes up to meet Fin's. "Guess it's the other way around now."

"Guys," Olivia sighed, "Please. Don't do this now. Just let it go for the next seven hours." She looked at Elliot, a question dancing in her eyes. "Well, what happened?"

"Bastard denied it," he shrugged. "Too bad we had a mountain of evidence against him and one hell of a prosecuting attorney." He looked at her. "Where did you run off to with Alex?"

"Bar," she said, shaking her head. "Trevor came back from the dark side just in time to throw Porter to the wolves. I couldn't…I didn't want to watch it happen."

"He did a good job," Elliot shrugged. "I'm just glad he's on our side of the force now," he added, using another Star Wars reference. "There's a recess until Monday, though. The defense swears they can find evidence suggesting Porter's innocence."

Olivia sat in her chair, ran her fingers through her hair, and she sipped her coffee quietly, afraid to admit that a part of her hoped they could prove it wasn't him, so she could feel like she wasn't living with a monster and ignoring it for a year. "They have work to do, then," she said.

Elliot nodded, sitting down, just in time for his phone to ring. "Special Victims Unit," he said as he lifted the receiver. He narrowed his eyes, then tapped a button and hung up. He glared at Fin. "Your girlfriend is on line two. Could you tell her not to call you on this line? Some poor soul is trying to report a rape, out there, and getting a fucking busy signal."

Fin scoffed. "Didn't have a problem when she was callin' to talk to your ass," he spat, picking up the phone. "Hey, you. What? You…no, they don't say much about that stuff at work. You actually…why did you do that?"

"Talking about us," Olivia assumed out loud.

"Sounds like he is having his first of many spats with Kathy because the woman doesn't know how to fucking communicate." Elliot folded his arms and pouted.

Olivia chuckled. "You're one to talk."

"We communicate perfectly," he said, looking at her as if she'd lost her mind.

"I meant, with Kathy. You didn't tell her half of what you…"

"Because she didn't need to know," he interrupted. "If involved her or the kids, I talked to her. Whether or not she heard me, or cared…" he sighed. "Forget it, I don't even give a shit anymore. I'm happy. I've got you. I'm happy."

She grinned at him. "You said that twice."

"Huh?" He furrowed his brow at her. "Oh. Yeah. Because I am. Very happy." He looked at her with soft eyes and a trace of a smile.

She shot him a coy look as she sipped her coffee. "Me, too," she said.

"I can see it in your eyes, ya know," he said, scooting his chair closer to his desk as if it could make him closer to her. "I can see that you're really happy with me. You never looked at him, or anyone else I can remember, the way you look at me. That's how I know."

"Know what?" she asked, tilting her head.

"That you love me," he said.

She smiled at him. "I think I've proved that in other ways," she said in a whisper.

He laughed and nodded. "Yeah, but when you look at me, the way that I look at you, it makes it all so clear."

Their eyes met, and locked, but their loving gaze was broken when Fin slammed the phone down and grunted. Elliot smirked and turned to him. "Welcome to life with Kathy Malone."

Fin scoffed. "She always that moody?"

"You ain't seen nothing yet," Elliot cracked. "What seems to be the trouble?"

Fin folded his arms and sat back in his chair. "She told me she was takin' her mother out to dinner last night. I find out she really went all the way over to talk to you. That's a lot of highway, and a tunnel from Queens to Midtown, to get to you."

"Yeah, we know," Elliot said with narrow eyes. "She was trying to apologize and…"

"I know what she was doing." Fin looked at Olivia. "You know what she was doing?"

Olivia sat up. "Yeah, Fin. I was right there."

"And you just let it happen?" Fin asked, angry. "What the hell kind of relationship do you two…"

"I didn't let anything happen!" Olivia yelled. "She came in, tried to get Elliot alone with her but he wouldn't let me out of his sight! I was right beside him, the whole time, listening to her tell us how sorry she was for making the offer on the house we wanted, and how she was just handing over the kids to Elliot without even…"

"What?" it was Fin's turn to interrupt. "She's dropping the custody…she didn't…she told me she went to your place to apologize and the second you got her alone you grabbed her, kissed her…"

"Yeah, that happened right after a happy, pink unicorn flew out of my ass and shit rainbows all over Liv's new shoes," Elliot said bitterly. "You really believe I would ever kiss anyone besides Liv now?"

Fin pondered the question seriously for a moment. "No," he finalized. "No, you wouldn't. I know how long you waited for her, man, I just…why would Kathy lie?"

"She's needy," Elliot stated. "I admit, I ignored her a lot. I would leave her home alone a lot to spend more time with Liv, I know it was wrong but I did it. She would call me, or text me, telling me she had dinner with s friend from work. Hinting around like he made a pass at her, try to get me jealous, or protective. I guess she still feels like she needs to do that kind of thing. Make you angry, make you prove that you're willing to fight for her…because I didn't."

Fin tilted his head. "Maybe," he mumbled.

"She was lonely for a long time, Fin. Because of me. We both were. It wasn't a comfortable marriage, and hasn't been for years. It doesn't mean I didn't love her, I just…I loved someone else more, in a different way."

Munch, coming out of the interview room, cleared his throat. "If you are all done playing Doctor Phil, there's a pedophile in a metallic room waiting for the two of you to pull a confession out of his ass."

Elliot looked back, laughed, and said, "Thanks, Munch. We're on it."

"Oh," Munch said, looking into his eyes. "Cragen is pissed off at you for something. Did you, uh, did you dent someone's Ferrari?"

Elliot scrunched up his brow and looked at Olivia. "No, the Ferrari is still in mint condition."

Olivia raised an eyebrow. Someone had told Cragen Elliot hurt her, and she knew nothing she said would convince him otherwise. She thought, as she followed Elliot into the interrogation room, that she would just have to show him.

**A/N: Who talked to Cragen? What did they say? How do they convince their captain they're fine, and how does Fin convince Kathy he doesn't need her to play games with him? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212 **


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: "Loneliness is a state of mind, but love is a state of being."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and related characters/ideas belong to Dick Wolf. Original plot and dialogue belong to TStabler©**

Elliot and Olivia made their way into the pit, but before they walked into the cold interrogation room, Cragen yanked on Elliot's arm.

Elliot turned, his brow furrowing. "Cap, what..."

"You two," he said, glaring at Elliot, "Have to keep things under the covers, if you know what I mean. Keep the Ferrari in the damned garage when you're at work, Stabler! No checking under the hood, or taking it for a joyride, or..."

"What are you talking about?" Olivia asked, her hand on the doorknob.

"Someone saw you," Cragen said, gritting his teeth. "Someone saw you...and it looked violent." He glared at Elliot again. "I told you if you ever hurt her..."

"Hold on," Elliot interrupted, backing away. "No one saw a damned thing, Cap. Liv and I have kept our hands off of each other all day, actually. I'm not stupid enough to do anything like that at work, and she's not much of an exhibitionist. And violent? Cap, not that you need to know, but we...we're not exactly into biting and scratching, at least...we haven't really figured out if we are yet."

Cragen blinked. "You two...you haven't...you aren't..."

"Who told you we were?" Olivia asked, no longer wanting to talk about her sex life with her captain. "And how the hell would they have seen anything if we were in court all day?"

Cragen ran a hand down his face. He shook his head and he sighed. "Right," he said. "You're right. I was just so...I got angry first, I didn't rationalize..."

"Who?" Elliot demanded.

Cragen cleared his throat and said, "Blake." He scratched his head again. "I don't know why I believed him, but..."

"Maybe because we both just testified against Dean, and they've been friends since grammar school?" Olivia offered. She rolled her eyes and opened the door, heading into the interrogation room. "Nothing like a good interrogation to make you forget how much your life sucks," she mused, walking in.

Elliot, behind her, chuckled. "Our lives don't suck," he told her. "They're pretty damn good, Liv." He nodded toward the menacing looking man in the chair behind the table, and he whispered, "It's his life that's gonna be hell."

* * *

By the time they were done battling with the bastard, he'd confessed and written it all down. Elliot led Olivia out, into the bullpen, but they both stopped at the sight of Kathy in the room. She was leaning over Fin's desk, a look of either seduction or annoyance on her face. Elliot could never tell the difference.

Kathy's head turned, and she immediately straightened up. She looked at Elliot for a moment, then bowed her head slightly. "Sorry," she mumbled.

"For what?" Elliot asked, folding his arms. He wanted to hear her say it.

Kathy sighed. "For telling Fin you tried to kiss me. You didn't, you wouldn't, he knows that, hell, even I know that. I just…"

"Save it," Elliot interrupted. "It isn't me you should be apologizing to."

Olivia leaned into him. "To whom you should be…"

"Thanks," he said, cutting her off and rolling his eyes with a smirk.

"Well," Kathy said, averting her eyes. "I just wanted to apologize anyway. How are the kids?"

Elliot shook his head and scoffed. "Call my lawyer," he said. "We shouldn't be talking without him, anyway."

"The claim was dropped!" Kathy yelled. "Damn it, Elliot, what do I have to do make this okay?"

"There's nothing you can do, Kathy!" he yelled back. He sat down, huffing, and pulled the first file off of the pile on his desk. He went to work, choosing paperwork over dealing with his ex-wife.

Olivia sighed and walked toward her desk. She sat, her eyes on Elliot, and reached for a file. She picked her head up at the sound of an opening door, and watched Cragen walk out of the pit, followed by their perp and Blake, the uniformed officer who had ratted them out in Dean's honor.

She watched Blake lead the perp out the doors, then Cragen headed into his office, stopping before walking in and turning toward her. She turned her head and looked at Elliot, reaching gently for his hand, knowing she had something to prove to Cragen.

"What?" he snapped.

"Don't you dare," she said, her eyes narrowing and her head tilting. "You don't get to do that anymore."

He looked up, looked into her eyes, and he sighed. "Sorry," he whispered, giving her hand a squeeze.

She nodded once, then looked over at Cragen. He looked satisfied as he walked into his office and closed the door. She looked down, then, losing herself in the file. She listened, though, to Kathy and Fin, who were trying very hard to keep things between them quiet.

"You don't have to pull that with me," Fin whispered. "You know that."

Kathy sighed. "I get paranoid, Fin," she said. "Can you blame me?"

"I'm not Elliot," Fin said, shaking his head. "I ain't gonna leave you cold and alone in bed so I could make sure Munch gets his ass home okay."

Kathy laughed, but Olivia, hearing them, raised her eyes. How dare Fin even compare himself to Elliot? Elliot never, not once, made a move in her out of respect and love for his wife. Spending time with her was a far cry from infidelity.

"I know," Kathy said, "But there are…other distractions here."

"Olivia?" Munch interjected.

Kathy, Fin, Olivia, and even Elliot popped their heads up to look at the man who, up until now, had been almost invisible.

Munch looked at each of them. "She's distracting, yeah, but she's also got a distraction of her own. It's called a job. Nothing unprofessional happens here. Besides, I doubt Olivia associates herself with people who willingly contribute to the emotional destruction of her best friend."

Kathy was stunned, Fin was speechless. Olivia made a soft scoffing noise, and Elliot grinned at him. "Damn," he said. "Thanks, Munch."

Munch nodded once and looked back down at the computer, quickly getting back to his typing after he put his two cents in.

Kathy turned and looked at Olivia and Elliot, a white pallor taking over her features. "Well, I…I guess I'm gonna go," she said, turning to leave.

That's when Elliot noticed it. The glimmering ring on her left hand, small but unmistakable. "What the hell is that?"

Fin smirked. "You told me to prove to her I wasn't gonna give her any reason to doubt me." He folded his arms behind his head in victory and said, "I'm just taking your advice."

"Not what I meant," Elliot said, clenching his jaw. "Not what I meant at all."

Olivia looked at him, then, her face falling. "Why do you care?" she asked, before she could think. Knowing how that sounded.

Elliot turned his head. "I don't care that she's getting married, Liv, I just…I care that it's fucking Fin!" He shot out of his seat, grabbed his jacket, and walked out of the bullpen, steaming.

Cragen, who had come out of his office around the time Munch made his comment, walked toward Olivia. "I think he needs to take the Ferrari home."

She didn't ask questions, she didn't even take the time to glare at him, she simply got up and walked out after Elliot. She caught up to him near the elevator, and she said nothing as she tugged on his jacket, to make him aware of her presence behind her.

"I know you're there," he said, his head resting against the cool wooden panel of the wall. "I can smell you, I can feel you, I just…I don't know why this is bothering me."

"Because it's Fin," she offered softly. "And he's moving fast, which makes you wonder how long this has really been going on under your nose, and you didn't notice or care."

He shook his head. "Why the fuck didn't I see this, Liv?"

She shrugged as he turned toward her and opened his arms, wanting nothing more than to hold her. "Same reason I didn't see that Dean was completely crazy," she sighed.

He shook his head. "This is different," he said. "This was an affair, a complete dissolution of my marriage and my faith in her, and I didn't even blink because I was so worried about you. I was so fucking lost without you that I didn't care I was losing everything else. What kind of man does that make me?"

"A man in love," a voice behind them offered.

They turned and met Trevor Langan, and he didn't look happy. "Man, don't tell me," Elliot moaned.

Trevor nodded. "It's either good news or bad news, depending on how you look at it." He handed both of them copies of reports. "He has alibis for three of the seven murders. His blood was at the scene, but now they think it was planted there."

"What are his alibis?" Olivia asked, flipping open the file.

Dean smirked. "Tux fitting, cake tasting, and hall browsing." He folded his arms and said, "You are his alibi, Olivia. Unless you can tell me…"

"He rented the tuxes online," she almost whispered. "But the other two…yeah, he was with me." She looked up at him and asked, "What do we do now?"

"Look into the other suspects and find a viable match," Trevor said. "Or he's going away for something he didn't do, because any attorney worth his salt will confuse the shit out of a jury and twist these events around." He narrowed his eyes slightly. "You know I would do it, Olivia."

Elliot held up a hand. "Hold on a minute," he said. "Dean's more than likely innocent. Who would have access to his blood, for one thing, and who would want to frame him for something this sick?"

"Someone who knows his ex-fiancée is a sex-crimes detective and would get this case, thus ensuring they never speak to each other again?" Trevor said, nodding at Elliot. "Or someone who knew it was a federal case and was trying to get the agent in charge to back off."

Elliot raised both eyebrows. "I didn't do…"

"I know you didn't, but all a jury would need is a small seed of doubt," Trevor said. "I still think like a defense attorney. You have twenty-four hours to find out who did. I suggest you start with Dean. Ask him the right questions."

Elliot looked at Olivia, who didn't look enthused in the least. "We'd have to, sooner or later," he said.

She nodded. "You call Stevens, I'll go tell Cragen." She kissed him once, before she no longer could, and headed back into the bullpen, preparing some things to say to him in her mind.

There was no preparing her, however, for what he would say in return.

**A/N: Conversation with Dean….is he done interfering with their life? And why did Fin really propose? And two people make a decision…never to be lonely again…kind of…? Review here or on Twitter: TMG212**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: "If every lonely person in the word could reach out to another, then no one would have to be lonely."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and related characters/ideas belong to Dick Wolf. Original plot and dialogue belong to TStabler©**

"You really believe I could do something like this?" Dean asked, the only words he'd spoken for the last hour.

Olivia looked at him, shook her head, and shrugged. "I'm a cop. A good one. I follow the evidence, and I choose to…"

"You'd spend every waking moment trying to prove Elliot's innocence, though, wouldn't you?" Dean interrupted. "You would never let anyone accuse him, you'd put everything you own up for collateral and bail him out, and you wouldn't sleep until you found something to prove he was innocent."

She was silent. She couldn't deny it, she couldn't argue. She cleared her throat. "I know him better than I know you," was all she offered. "Just…tell us everything you can about this case. Who knew you were on it, and would anyone want to destroy you?"

Dean scoffed. "You were always very good at changing the subject when the conversation got too serious."

"She still is," Elliot said, "But we're not here to talk about why you two broke up, we're here to get something to prove you didn't do this. If we don't, you're taking the fall here, Porter. Cooperate."

Dean ran a hand down his face. "The only people who knew I was on the case were the people working it with me, and a few reporters. I was their source, but I was never named in any article or report. Confidentiality in this was priority. Olivia didn't…she didn't even know."

"Yeah," Elliot scoffed. "The last thing you needed was a Special Victims detective helping you out on this." He caught a glimpse of Olivia shaking her head, and he sighed. "Go on."

"The only other person who had access to each crime scene, who could have possibly gotten enough of my blood or whatever to plant there was…" His eyes widened and he turned around to look at the window. "Who's out there?"

Elliot walked over, knocked on the window once, and turned off the monitor. "You think it was Stevens," he assumed.

Turning back to look at Olivia, Dean nodded. "It has to be. He's the only one who could have gotten into the lab to grab viles from my blood tests, and then…"

"Blood tests?" Olivia questioned. "Why did you need blood tests?"

Dean ran a hand down his face, sent a cautionary glance toward Elliot, and said, "I wasn't the most faithful guy, Olivia. There was…more than one woman. I was just…"

"You were getting tested?" Olivia interrupted, feeling a wave of panic washing over her.

Dean was quick to answer. "Not a single test ever came back positive! I was always clean and very safe, there's no chance that you have…"

"Jesus Christ, Dean," Olivia spat, cutting him off. "You had the balls to beg me to come back after knowing you…you son of a bitch."

Dean rolled his eyes. He looked at Elliot and asked, "Has she always been that sensitive?"

Elliot clenched his fists and tightened his jaw. "Just keep talking, Porter." He rolled his neck, cracking it. "More about Stevens."

"He's probably pissed that I didn't ask for Olivia's help, and he's probably even more pissed that I was after his job."

Elliot tilted his head. "So you think he was framing you, just to close the case? You don't know if this guy…you don't even have an actual suspect?"

Dean shrugged. "Maybe we do, maybe we don't." He looked back at Olivia. "I'll tell you if you come to dinner with me."

Olivia folded her arms. "You honestly think I would…Stevens turned over everything you had on the case. We've got a suspect, we were just hoping…forget it." She stormed out of the interrogation room, probably questioning Stevens.

Elliot, a gleam in his eyes, looked at Dean. He leaned over and said, "And just so you know, she tore herself up about this. She wanted so badly for you to be innocent. Every time something new pointed to you, her heart broke a little more. You're an asshole, Porter, you always were. A blind asshole."

Porter smirked. "An innocent, blind asshole."

Elliot shook his head. "You may not be guilty of rape and murder, but last time I checked, adultery and deceit were mortal sins. You're as guilty as they come." He let out a disapproving snort, and then he left to be by Olivia's side.

Porter stayed alone in the room, waiting. For what, he didn't know. He knew, though, that Elliot was right. He closed his eyes, caving in to his own self-loathing.

* * *

"So, do you feel better, now?" Elliot asked during a quiet moment in the squad room. There was a half-hour left until they could clock out, go home.

She sighed. "We ruined a good agent's reputation, put a crooked one behind bars, closed the case," she said. "And I still feel shitty about it."

He gave her a soft, loving look. "Forget about it, Liv. You saved his ass, the man should be worshipping the ground you walk on." He sighed and said, "Like I do."

"He's nothing like you," she said, pouring another cup of coffee. "He will never be anything like you."

"Well, thank God for that, huh?" he returned with a grin. He took the mug from Olivia, put it down, and looked at her curiously. "Drink enough of that and your stomach lining will dissolve. I'll go get us coffee from the cart out..."

"It doesn't even matter," she interrupted. "We're outta here in twenty minutes, I was just...trying to keep myself busy."

"I will keep you plenty busy as soon as we get home," he mumbled to her under his breath.

A shiver ran down her spine; goosebumps popped up, making her smooth skin ripple. His words and the promise they held made her heart pump harder, her mind began to race, filling with thoughts of the things he'd planned to do with her once they were alone.

"You in there?" he asked, smirking at the expression on her face. She looked like a drugged kitten.

"Yeah," she said with a nod. She backed up with a smirk, walking back toward her desk. She sat, watching him walk toward his side. She shook her head at him, trying to get her mind back on the mountain of paperwork she had on her desk. "Have you talked to Fin?"

"Why would I do that?" he asked, moving his chair, getting closer to her. He grabbed a file off of her desk, opened it, and began to fill out the form in the front.

She sighed, signing her name with a flick of her wrist. "Just thought you'd talk to him about Kathy. Ask him upfront about everything."

He sighed, turning his head slightly to the right to glance at Fin's desk. "I have nothing to say to him. Or her, for that matter. If it wasn't for my kids, I would never talk to her again. I can't fault her, but I can't forgive her either. Leaving me for a reason, walking away...see, that...that wouldn't have bothered me. But this...I mean, you know exactly how this feels."

She nodded. "You resisted," she said. "All the years you and I could have had something going on, you kept it under control for the sake of your marriage. You didn't want to..."

"I'm Catholic," he interrupted. "I knew how...wrong...and she just..." He shook his head. "Forget it. You, partner of mine, dotted your 'I' with a heart on this one." He smirked and tossed a file at her.

She opened it and her cheeks reddened slightly. "Shut up," she mumbled, grabbing the bottle of correction fluid.

"You're in love," he said, grinning smugly. "I mean, you've got it bad if you're acting like...well, a girl."

She smacked him in the arm with the file and threw it onto his desk. "All fixed, jackass," she said with a hint of humor in her voice. "And yeah, I've got it pretty bad."

"So I have some competition?" he asked, straightening out his desk.

"Oh, yeah," she teased, flicking off her desk lamp.

He got out of his seat, looked at his watch, and said, "We are officially off-duty, which means I can do this," he paused, kissed her cheek, and said, "Without getting in trouble."

She smiled at him, took his hand, and walked out of the squad room doors. They made it to the elevator without incident, but as the doors opened, Fin stepped out, walking right into Elliot.

"Watch it, man," Fin snapped. But when he picked his head up, he paled. "Elliot."

Elliot simply scoffed and tried to get into the lift, but Fin grabbed his arm. "Let go, Tutuola."

Fin balked, loosening his grip. Elliot had never called him anything but "Fin," and frankly, he didn't like the change. "El, man, come on. Just...lemme explain."

"You don't have to explain," Elliot snarled. "You were sleeping with my wife, it had to be for a hell of a lot longer than a couple of months if you put a ring on her finger. Anything you have to say, I don't wanna..."

"She's pregnant," Fin said, breaking into Elliot's words.

Elliot froze. He stopped talking and he slowly turned toward Olivia. "That's why she gave up the fight for the kids," he told her. "She's got a whole new family now."

Olivia squeezed his hand. "I'm sure she's not trying to..."

"Good luck, Tutuola," Elliot said, ignoring Olivia and punching the button for the ground floor. "A pregnant Kathy is not easy to deal with. Don't talk to her, don't touch her, don't even try to look at her for the next nine months, she'll bite your head off."

Fin stared at him as the metal doors closed, and he sighed. He was going to make one last attempt to get his friendship with them back, and he was going to make it tonight.

**A/N: Woah! Kathy and Fin are having a baby? And what does Fin do to them that night? What does he interrupt? Review here or on Twitter: TMG212**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: "It is the times we aren't lonely that we seem to be reminded how lonely we once were. It makes one cherish these times more."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story belongs to TStabler©**

She heard a small pop from the kitchen, and she watched him walk back into the living room, stepping over boxes they still had not unpacked. It didn't take long to move everything from her place to their new townhouse, but they weren't very proactive about getting settled in. The boxes were still strewn around the floor, sealed.

He shook his head, keeping his balance and not spilling any of the wine he was bringing toward her. He handed her a glass and winked at her.

"What are we celebrating?" she asked, sipping.

"Being here, being home with the kids, being together," he listed. "Not being at work anymore, not being with people who don't love us anymore…"

"I get it," she laughed, taking another sip of wine. She let her fingers slide over, cupping his hand. She sighed when he wrapped his fingers around hers, locking their hands together.

He gave her a look, a soft one but with hot lust in his eyes, and he jerked his head, looking at his bedroom door. "We should try to not knock ourselves out this time," he joked, smirking.

She chuckled, putting her half-empty wine glass down on the coffee table, and she rose slowly, keeping his hand in hers.

He got up, following her, anticipation coursing through his veins. Something about the way she moved, the way she smelled, the way she breathed…it all made him want her in the worst way. And the best way.

She pulled him through the door, laughed when he shut the door by hitting it with his hip, and she dropped to the bed.

He let out a quiet breath, reached for the hem of her shirt, and pulled, lifting it over her head.

She allowed it, willingly, and when he placed his open palm on her flat stomach and gave a soft push, she obeyed, leaning back on the mattress. She watched, wonder in her eyes, as he slowly took off her boots, her socks, then unzipped her pants and dragged them down over her hips.

His eyes were following each bit of clothing he removed, as if he was trying to memorize every inch of her skin. Maybe he was. He tossed the black slacks to the floor and turned his head, finally meeting her eyes.

She held his gaze as he tore off his shirt, and then unbuckled his belt. Her breath quickened and she felt her muscles starting to twitch.

He dropped his pants as he toed off his shoes, and he saw the look in her change from amusement to love and lust. Need. Desire. He smirked, proud of himself that he could get such a reaction from her.

She narrowed her eyes a bit as he moved, covering her body with his, kissing her neck as he toyed with the elastic trim of her panties. "El," she moaned, waiting. "El, what are you…"

"Shh," he quieted. "Patience, baby."

She moaned as she felt him bite her neck, and she dragged her nails down his back, making him cry out her name softly. "Guess we are into biting and scratching," she said, remembering his comment to Cragen.

"Guess so," he laughed, nibbling at her flesh as he finally discarded her panties. He moved both his lips and his hands to her bra, sliding the fabric over her sensitive nipples as he latched onto one of them and sucked.

"Jesus, El," she seethed, her hands running through his hair as he continued his quest to drive her crazy.

He moaned, sucked harder, and managed to get the bra off of her body and he tossed it over his head with a grunt. He moved up higher, letting her push down his briefs, and he heard her gasp when his incredibly ready member hit her thigh. He got a good grip on her hips and let her nipple go with a soft smacking sound.

She looked into his eyes as he twisted her body slightly to the side and readied himself at her entrance, their lips touched and he began to push.

The doorbell rang, stopping him mid-thrust. "Are you serious?" he asked, frustration rising through him.

She moaned, her hips bucked, almost sucking him into her further, but he backed away. "Shit," she complained.

He kissed her deeply, whispered, "I love you," and rolled away from her. He grabbed a robe and a pair of sweatpants from the floor, hopping into them as he made his way to the front door. He had just made himself presentable as he turned the knob.

"Mother fucker," he mumbled under his breath, looking away from their visitor. "What the hell do you want?"

"To talk," Fin said, unaware that he'd just interrupted something pretty spectacular. "I…I need to fix this, Elliot. You and me, man. I miss…"

"I have nothing to say to you." He moved to close the door, but Fin stopped him.

"Elliot," he said, the fear and hurt in his eyes was enough to break hearts. "Please?"

Elliot sighed, stepped aside, and let Fin walk into the living room. "Make it fast, I was kind of busy."

Olivia walked out of the bedroom, in purple flannel pajamas and her own robe, and she raised an eyebrow. "Fin?"

"Hey, Baby-Girl," he said, nodding at her. "Sorry to break up your evening," he said, pointing to the wine on the table. "I just…I can't go into work tomorrow knowing you both still hate me."

Elliot narrowed his eyes. "How am I supposed to feel, man? You're having a kid with my ex-wife. We're bound by that kid, who is the half-sibling of my kids, who still don't understand what the hell happened to their parents! I've got a daughter up there, asleep, who hasn't said a single word to me since they moved in here, and a son who is fully convinced Kathy isn't his real mother."

"I know you're kids are strugglin' here, man," Fin said. "You don't think Kathy hates how this all happened?"

"Kathy gave up everything she had for you," Elliot said, tilting his head. "So no, I don't think she really gives a shit what's happening to her other kids. To my kids."

Fin shook his head and sat on the couch, slumping. "She does," he said. "She just knows it's easier for them to be here with you and Olivia, they all blame her for what she did, they're gonna flip when they find out she's pregnant."

"Who's pregnant?" Maureen asked, in the middle of the staircase. "Liv?" she guessed, turning to her father.

"No, honey," Olivia said, shaking her head as she wrapped both of her arms around one of Elliot's.

Maureen squinted and turned to Fin. "Mom?" she asked, sounding horrified. "That…that's not…she was supposed to come back, she was supposed to tell us she made a mistake!"

Elliot reached for his daughter, pulling her into his arms. "She's not gonna do that, sweetheart," he said, kissing the top of her head. "Your mom and…"

"We're gettin' married," Fin said, figuring it would be better coming from him.

Maureen's eyes widened. "I thought Liv and Dad were moving fast," she breathed. "How long have you been together?"

Fin grimaced. "A long time. I'm sorry it had to be this way, I am, but…look, things worked out, right?" He offered the teenager a smile.

Maureen shook her head. "Tell my mother she can make my room into a nursery, since I don't plan on using it, ever again." She turned and kissed her father on the cheek. "We don't blame you, Dad. We all know it was mom who…"

"Thanks," Elliot said, stopping her. He kissed her forehead, and then nudged her gently toward Olivia.

Maureen hugged her, sighing, and said, "See you in the morning."

"Good night, Mo," Olivia said softly, running a hand through the girl's hair.

As soon as Maureen was back upstairs, Fin spoke again. "I don't know what I have to do to convince you I never meant to hurt you. I'm hoping this will be a start." He held out his hand, a silver key shining in his palm.

Elliot narrowed his eyes. "What is this?"

"The key to the house," Fin said. "I talked to Kathy, it was wrong of her to do what she did out of spite like that. If you still want it, it's…"

"Thanks," Elliot said, but he shook his head. "We're gonna be happy here. The kids each have their own room, our bedroom's huge, there's an amazing view from the upstairs balcony, things happen for a reason."

Fin sighed again, stuck the key in his pocket, and said, "So, you're just never gonna forgive me, huh?"

Elliot pulled Olivia closer, needed her support and comfort, and he finally said, "I wouldn't say never, Fin. I just…we need time. I know why you did it, I understand it, and I can tell you that my life is much better now than it ever was, in a way I owe it to you. But there's still a part of me that hates both of you. It'll take a while to get over that."

"As long as you don't hate me forever, man, I'm okay with it," Fin said, getting up. "Kathy, uh, she wants to know if you'd…well, she knows you two are my best friends, and this is probably the worst time to ask…"

"Then don't," Elliot said. "If you're gonna ask what I think you're gonna ask, if you ask me now, the answer's gonna be no."

Fin nodded and took a deep breath. "I'll ask later then," he said, nodding. "I really am sorry, man. Maybe you an me, Munch and Ryan, we can grab a couple drinks after work tomorrow. Like we did before…just…before."

Elliot closed his eyes and swallowed. "Sure," he said. "Small steps, right?"

Fin smiled a bit and nodded. He left, closing the door behind him.

"Well," Elliot said with a sigh, "That definitely killed the mood."

Olivia laughed, then pulled him over to the couch, sat, and handed him his wine glass. "We'll just have to get back into the mood, then, won't we?"

Elliot sipped his wine, wrapped an arm around her, and grabbed the remote, turning on the fireplace with the push of a button. He kissed her, and they snuggled closer on the couch. "Won't take that long," he whispered. "Not with you."

She kissed him, holding him close, and she silently wished that it wouldn't take long for everything to get back to the way it was before, with Elliot and Fin, because she knew they needed each other, that there was a part of Elliot that felt lonely without his best guy friend.

She moaned into the kiss as Elliot slid his hand up her shirt, and she pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind. As Elliot had said, small steps were all they could take right now.

**A/N: What was Fin going to ask? He asks, next. Maureen tells the other kids what she knows, and they react…to Olivia. And Alex confronts Elliot, but what about? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: "It is in the times we are surrounded that we feel most alone."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and related characters/ideas belong to Dick Wolf. Original plot and dialogue belong to TStabler©**

"Are you serious?" Kathleen asked, looking at her sister from across the room.

Maureen, folding a shirt and putting it into her drawer, nodded. "That's what he said, and I think he'd know."

"Mom's really not coming back for him," Kathleen said, looking down. "For us."

Dickie scoffed. "We're better off, Katie. Dad tried…you know he tried to make it work. He missed Liv, yeah, but he didn't run off to find her, he stayed with Mom, no matter how much he probably didn't want to."

Kathleen folded her arms and flopped back onto the bed. "I hate her."

"Mom?" Lizzie asked, looking up from the floor.

"Liv," Kathleen said. "And Mom, yeah. They're both to blame for this."

Maureen shook her head. "Liv wasn't even here, Kat. She was out in California, getting married, to a guy who treated her like shit."

"Maury!" Lizzie gasped.

"Oh, grow up, Lizzie," Maureen hissed. "You've heard worse."

Lizzie paled. "I was just…do we have to talk about that man? Everything he did to Liv, I don't wanna…"

"God," Kathleen interrupted. "That's what I mean! If she would have stayed, said no, or made him stay in New York, then Dad wouldn't have been so grouchy all the time, and Mom wouldn't have started seeing Detective Tutuola, and we'd still…"

"We'd still be miserable," Dickie said. "You go downstairs, you find them, and you look at them. They never stop smiling! They fall asleep with smiles on their faces, when is the last time you've seen Dad smile like that?"

Kathleen was silent.

"He's happy with her, and I'm happy he's happy," the boy said. "I don't blame him, or Liv, for what Mom did. She hurt all of us, Dad and Liv included, and you're really concerned because she doesn't want us to live with her? What is she gonna offer you with Fin that Dad's not giving us with Liv?"

Kathleen sniffled. "But she's our mother," she said softly. "How could she just walk away from us like this, start a new family with a new person, and just forget about us?"

"She didn't forget about you." The voice was soft, warm, loving.

All of the kids turned toward the door, their eyes widening as they saw Olivia standing there with the rest of the laundry.

Olivia walked in, closed the door behind her, and looked at each child. "Your mom just found someone who makes her happy, guys. She knows the new house they bought isn't big enough for you all and a baby, so she's leaving you with us, because you'll be more comfortable here."

She pushed the laundry basket to the side and she let out a short breath. "I'm not trying to take her place, you know. I can't help that I…I fell in love your father. I'm pretty sure he's told you how he feels about me, and I can't honestly say I know why, but we're happy. I love him, and I love you guys, too. But I understand if you think it'll be easier for you if I…"

"No," Lizzie interrupted. "We've seen what happens to Dad when you're not in the same place. If you left, we'd never see him," she said with a laugh.

Maureen chuckled. "Yeah, Liv. The only one who can't seem to get into the groove here is…" she paused, seeing the fire in her sister's eyes. "Well, you just said you hated her, Katie! What did you expect me to say?"

"I don't…I don't know if I hate her, or if I hate him, or if I hate Mom or what," Kathleen said, standing up fast. "I'm more confused now than I was in Henson's calculus class, and it's driving me crazy that I don't have a handle on my feelings." She bit her lip, unable to tell them why the was really bothering her.

"Katie?" Maureen asked, worried.

She moved to the door and flailed her arms a bit as she rambled, trying to find as many excuses as possible. "I don't even know Detective Tutuola well enough to call him by his first name and he's gonna be my stepfather! The only woman besides Mom I have ever confided in is gonna be my stepmother, so now whenever I tell her something she'll run right to Dad! We're gonna have a baby brother or sister that we're never gonna see because we can't stand being around Mom. Do you see why I hate this, now?"

Olivia stepped toward her, cautiously, and rested a hand on her shoulder. She looked into her eyes, proving she was telling the truth. "Kat, I have never told your father anything you and I have ever talked about, and I will never do that, unless it's something he needs to know."

Kathleen blinked. A tear rolled out of her eye and down her cheek. "Really?"

"Really," Olivia said. "Just because I'm with your father now, it doesn't change the fact that you and I are close. In fact, it should make us even closer, sweetie. And where did you get the idea that I was gonna be your stepmother, anyway?"

Dickie looked up and whistled innocently.

Lizzie scoffed. "Dickie had one of his man-to-man-talks with Dad, and he kind of got the idea that Dad wasn't planning on letting you go anytime soon." Her brow furrowed. "He's also convinced he isn't really Mom's son."

"You and me, Liv. We kinda have the same nose, yeah?" Dickie joked.

Olivia chuckled. "Trust me, if you were my kid, you'd know it."

"How?" Dickie asked, folding his arms.

Olivia brushed his hair back. "I would have never let you go," she whispered to him. "Besides, I didn't even know your father when you were born, and you are definitely his son." She winked at him and looked back at Kathleen. "You know, your dad really wants to talk to you, sweetie. He misses you."

Kathleen took a breath, nodded, and walked out of the room, heading downstairs to talk to her father.

"Thanks," Maureen said, smiling at Olivia. "She needed that."

"Anytime," Olivia replied, leaving the room. She took a deep breath and let it out, then walked down the stairs, hoping she wouldn't interrupt Kathleen and Elliot on her way into the kitchen.

* * *

After dinner, Elliot and Olivia loaded the dishwasher and sent the kids up to their rooms to do their homework. He watched as she walked into the living room, and he followed her with a smile.

"Kathleen was pretty quiet, all through dinner," she said, running a hand through her hair.

"She's really having a problem with all of this," Elliot said, sighing into the couch with a beer in his hand.

Olivia, her own beer gripped tightly, shook her head. "I used to hate watching my mother date, go out with men who treated her like..." she paused, then scoffed. "The way Dean treated me."

"Dean was an ass," he said, draping an arm over her. He kissed her forehead and closed his eyes. "I'm so sorry. You know, none of this is about you. She just needs someone to blame and right now..."

"Yeah," Olivia interrupted. "I know. She'll be okay."

He kissed her cheeks, then placed his lips over hers gently. "Alex called, by the way. While you were finishing the laundry, which I wasn't even aware you could do."

She laughed. "Maureen did it," she said. "I just emptied the dryer and folded the clothes." She kissed his chin and asked, "What did Alex want? Was it about the case?"

He shook his head. "It was about you. She said you, uh, told her about...she actually said you told her I fucked you senseless."

"Her words," Olivia defended. "Not mine. We were just talking, El. Like you haven't told the whole erotic story to Ryan and Jack."

He smirked. "They're jealous," he said, "But I'm not...you can talk to whomever you want, baby, she was just...very vocal about me taking care of you, and if I ever hurt you, she'll do what you wanted to do to that Morrow guy."

She chuckled and shook her head. "She threatened to throw your balls in a blender?"

He nodded. "She didn't say it quite so nicely," he said, seething and tugging on his pants.

"I think you're safe," she said with a raised eyebrow. "Unless you plan on..."

"Never," he whispered, shaking his head. "I just don't know why she was so vicious, it was like she was trying to preempt..."

Olivia interrupted him with a soft kiss. "I told Alex," she said. "When everything fell apart with Dean, I told her, and I told her that I wanted more than anything to tell you. She thought...she thought you didn't wanna talk to me. I never told her it was Dean who..."

"Now that makes sense," he said, cutting her off. "Please, tell her the truth so she stops threatening me with kitchen appliances."

She laughed and wrapped her arms around him, kissed him, and murmured a barely audible, "Okay."

"Are you over him?" he asked, quietly, his heart breaking as the question fell from his lips. "Everything he put you through, are you over it? Are you..."

"El," she said, pressing a finger to his lips, "I lost everything I had, and you were right here, you gave it all back to me. I have never been more ready for anything in my life than I am for being with you, really with you."

He sighed. "God, I thought it was just me," he said with a laugh. "I thought I was a horrible person for not even thinking about Kathy anymore, not as anything other than the mother of my children."

She slid her finger over his lips, and held her breath as he kissed the pad of it. "It just means you love me."

He nodded. "Very much," he whispered, looking into her eyes.

She smiled at him, moved her finger, and replaced it with her lips. They were oblivious to the girl watching, from the middle of the stairs, with tears in her eyes. She sniffled and pulled her knees to her chest, wondering why, when she was surrounded by so much love, and people whom she loved, she felt so lost and alone.

She blinked and realized, it was time to tell her father about Ken, and why her heart had really been broken.

**A/N: Kathleen and Ken? As in Fin's son? That can NOT be a good thing! Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: "People often make themselves lonely just to see if people will care. But finding out they don't just adds to the loneliness."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story belongs to TStabler©**

"Good morning," Elliot mumbled, yawning as he rolled over and draped his body over Olivia's.

She smiled and sighed. "Morning," she said.

"We did it again," he said, nuzzling into her neck. "Passed the fuck out."

She chuckled. "I guess we're doing it right," she said, kissing the top of his head as he nestled further into her neck. "Maybe a little too right."

"Oh, I'm not complaining, but I would like to stay awake long enough to cuddle with you," he said with a smirk. "We just need to practice."

She laughed. "Practice makes perfect," she said, kissing him as he popped his head up. She made a face and chuckled. "We can practice after you brush your teeth," she teased.

"Right," he said, "Like you just woke up with minty fresh breath." He nudged her and they both laughed, then rolled out of the bed, smiling and chuckling their way into the bathroom.

He stood behind her, in front of the sink, and they both grabbed their toothbrushes. They kept laughing and poking each other as they brushed, Elliot would press forward into Olivia, she would splash water over her shoulder at him, and they made the most mundane activity playful and romantic.

The house phone rang just as they were starting to rinse, and Elliot spat into the sink. "I'll get it," he said, kissing her shoulder and neck quickly.

He ran into the hallway, grabbing the receiver. "Stabler residence. Ken who? Oh, Kenny! Hi. What…Kathleen? No she isn't awake yet, why? About what? Oh. No, she…she didn't tell me anything. Does your father know?"

Olivia walked out, her robe tied tightly around her, and she folded her arms as she listened to the conversation.

"Ken, I…I wouldn't have had a problem with it. But you know that your father is…oh, wow, okay. Yeah, um, why don't you come over. We'll talk about this. How about noon, maybe a little after. We'll talk about it. Bye, kid."

"Who was that?" Olivia asked, watching Elliot hang up the phone.

Elliot ran a hand down his face. "Ken Randall."

"Fin's son?" Olivia asked, confused. "Does he need our help again? Because…"

"He was dating Kathleen," Elliot interrupted. "For a long time, and then he found out his father was sleeping with Kathy, and…and he freaked out. He broke up with her, said it was way too weird."

Olivia looked up at the ceiling. "That's why she's taking this so hard."

Elliot nodded. "I told him to come over, we'll all sit down and talk about this. Why didn't she tell me?"

"Maybe she thought you'd think…I don't know, El," she said, shrugging. "Maybe she thought you didn't want her dating your best friend's son. Or maybe she thought you'd disapprove of the age difference, or the fact that we've had to get him out of trouble a few times."

He looked at her and sighed. "Maybe, but she would have known if she just told me. I'm not…I'm not…"

"Okay," she said, running a hand through his hair. "Breathe. She didn't tell you, but she's a teenage girl. There's a lot of stuff she didn't tell you."

He sighed and nodded. "I just hate that because of Fin and Kathy, she has to go through this. Ken's a good kid, and he would have been great to her." He bit his lip. "They just didn't think."

"Kathy probably didn't know either," Olivia said, taking Elliot's hand. "Neither did Fin, so don't blame…"

"Mom knew," Kathleen said, coming further down the stairs. "Mom knew and she still…how could she…"

"Your mother knew?" Elliot asked, interrupting. "I think I get it now. I have to make a phone call." He headed into the bedroom, closed the door, and dialed Kathy's number from his cell phone. He sighed, hating that he had to confront her about something so awful.

* * *

It was almost quarter after twelve when the doorbell rang. Olivia got off of the couch, thankful for the interruption. She couldn't take listening to Elliot and Kathy fight, or Elliot and Fin bicker. She walked to the door and opened it, welcoming Ken into the house. They walked into the living room, and the young man's eyes widened. "Dad?"

Fin smiled a bit at his son. "Why didn't you tell me about this?" he asked.

Ken plopped into the seat beside Kathleen, gave her an apologetic look, and shrugged. "She's Elliot's daughter. I thought you'd think it was weird. But nothing is weirder than this is gonna be."

"He's gonna be my stepbrother," Kathleen said. "You knew I was seeing him, Mom, and you still…"

Kathy looked at her daughter. "You would have been making a mistake, Kat. He's older than you, and he's…"

"He's what?" Fin asked, folding his arms. "Not good enough for her? Black? What?"

Kathy looked at Fin, sighed, and said, "Your son. I didn't want her with your son, Fin, because I wanted you." She shook her head and said, "When she told me, I…I knew I had to tell Elliot and the kids about you. I wanted…"

"You could have just told me as soon as I told you I was seeing him, Mom," Kathleen said. "You didn't have to wait until…"

"Who cares when she told you?" Ken interrupted. "I can't date my stepsister, Kat. It's just…wrong. And they're obviously not breaking up, they're getting married and having a baby, this is like a fucking soap opera. A bad one."

"Is there a such thing as a good one?" Olivia asked, absently, trying to ease the tension.

Elliot chuckled, then said, "We just wanted to give them a chance to explain. To apologize. To realize it wasn't just me they hurt." He glared at Kathy, then shook his head and pulled Olivia closer to him.

"I know I hurt them, Elliot." Kathy shook her head and looked at Fin. "You didn't know, Fin, so don't blame yourself. I was selfish, and I was so scared of losing you the way I lost Elliot, that I panicked and I had to make sure that there was no way that would happen."

"So you made your daughter and my son sacrifice their relationship?" Fin asked. "Kathy, I would have…we could have worked this out some other way."

"No we couldn't have," Ken interjected. "I just came by to tell Kathleen I wanted my sweatshirt back. I called, but her dad picked up the phone and…staged this intervention."

Kathleen looked at Ken and said, "I left it in your car. You already have it back."

Ken got up and said, "Then I guess that's it." He looked at Elliot. "It would have been a lot easier if you would have just let me call her back." He shook his head and walked toward the door. He looked over his shoulder and said, "I'm so sorry, Kat, I just…I can't."

Kathleen nodded. "Neither can I," she said. And she watched him walk out of the house, holding her breath. "But I would have liked to try."

Kathy looked at her daughter, sadly, and tried to grab her shoulder. "Kat, I…"

"Get off of me," she spat. "You're my mother, and you…I hope you and Fin are happy, because being with him cost you everything." She stood up and walked toward the stairs, and she turned back. "Liv never would have done this to me. She would have put my feelings first. She does! She always does, and I'm not even her real daughter. What does that say, Mom?"

Kathy sniffled. "I'm sorry, Katie. I don't know what else you want me to say."

"Say you're happy with Fin, and this is what you want." Kathleen blinked, a tear rolled down her cheek, and she sniffled. "That's the only thing you can say that will make me not hate you for this."

Kathy looked at Olivia, blinked, and looked back at Kathleen. "I am happy with him, Katie, but I never wanted to hurt anyone. Not like this."

"Then I guess neither of us gets what we want," Kathleen said. She glanced at her father and Olivia once, then walked away from them, up the stairs.

Elliot looked at Fin and sighed. "That backfired," he said.

"Ya think?" Fin cracked.

Olivia scoffed and said, "At least it got you two talking."

Elliot titled his head at Fin, chuckled a bit, and said, "Yeah. It did, didn't it."

Fin smiled and nodded. "Guess so," he said. He watched the corners of Elliot's lips curl into the classic smirk he remembered seeing when they would chat. He felt a wave of relief wash over him, and thought that maybe this was a bit closer to friendship.

Elliot looked from Fin to Kathy, and his smile faded. Fin he would eventually forgive, but Kathy was lucky he'd even let her in the house. "You guys can leave," he said, staring at Kathy with daggers in his eyes. "We have things to do."

Kathy nodded, standing, and held her hand out to Fin. "Come on," she said.

Fin rose, sighing, and he said, "Elliot, the offer stands. Munch, Ryan, me, and you, huh? Tomorrow after work?"

Elliot tilted his head.

"Olivia is more than welcome," Fin said. "She's always been like one of the guys."

"I'll let you know tomorrow," Elliot said, shocking everyone. "Get home safe, huh?"

Fin nodded, smiling a bit, and walked toward the door. He left their house feeling a little less lonely, and a little more hopeful that things would be okay.

Hope would be short-lived, though, when the small steps forward turned into a huge leap backward at work in the morning.

**A/N: Loneliness catches up to someone in the next chapter, Elliot lets his rage get the best of him, and Kathleen goes on a date with someone else to get over Ken. But who? Review here or on Twitter: TMG212**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: "When you're a teenager, every time you fall in love, it's forever. And every time you fall out of love, you break apart, vowing to never love again. Until the next love of your life comes along."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story belongs to TStabler©**

Olivia couldn't take her eyes off of the captain's door. It had been almost an hour since she pulled Elliot off of the asshole they'd been interrogating, and forty-three minutes since he was called into the office by a very pissed off captain.

He almost killed the guy, really, but she had managed to talk it down to an "almost-broken" arm. It didn't matter, Cragen was still pissed and Elliot was still in hot water, and she was still waiting for him to come out and tell her everything was fine.

Finally, the door opened, and he stepped out, but it didn't look like everything was fine. Not at all.

"Well?" Olivia asked, folding her arms.

Elliot just glared at her, putting his gun and badge in his drawer. "See you later," he said, slamming the drawer shut, turning, and walking out of the bullpen.

Olivia shot up, but instead of going after Elliot, she ran into Cragen's office. "What just happened?" she asked.

"Olivia, this is the third time this year he's let his temper flare in an interrogation," Cragen said with a sigh. "I had no choice here."

"How long?" she asked, her arms folded.

"Three days," Cragen said, looking at her. "He almost broke the man's arm, Olivia, I couldn't..."

"Almost," she interrupted. "I broke that jerk's ribs last week, you gonna suspend me?"

"I...I should have," Cragen said, tilting his head. "But you were going through a lot. Dean...and moving back here..."

"You don't think Elliot's going through a lot?" she asked. "His wife has been having an affair with his best friend, and he has to work with the guy, he's going through more than..."

"Stop defending him, Olivia," Cragen said, cutting her off.

Olivia's eyebrows shot into the air. "I'm his partner. It's my job to defend him, no matter what."

"It was an unprovoked attack, end of story," Cragen said, getting annoyed. "He could use the break."

"All right, but if I get shot because you suspended the only person in this unit who'd really have my back, you can be the one that tells him." She shook her head and walked out, giving up on trying to convince him he'd made a mistake.

Fin looked up at her as she walked toward her desk. "You all right?"

"No," she said, shaking her head. "But I have to be, don't I?" She cracked her knuckles and grabbed a pen, getting ready to attack some paperwork. "You still going out after work?"

Fin furrowed his brow. "Yeah."

"We'll be there," she said, referring to herself and Elliot. "I need a drink, and I bet he does, too." She went to work, hoping the hours passed faster than she thought they would.

* * *

She pulled the car up to the house, a few hours later, and Elliot was waiting for her on the stoop. He got up, brushed himself off, and walked toward the car. He got into the vehicle, leaned over the console to give her a kiss, and said, "I missed you."

She sighed and said, "Ditto." She pulled away from the curb and asked, "Did the kids ask why you weren't at work?"

"They just assumed I got in trouble," he shrugged. "It isn't the first time, ya know? But they did ask where you were. Apparently, they think that if I get sent home, you do, too."

"I wish that was how it worked," she scoffed. "Ya know, he actually told me to stop defending you. I almost handed him my badge and took the three days off, with you."

"You should have," he said, smirking. "Do you know what we could get away with in the house without the kids around?"

She chuckled. "All the ice cream we want and jumping on the bed without being looked at like we're stupid?"

"Well, we could definitely involve ice cream," he said, "And the bed would definitely be moving."

She laughed and turned into the bar's parking lot. "Goofball," she said, still chuckling.

He laughed as she parked, then he bit his lip. "Hey, come here," he said, pulling her hands off of the wheel and yanking her toward him. He kissed her before she could ask what he was doing, and she moaned against his lips.

She finally got a hold on him and pushed, and breathed a bit before asking, "What the hell was that?"

He laughed and kissed her again. "Proving how much I missed you," he said, pulling her further over the console, into his lap. "I really have no desire to go in there right now. I just wanna be alone with you. Just for a minute."

She sighed and got comfortable, wrapping her legs around him and kissing him. "I feel like a teenager sneaking out to see the guy she's dating," she laughed. "Well, again."

He laughed and rolled his eyes. "We aren't sneaking," he said. "We're just taking what we can get." He kissed her and ran his hands up her back, pressing down, holding her closer. He mumbled something, and then he slid his lips down her chin and her neck.

"I love you, too," she said, gasping as he grazed his mouth over her skin.

"You heard me?" he questioned.

She nodded, then kissed his lips. "Come on," she said, slipping away from him. "We should get in there, have a drink or two, then go home."

"Home sounds amazing," he said, smirking at her. "I think we actually have ice cream, ya know."

She rolled her eyes and walked toward the bar door, holding out her hand for him.

He took it, locking their fingers together, and brought them up to his mouth, kissing her hand.

She smiled at him as she pushed the door open, flashing her ID to the man on the bench. She waited for Elliot to do the same, and when she searched for their friends, her eyes popped. "El," she said, tugging on his hand. "Is that..."

"Shit," he said, shaking his head. "I knew this was a bad idea. You wanna leave?"

"No," she said, shaking her head. "As long as he doesn't start with you, I'll be fine." She walked with him to their table, and Elliot pulled out her chair for her. She sat, eyeing the man who was sitting across from her.

"So," Elliot said, "How ya doing, there, Langan?"

Trevor put down his beer. "Good, I'm...I'm good. How are you two? Haven't really talked to either of you since Dean's trial ended."

Elliot nodded, softly caressing Olivia's knee under the table. "We're both good."

"Heard ya got knocked off your pedestal at work," Trevor returned, grinning as he popped a pretzel into his mouth.

Olivia felt Elliot tighten his grip on her leg, and she knew he was trying to keep calm. "It was a misunderstanding, Trevor. That's it. He's taking a break, he'll be back on Monday."

Trevor laughed, then picked up his beer. "Right." He looked at Olivia, let his eyes wander for a moment, and he said, "You look incredible. Did you do something to your hair?"

"No," she said, tilting her head.

Trevor squinted. "Did you...no, you're not wearing makeup. You lost weight? But that was never a problem. Oh...you're...you just look good."

She eyed Elliot, who was biting the inside of his cheek, grinning like a fox. "Thank you," she said, nodding once to Trevor.

Trevor sipped his beer again, and he looked at Fin. "Should I tell him? Or will that send him over the edge again?"

Fin closed his eyes. "I'll tell him," he said. He turned to look at Elliot and he said, "Look, man, don't hate me any more than you already do for this, but, uh, Kathleen stopped by the station tonight."

"What?" Elliot spat, looking at Olivia.

"Where the hell was I?" Olivia questioned, just as shocked.

Fin sipped his beer and said, "You were at Mercy with Munch." He shook his head and said, "She was there...to meet a guy for dinner."

"Guy?" Elliot asked. "What guy?"

Fin chugged the rest of his beer. "The new guy in the lab."

Elliot turned to Ryan. "You didn't think to call me?" he said. "What guy, Ryan?"

"Hey," Ryan said, defensive. "I didn't even know she was your daughter. And you know the new kid, the one with..."

"The blonde hair?" Olivia asked, sitting up straighter. "And the creepy smile, and he's always saying something about bongs?"

Ryan nodded. "Yeah, him."

Elliot looked at Olivia. "That's not...no...no way. She is not dating that guy. He's way too old for her and..."

"And he's here," Olivia said, standing up. "With her."

Elliot's eyes moved to where he thought she was looking, and he shot up, too. "She's with him? How the hell did she even get in here? We got carded, and no way in hell does anything think I'm under twenty-one." He walked over to their table, and before speaking, he grabbed Kathleen's arm. "Let's go."

"Dad?" Kathleen cried. "What are you doing here?"

Elliot looked at her, but didn't let her go. "It didn't occur to you that, if a lab tech from my station was here, that this was a cop bar? What are you doing here, is the question I need an answer to, Kathleen. You aren't even old enough to drive a car by yourself, let alone drink."

The technician was on his feet in seconds. "Whoa, what?"

Elliot turned around. "Yeah, she's only sixteen, pal."

"Stucky," the guy said, nodding once. "You know my name, Detective Stabler."

Elliot scoffed. "I really didn't, but she's still way too young for you, and too young for her to be in a bar!"

Kathleen yanked her arm. "You're embarrassing me, Dad, can you please..."

"Home," he said. "Now." He let her arm go, but looped his around her shoulders. "How did you get in here?"

"I just did," Kathleen said, rolling her eyes. That's when she saw Olivia. "Oh, Liv, I...I didn't...I was just..."

"Were you drinking?" Olivia asked, her eyes narrowing. "Katie?" she prodded when she didn't get an answer. She leaned forward and took a breath, then coughed. "Wow. Yeah, you have."

Elliot kicked open the door, but turned back to the guy at the bench. "Did you card her?"

The large man nodded. "Of course, Detective. ID said she was twenty-two. Was a college ID, actually. Sienna, upstate."

Olivia's eyes widened, then she looked at Kathleen. "You took my old ID?"

Kathleen's face paled and her eyes dropped. "Maybe," she said.

Elliot shook his head and pushed her toward the car, saying, "You did...Kathleen, we are...how did you even..."

"You just peel the laminate off, change the picture, and re-laminate it," Kathleen said, rolling her eyes. "It's not hard, Dad. You could do it with anything hot enough to seal it."

Elliot scoffed and tossed his daughter into the backseat of the car. "What did you use, exactly?"

Kathleen bit her bottom lip. "Liv's straightening iron."

Elliot slammed the door and looked up at Olivia. "Is she for real?"

Olivia sighed. "I knew I shouldn't have moved in with you," she said, shaking her head. "I'm sorry, El, I..."

"Are you actually blaming yourself for this?" he asked, appalled. "Liv, she was gonna find another way to do this. I don't know what's gotten into her, but without you around, I can be damn sure it would be worse. I'd have four delinquents on my hands, and I'd have to handle them by myself."

"If I wasn't there she wouldn't have..."

"Stop," Elliot said. "I'm not Dean, Liv."

She met his eyes, and they were serious with a bit of hurt in them, and she knew he had figured out why she was still afraid. "I know you aren't him. I thank God every day that you're nothing like him."

He shook his head and tried to smile. "Not everything is your fault. Especially not this." He looked down and said, "She's pissed at Kathy, and she's pissed at me, so she's doing everything she can to piss us off in return."

"I can hear you, ya know!" Kathleen shouted from the inside of the car. "You can talk about me and drive home at the same time, Father!"

Elliot chuckled. "Oh, now it's 'father,'" he said. "She must really hate me tonight." He got into the passenger side, then waited for Olivia to get in.

She sat and turned the key, but before she backed out, she turned around. "I'm not mad at you."

"You...you're not?" Kathleen asked, looking at her with shocked eyes.

Olivia shook her head. "I'm disappointed in you," she said.

Kathleen sank back in her seat. "That's worse. I...I don't know why I...I just thought if I..."  
"Explain it when we get home," Elliot said, looking at his daughter with hurt in his eyes, a look Kathleen had never wanted to get from him.

The girl looked out the window and blinked, letting a tear roll down her eyes. She knew she just hurt the only two people in the world that she trusted implicitly, and she had never felt more alone.

**A/N: How do Elliot and Olivia handle their first "family" crisis together? And Kathy visits Elliot at home. Why? What does she do? Olivia isn't happy about it, at all. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: "The only thing standing between loneliness and happiness is yourself."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and related characters and places belong to Dick Wolf. The story is an original TStabler©**

Kathleen was in her room, on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She'd been lectured, grounded, and sent to her room, and she was now wallowing in her own misery. She heard the door open, and she closed her eyes. "Just go away."

"Katie," Olivia's voice whispered into the darkness, "I just wanted to tell you I understand what you did."

Kathleen sniffled, crying, and said, "How could you possibly…"

"Because I did the same thing. I didn't sneak out with an older guy and get drunk, but I did something equally as stupid," Olivia said. "I just wanted her attention."

"Who?" Kathleen asked, sitting up a bit.

Olivia sighed. "My mother. I was about your age, and I had been seeing this guy…one of her students…she didn't know. He made me feel so…special. And wanted. I stayed with him because I thought she would try to stop it, or do something to show she cared, ya know?"

Kathleen looked at Olivia. "What happened when she found out?"

"She didn't," Olivia said. "Not for a while. He, uh, he asked me to marry him. I said yes, thinking it would be a way to get away from her for good, away from everything." She smiled a little. "I told her, and, uh, she didn't take it as good as I'd hoped."

"I bet she didn't embarrass you in front of him, though," Kathleen said. "Not like Daddy did to me."

Olivia scoffed. "No, actually, she tried to kill me." She sighed. "I got into a lot of trouble, she had him transferred to a school out of state, I never saw him again and still had to deal with her hating me. So I understand wanting your parents attention, whether it's good or bad, but you lucked out. You got two great parents, who love you, and care about you, the way I only wish my mother did."

Kathleen scooted closer to Olivia. "You never talk about her. Was she really that bad?"

Olivia looked up and let out a small, shot breath. "She was probably worse," she said. "She was drinking all the time, she resented me for who I was and what I'd come from, but every time I tried to leave…even though I thought that's what she wanted…she broke down or threatened me, hurt me, until I promised to stay. She always knew how to wear me down. Be broke me, emotionally, physically…she was so good at it."

"I'm sorry," Kathleen said softly. "You never thought about going to a friend for help? Emancipation? Nothing?"

Olivia smiled at her sadly. "I didn't have a lot of friends," she said. "One or two, and they never knew about my mother. It was easier being alone than having to worry about letting people in and finding out the truth," she said. "And I didn't even think about trying to fight her legally, or going to the cops. I was way too afraid of what she would do to me. I didn't ask for help. Not until that night, after she found out I told that guy I'd marry him."

"It must have been lonely," Kathleen said, reaching for Olivia's hand.

Olivia took it, squeezed a bit, and said, "It was. But I grew up, and left home at eighteen, and I promised myself that I would never be like her. I fought to get myself to a point where I was comfortable in my own skin, where I could be the type of person who fights for other victims, because no one ever fought for me." She looked Kathleen in the eyes and said, "What's happening with your parents sucks, Kat, and you may feel that they're neglecting you just a bit because of it, but I hope you realize now, as far as parents go, you got Brad and Angelina."

Kathleen chuckled a bit, then moved closer and gave Olivia a hug. "I'm so sorry I let you down." She hugged tighter. "And I'm sorry if I got you in trouble with my dad. I didn't think he'd blame you for this at all, I…"

"He didn't blame me," Olivia said, silencing Kathleen. She took a breath, taking in the fact that her days of taking the blame for everything were really over. "Your father and I are fine."

"Thanks for this, Liv. You were wrong, though," Kathleen said, pulling away.

"About what?" Olivia asked, confused. "I thought that was pretty good for my first 'mom-speech," she chuckled.

Kathleen smiled. "It was great, but you said I have two parents who love me, and care about me, but I don't. I have three," she said. "And you are definitely more Angelina than my mother."

Olivia laughed and shook her head, hugging the girl again. "You're a good kid, honey. Smart, and beautiful, and your father is so proud of everything you are and do, even though he may not get the chance to tell you that often. Promise me you will never forget that again."

Kathleen nodded. "Promise," she said.

Olivia kissed her forehead and got off of Kathleen's bed. "Goodnight, honey."

"Night, Liv," Kathleen said, lying back down much happier than she'd been in a while.

Olivia walked out of the room, closed the door, and without even turning around, she asked, "How much of that did you hear?"

Hands gripped her arms and turned her around, and lips pressed up against hers. Making it more emotional than any kiss he'd ever given her, pulling her to him more desperately than he'd ever had, he moaned her name softly.

She held onto him, but pulled away from his mouth. "El, what…"

"Everything," he interrupted, breathless. "I heard everything, and I didn't think it was possible to fall in love with the same person twice, but I just did." He kissed her again and whispered, "You're amazing."

She shrugged, pulling out of his grip to move out of the hallway. "I was just being honest with her, El, she needs that right now. We all do." She pushed the door to their bedroom open, and she moved toward the dresser.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked. "I've always been honest with you, and as far as I know, you've never lied to me, or kept anything from me."

She pulled off her shirt and opened the drawer, looking for a pajama top. "I know that, I mean we have to keep the lines of honest, open communication open. Especially with your kids. It's not easy being the child of a broken home, El."

He reached out and held her hands, not letting her put on the shirt she had in them. He pulled the cotton out of her hands and let it fall to the floor, then ran his hands up her arms, making her tingle. He slipped his fingers under the straps of her bra, sliding them over her shoulders. "I'm gonna be honest with you, right now." He unclipped the bra and let it fall. "Everything about you turns me on, lights me up, and makes me happy."

She turned into him, letting his body shield her from the slight chill in the room, and she watched his hands move toward her pants. "El, your kids are…"

"Not going to hear a damned thing," he finished for her. "You and I have a bad habit of fucking each other into oblivion anyway, silent or not."

She chuckled, looking down as the black slacks hit the floor. She stepped out of them and kicked them away, and her hands moved toward his clothes. "That's how you know you did your job, El," she joked. "If I can't move, you did it right."

He laughed, kissing her as she unbuckled his belt and pushed down his jeans. He pulled her back with him toward the bed, plopped onto the mattress with her, and rolled over on top of her. "Alex keeps bugging me about you," he mumbled, lacing an intricate pattern of kisses down her neck.

"I know," she said, moaning. "El, the woman…you should know she's…"

"A lesbian?" he guessed, snapping his teeth around one of Olivia's nipples. "Dating the blonde reporter from channel four?" he said, sucking.

She bit her lip to keep quiet and she nodded. She felt him moving lower and she took a breath as she said, "She doesn't trust men. She doesn't trust you." She gasped when Elliot's tongue dipped into her belly button.

"She doesn't trust me with you," he told her, kissing her upper thighs. "I told her I would rather die than hurt you. She made me sign a legal agreement, stating that if I ever do she can have me arrested for assaulting an officer." He kissed his way back up and met her lips in a sweet but hungry kiss.

"I love you," she whispered, her arms wrapping around him.

He pushed into her with a whisper-quiet grunt. "I love you, too, baby," he said softly. And he looked into her eyes as he moved, making them both shiver. "God, Liv, I love you so much."

She had her lips pressed tightly together, not wanting to scream the way she felt she had to. She nodded, and she craned her neck up to kiss him as she hooked her legs around him, her feet on his lower back. It was hard staying quiet, and it was difficult staying awake after they'd brought each other to a powerful climax, but they did both.

He was holding her close, brushing her hair back, humming her favorite song softly.

"You were right," she said, smiling, woozy.

He stopped humming and looked at her "About what?"

"It's worth staying awake for this," she said with a yawn, rolling further into him.

He laughed and kissed her, forgetting briefly that she would be going to work without him in the morning. He was dreading it. With good reason.

**A/N: What happens at work? Is Kathleen really going to be okay? And Stucky doesn't give up easily. Review here or on Twitter: TMG212**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: "Being lonely can make you do some irrational things, but that irrationality is what keeps you lonely."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. Tstabler © own this story.**

Olivia was talking to a young woman, taking a statement. Something caught her eye near the door and she turned her head. She looked back at the girl. "Excuse me for a minute," she said, to the witness. She got out of her chair and walked over to him, wide-eyed. "What are you doing here?"

"I called Tucker," he said, grinning. "Tucker called Cragen, Cragen called me, and I am officially on this case." He opened his desk drawer, pulled out his badge and his gun, and he said, "Sometimes, it's good to be nice to the rats in IAB."

She chuckled and shook her head. "What did you say?" she asked.

"I told him I knew how it felt, what he was going through," Elliot said, leading Olivia back toward the witness. "We had a man-to-man talk about things like divorce, and I told him he would find love again because I had, and I knew. And he said that my actions in the interrogation room were understandable, given my emotional state."

She rolled her eyes. "You laid it on really thick, didn't you?" she teased.

He raised his eyebrows and smirked, then gave her butt a light slap. "Get to work, Benson."

She smirked at him and shook her head, then resumed her conversation with the young woman. Elliot watched her as her body language shifted, conveying a welcoming and comforting presence, her expression showed she was someone who was really listening, and was sympathetic. He heard the footsteps behind him and he said, "Don't say it."

"I wasn't gonna say anything," Cragen said.

Elliot turned around. "We can keep things between us professional at work, Cap. You didn't have to…"

"I did it because I didn't want IAB any farther up my ass then they already are," Cragen interrupted. "How would it have looked to them if I let yet another violent action from you go? They already think I'm padding your case load and giving you credit for cases that you had nothing to do with. They already know I'm not switching you around and letting this relationship happen." He narrowed his eyes. "You didn't think about anyone but yourselves when you started this, and I know you two love each other, but is it worth risking your jobs? My job? Your family?"

Elliot folded his arms. "My family consists of Liv and my kids, and we're doing just fine. We know that this is risky, job-wise, but we decided that we matter to each other more as lovers than anything else. And, yeah, we probably didn't think too hard about what you would go through because, honestly, we thought you'd split us up."

Cragen sighed. "I couldn't do that," he said. "I wanted to, but you two….you work well together, and you have the same methods and maneuvers. I've seen you with other partners, Elliot, and this is the calmest and most effective you have ever been. I can't mess with that." He shook his head and said, "I also know that if I made you split up, I would lose both of you. That's something I wasn't prepared to do. Not after I just…after we just got her back."

Elliot squinted slightly at Cragen's fumble, realizing he had said 'I' before changing it to 'we,' and he uncrossed his arms. "Well, keep in mind that we're both going through a lot. It's not just about work, Cap."

"I know," Cragen said. "That's why I called you back. When she's done with that witness, you have to talk to the victim's parents. That's always fun, right?"

Elliot scoffed. "A blast," he said, shaking his head as he walked toward Olivia.

Cragen watched them look at each other, watched Olivia's eyes light up as she introduced Elliot to the woman, and watched them fall into the solid partnership that had never failed them. He stepped back, turned, and headed into his office, making another phone call. This time, to someone who would be able to keep them together, not tear them apart.

* * *

After a successful and incident-free interrogation, Olivia and Elliot were sitting at their desks, coding and filing their report. They would steal exhausted but loving glances at each other, they would laugh for no reason, they'd even started passing notes to each other as they worked.

Olivia opened the folded note he had thrown at her. She read it and she laughed. "Yes, I think you're very pretty," she said with a roll of her eyes, tossing the paper back at him.

He laughed, then scribbled something else down. He tossed the paper back at her, and she grabbed it. He leaned back in his chair and smirked, waiting for her reaction.

"Elliot!" she gasped, crumpling the note and putting it in her pocket. "Are you trying to get us in even more trouble?"

"It's an honest question," he said, blinking slowly, smugly.

She looked at him, looked around at the people in the room, and she said. "No, never. Not with you."

He made a face like someone who had just won an Olympic gold medal, and he asked, "Really?"

"Really," she said. "Every time, sometimes…more than once."

Elliot licked his lips, his ego inflating rapidly. "How many?" he asked, leaning forward.

She ran a hand down her face. "I don't count, ya know. Uh, I think…I got up to four once, and then I…there may have been more…"

"Four?" he asked, surprised and impressed. "And that's never happened before?"

"El, before you, it was like climbing Mount fucking Everest just to get to one," she said, her voice hissing and trying to change the topic.

He nodded. "Nice," he said. "So that's a reason to stay with me, right?"

She looked at him. "What?"

"I just…." He blinked and the grin faded. "I don't ever want to feel the kind of loneliness I felt without you, ever again."

"You won't," she said. "It's not the sex, though it's amazing. It's because I love you. I don't do so well without you, either."

He smiled at her, then he tossed her another note.

She rolled her eyes and looked at him. "I love you, too."

The easy playfulness was interrupted, though, when Maureen came through the doors. "Where's my dad?" she asked, looking at the other detectives. "Stabler. Detective Stabler."

"Mo!" Elliot called, standing as he saw her.

"Oh, Dad!" Maureen yelled, running toward him. "Dad, you have to find her! You have to go get her!"

"Who, honey?" Elliot asked, panicking. "What are you talking about? What happened to your face?"

Maureen took a breath. "Katie," she said. "Someone came to the house. A guy. I said I couldn't let him in because I didn't know who he was, then he held up this ID, he works with you, so I…"

"Oh, God," Olivia said, interrupting. "The guy from the lab?"

Maureen turned to her and nodded. "Yeah. Dale something…and he wanted to talk to Katie. She came down the stairs, and she saw who it was, and she told him to leave. He got really mad, almost like he was gonna cry, and he said he couldn't leave. Not until he made sure you knew who he was."

"What?" Elliot asked, his heart dropping.

"He started shaking and he grabbed Katie," Maureen said. "I tried to pull him off of her, but he punched me and he took off. He's got Katie!"

**A/N: Hate to leave you there, but I'm living on borrowed time, and a borrowed computer. I WANT MY STUPID NEW LAPTOP, FEDEX! *takes breath* Sorry. Better now. So who did Cragen call? Do they find Stuckey and Kathleen? Is it really his doing, or was it maybe someone else's idea? And Kathy and Fin have a short heart-to-heart. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: "Loneliness comes second to fear, the fear of being lonely." **

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and Characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story belongs to TStabler**

Olivia and Elliot were in the car, speeding with their dashboard light flashing. Cragen had someone in personnel give him Dale Stuckey's address and they were off, not even waiting for permission to go.

"Turn left," Olivia said, staying cool and collected.

Elliot turned sharply, the tires screeching, and he punched the gas. He sped toward his destination. "I know," he said, gritting his teeth. He came to a squealing halt in front of the building and he parked the car in the middle of the road.

He didn't even close the door, or wait for Olivia, as he ran toward the door. He drew his gun, cocked it, and kicked in the wooden slat. It went flying off the hinges and splintered as it split. He aimed and snarled as Olivia appeared at his side.

"Detective Stabler," the lab tech said, smirking, with Kathleen gagged and bound in his lap. "I suggest you put the gun down."

"I suggest you eat me," Elliot returned.

"I'm not gonna hurt her," Dale Stuckey promised. "I promise. I just needed to guarantee you'd some here. I needed some insurance, something that would make you come talk to me."

Elliot took a step forward. "Here I am." He tilted his head and raised the gun. "Let her go."

Dale smirked wider, then licked behind Kathleen's ear as he whispered, "Get up."

Kathleen rose, shaking slightly.

Dale gave her a small push toward Olivia, and Kathleen ran into her arms. "Okay," Olivia whispered, "I got you. You're okay. Did he hurt you?"

Kathleen shook her head as Olivia untied her wrists and pulled down the gag.

"Car," Olivia said, shoving Kathleen out the door. "Go!"

Kathleen nodded and then ran out, heading for the car. Olivia pulled her gun out, then, aiming it at Stuckey.

Dale stood, then. "You ignored me, Detective. For the last six months. You were rude, and you were cruel, and then she comes back," he hissed, pointing at Olivia, "And no one else exists at all." He tilted his head. "I needed you to see me!"

"See you," Elliot said, confused. "I see you, Stuckey. I've always seen you. I just never liked you. Kidnapping my daughter only made me hate you."

"Hate me?" Stuckey asked, stunned. "But…no, no, you're supposed to appreciate my finesse. My skill. I did this without hurting her! I did this all without anyone noticing. That takes skill! You said I had to prove to you I had skills to earn your respect!"  
Elliot moved forward, keeping his gun aimed. "I meant in the lab! Where we get the evidence to put pieces of shit like you away."

"Drop the gun, Detective Stabler," Stuckey said, raising his own gun in Olivia's direction.

Olivia gasped slightly, but she was quick. She fired before he raised his arm completely, hitting his knee.

He fired as he fell to the floor, and Elliot pulled Olivia down, reflexively shielding her. Once the bullet stopped ricocheting, finally hitting the wall and lodging in the plaster, they looked at each other and rose, slowly. "You okay?" he asked, checking her.

"Her?" Stuckey shouted. "She fucking shot me! Aren't you gonna do something about that?"

Elliot chuckled. "Yeah, Stickey," he said. "I am." He turned to Olivia and said, "Read him his rights."

Dale rolled his eyes and sighed. "It's Stuckey," he corrected.

"Whatever." Elliot watched Olivia grab and cuff the young man, and he wondered how the guy could be so desperate for attention, so lonely, that he would ruin his life. He exhaled slowly, thanking God he had Olivia and his kids, and that he would never know that feeling.

* * *

When they got back to the squad room after dropping Stuckey off at central booking with three men in uniform, Kathy was waiting in Elliot's chair. She rose and ran to Kathleen and wrapped her in a tight hug. "Baby," she said, "I was so worried about…"

"Mom," Kathleen said, pushing Kathy away. "No." She shook her head, then she turned to look at her sister. She ran to Maureen and hugged her. Then the tears flowed freely.

Olivia looked on, tearing up at the sight of the two girls crying. "I'll take them upstairs," she said. She kissed Elliot's cheek, sent a cautious look to Kathy, and walked over to the girls, who both threw their arms around her. She closed her eyes and sighed, leading them toward the steps to the cribs.

Elliot looked at Kathy, then, and said, "Katie's still…she doesn't know what happened, Kathy. Only that you don't…she thinks you don't want them because you have a new man, and a new kid, and this new life that doesn't include them. She's hurt."

Kathy nodded, trying not to cry. "I know that. I'm hurting, too, Elliot."

"I'm gonna…" he pointed upstairs and nodded, then walked toward the cribs, too.

Kathy sighed, then turned to Fin. "What do I do, Fin?"

Fin shook his head. "I don't know, babe. You gotta be their mom, you gotta make them understand why you and me…why we happened. How this baby ain't gonna change how you feel about them, and how you're leavin' them with Elliot because you don't want to rip them away from him the way you ripped…"

"Fin," she said, shaking her head, "They're never gonna forgive me."

Fin pulled her into his arms. "They will," he said. "If Elliot can, they will."

"But he can't," she said, tilting her head. "He will never forgive me, Fin."

"He will, you gotta forgive yourself first," Fin said. He kissed Kathy's forehead and said, "Go home. I'll be there soon."

She nodded and looked toward the stairs longingly for a moment before she walked out of the squad room.

Fin watched her go, wondering why he couldn't take his own advice.

* * *

"I'm proud of you," Olivia said, pulling the sheets down on her side of the bed.

Elliot raised an eyebrow as he did the same on his side. "For what?"

"Not killing Stuckey," she said, stifling a yawn as she fell into the mattress.

He chuckled and got into the bed, looping his arms around her and pulling her close. He reached up and pulled the cord on the bedside lamp, then he kissed her forehead. "I wanted to," he said. "God, I wanted to."

"I know," she said with a nod. "I saw your arm and hand trembling. That's why I'm proud of you. You held back, you controlled your anger, and you didn't shoot him."

"You did," he said, kissing her again. "I knew you would. I wanted you to, because I would have killed him."

She laughed. "That's why I shot him." She turned over in his arms and said, "I knew if you saw him pulling out a gun, you'd shoot him, and kill him, and with Cragen looking for any reason to…"

He silenced her with a kiss and pulled her closer. "I'm finally letting it sink in, Liv."

"What?" she asked, sweetly running her lips over his.

"The fact that you and I, no matter what, will always look out for each other, put each other first," he said. "And I'm okay with that. I know it, I accept it, and I love it." He kissed her deeply for a moment, then pulled away with a soft moan. "And I think Cragen is, now, too."

"What makes you say that?" she asked, dropping her head to his chest with another small yawn.

He ran his hands up and down her back, holding her close, and he said, "I got an e-mail from the chief, and he said that Cragen called him, recommending us both for formal commendations from the city. He said it isn't every day you see a pair of partners in our situation work so well together."

Olivia's head popped up and she looked down at him. Her lips curled into a smile and she let out a small laugh. "We're gonna be okay," she said. She kissed him. "Even if he didn't call the chief, El, we would have been okay."

He smiled and sighed, snuggling with her and closing his eyes. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you, too." She sunk into him and she sighed happily, feeling complete for the first time in a very long time.

Something would wake her up, though, threatening to rip that feeling away.

**A/N: What? What happens? Are they going to survive it together? Or be torn apart? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: "Being lonely is crippling. Being left alone is comforting. There is a difference." **

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.**

Olivia woke up with a gasp, looking frantically around the room. It was a nice dream, and she was rudely ripped from it by a ringing phone, shrilling so loudly it scared her. She heard him murmur his protests as he rolled over beside her and she chuckled. She reached for the phone, and when she saw the name flashing on her screen, she decided answering it was not an option.

"Who is it?" he mumbled, his mouth covered partially by her arm. "Baby?"

She sighed. "It's Dean again," she said, moving to put the phone down.

He was up and snapping the phone out of her hands in seconds, and he tapped the screen with a growl. "What the hell do you want?"

She looked at him and bit her lip, hating this.

He gave her a reassuring nod and said, "No, she's asleep, asshole, where else? Even if she wasn't she wouldn't talk to you. She doesn't want to talk to you, you son of a bitch." He rolled his eyes and he spat, "Ya know what? Neither do I." He ended the call with a huff and looked at Olivia.

She took the phone from him, and looked at it as it rang again. He reached for it, but she said, "Don't." She tossed the device back onto the end table and said, "Just don't."

He kissed her forehead as he nodded. "Why is he still calling you?" he asked in a whisper. He looked at her and tilted his head. "You said 'again,' baby. How often does he call? Do you talk to him?"

Olivia stared at him for a moment. "He calls…a lot. I never answer him, and I just delete the messages he leaves for me. I don't even listen to them. Of course, I don't talk to him, El. I have nothing to…"

"We're getting your number changed. Tomorrow," he spat, furious. "He has no right…absolutely no reason to call you!" He narrowed his eyes and glared at her. "And you! Why the hell didn't you tell me about this?"

She took a small breath. "I dunno, El. Maybe because I knew you'd react like this and I hate when you get this way!"

He gave a bitter scoff and said, "If Kathy called me at all hours of the goddamned night…"

"I would assume she was checking on her kids," Olivia interrupted. "Don't even try to compare the two."

He inhaled deeply, then shook his head. "I hate him, you know that, and I don't want you…"

"I'm not," she interrupted. "El, I'm not. Calm down. I told you I don't pick up when he calls. I don't talk to him, I don't want him in my life. You don't need to get this upset."

"Like hell I don't," he hissed. "Damn it, Liv, you're mine! After everything that prick did to you, he has the nerve to call you like he…I don't even know what he could have to say to you, and unless it's groveling for your forgiveness I don't want you even entertaining the idea of listening to him!"

"Calm down," Olivia said, her voice soft as she reached out a hand to hold his. "El, breathe, baby."

He seethed for a moment, stewing in his own anger. He was shaking, his face was a shade redder than it should be, and he couldn't look at her. "Damn it, Liv," he gruffed.

She leaned closer to him, knowing better than to prod or push when he was like this, having seen him pushed to his limits on several occasions over the years. She felt the heat radiating off of him, the vibrations emanating from his body. She blinked, she looked at him, and she slowly moved her hand toward his face. She cupped his chin and moved him, forcing him to look at her. "Stop it," she whispered.

He shook his head and rushed at her, throwing his arms around her and pulling her tightly to him. "Mine." He mumbled the word over and over, as if trying to convince her that she was really his, and trying to assure himself she always would be.

She nodded as he pressed her head into his chest, holding on for dear life. "Yours," she told him softly. "All yours."

He kissed the top of her head, then dropped tiny pecks down her face, landing on her lips. The sweet and small gesture grew as he lapped at her lips, begging her to open her mouth, let him in.

She did, willingly, and he consumed her completely, closing around her like an envelope as he moaned softly and won the fight for dominance easily. He pulled away breathlessly and rested his head against hers as he tried to catch his breath. "I can't…I can't even think about…shit."

She kissed him again, her lips lightly pressing to his. "Go back to sleep. I promise, I will be right here when you wake up. I'm not going anywhere, with anyone. I'm yours."

"I'm yours," he repeated, looking intently at her. "I'm yours, Liv, not him."

She tilted her head. "Why is he bothering you like this?" she asked, sweeping her hand over the side of his face affectionately.

He grabbed her palm, turning it out and kissing the inside of her hand and each of her fingertips. The action made her melt, and he knew it as he looked into her wondering eyes. "I don't wanna lose you again," he whispered, afraid to admit it, afraid to seem weak and insecure. "I know you don't…I know you won't go back to him, but I can't help…knowing he got to you first and he almost destroyed you, I don't want him to have any opportunity to hurt you again. I just got you back, all of you, and I'm not giving any part of you up. Not for anyone."

She took a slow and trembling breath and she said, "You will never have to."

"How do I know that, baby?" he asked, so quiet she could barely hear him. "The last time someone made that promise to me she…" He closed his eyes and shook the thought away.

"I promise you," she said, her voice serious, a tone he knew all too well. "I have never broken, and will never break a promise I make to you. I swear to you, I'm not gonna let you push me away, I'm not gonna pull back. You know this is pretty much a done deal, Stabler. You're stuck with me, because I am just as stubborn and thick-headed as you are. You know I'm not going anywhere, because I love you, you idiot."

He chuckled at that, thankful she always knew how to make him laugh and smile no matter what mood he was in, and he kissed her again. "I love you," he said.

"Obviously," she cracked, rolling her eyes. "You were ready to kill someone because…"

"Wear something nice to work," he interrupted suddenly, veering from the topic.

She raised an eyebrow. "As opposed to the suits and sweaters? That's as good as it gets, pal. I'm not breaking out the Versace for a day at the office."

He laughed. "Just something a little more…like what you'd wear on a date." He held her gaze and said, "Like the black pants you have with the zipper on the side, and the blue and black shirt with…"

"You pay way too much attention to my wardrobe," she said with a grin.

He chuckled. "Not enough," he said. "I don't pay enough attention to you. That's why we're going out after work. I'll tell Maureen to lock the door when she and the other kids get home from school, we'll leave them pizza money and a few codes for the movie channels, and I'm taking you out."

"On a date," Olivia said, skeptic.

"On a date," he affirmed. "A romantic, and hopefully very physical, date." He wagged his eyebrows at her and leaned into her, kissing her once more.

Their moment was interrupted, though, when her phone rang again. Without even looking at the screen, Elliot tapped the button and spat out a harsh, "Fuck you, Dean!" His eyes widened and he stuttered out an apology.

Olivia chuckled as she heard him trying to tell Fin what had been happening. Then she froze; the look Elliot was giving her was serious. "What?"

He shook his head and he kissed her as he said, "Okay, calm down. We're coming." He hung up and looked at Olivia. "Fin wants us down at Mercy, and he wants us to bring the kids. Kathy passed out, there…there might be something wrong with the baby."

Olivia's eyes widened a bit, and she followed Elliot's lead, getting out of the bed to get dressed and wake the kids. She sighed as she felt the worry sink it. It was times like this she wished she were a better Catholic. She would be praying if she knew how, if she thought someone would listen.

She looked back at Elliot, and it didn't take long for her to realize that it was what he was doing. Praying. She could only hope his prayers would be heard, and answered, because if anyone had an "in" with God, it was Elliot.

**A/N: Will Kathy and the baby be all right? Will Elliot's prayers be heard? And what, exactly, was he praying for? Review here or on Twitter: TMG212**


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: "Being lonely is crippling. Being left alone is comforting. There is a difference." **

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.**

Olivia was in Elliot's arms. Fin was pacing back and forth. The kids were in varying states of nervous as they littered the waiting room.

"Where the hell is the doctor?" Fin spat.

Kathleen mumbled something under her breath.

Elliot turned. "What was that?" he asked, harsh and with narrowed eyes.

"You heard me," Kathleen said.

Elliot let go of Olivia and took a step toward the blonde teenager. "Your mother could be losing her child right now…"

"And it would be karma, Dad," Kathleen shouted. "I swear I can't believe I blamed you when you left. It was her the whole time! She is getting what she deserves. That child wouldn't be born into a happy, stable home, or to people that even give a shit!"

Elliot turned, sharply. "Kathleen!"

Kathleen laughed. "See, it's not like if you knocked up Liv. That would be fine with me, believe it or not! You two didn't get together until the people you were with crapped all over you. You fell in love for all the right reasons, and you're really together because you belong that way. You didn't break each other away from your family or…"

"Are you insane?" Maureen asked, shocked. "Katie, shut up!"

Elliot, fuming, looked at his eldes child. "What's gotten into her?"

Maureen opened her mouth, but was interrupted when the door behind her father swung open.

"Olivia!" a voice called, a deep voice.

Olivia and Elliot turned and both of their faces fell. "What the hell are you doing here?" Elliot asked.

Dean stepped forward, his eyes wide. "Is she hurt? Is she…"

"No, she's fine!" Elliot yelled, blocking her with his body. "We're not here because…wait, were you…did you follow us?"

Dean bit his lip. "I've been following you for a week. Waiting. Waiting for you to screw up, for you to fuck up the way I did, and lose her."

"Yeah, that's not gonna happen," Elliot said, pulling Olivia closer to him. "And you have three seconds to get away from her, me, and my kids."

Dean shook his head. "I can't do that. Not until she talks to me. I need…I need to talk to you, Olivia. Please. You love me, you know you still love me."

"Back off, asshole!" Kathleen yelled, stepping toward Dean. "She's in love with my father!"

"Whoa!" Dean said, backing up. "Someone check that kid's blood-alcohol level. She smells like a bottle of vodka."

Elliot's head turned. "Katie?" he questioned.

"What?" his daughter spat.

Elliot stepped forward, took Kathleen's hand, and leaned toward her. "Oh, honey, what are you…I thought you and Liv…"

Kathleen interrupted him. "That was before that psycho took me to his place and told me if I didn't listen to him he was gonna kill you and Liv. I needed to relax, so I had a drink. Sue me."

"A drink?" Elliot scoffed. "You had the whole bottle, Kat! Go sit down, I will deal with you when we get home." He turned to Olivia and shook his head.

Olivia, arms folded, shrugged an apology. "El, I…"

"Don't," Elliot said, stopping her. He kissed her and pulled her close. "Hey, Fin, you should talk to the nurse. Find out why they won't let you in there."

Fin raised an eyebrow, then nodded. He walked down the hallway, out of view. Then Elliot turned and glared at Dean. "What do you really want, Porter? He's gone, you can drop the stalker act."

Dean sighed. "After you two cleared me, the agency gave me hell. And then they gave me Hank's job. Part of that job is preemptive surveillance. Someone's after her, and…I do still love her, Elliot. I do. And I'm not gonna give up, not easily. I can wait until you blow it, and you will, I know it. Until then, though, I have to…"

"Who's after her? Why didn't you tell me, call the station? I can protect her better than you can," Elliot interrupted, shaking his head. "Son of a bitch, you wanted to butt in, save her. You thought she'd fall back into your arms if you played the hero?"

"Something like that," Dean said with a smirk. "But you would never let her out of your sight long enough for that to happen," he said with a soft sigh, almost sad. "Huh?"

"Damn right," Elliot snapped.

"Hey!" Olivia yelled. "We have a woman in a room fighting for the life of her child. Can you both have this little cock-fight later?"

Elliot raised an eyebrow. "Little?"

"Shut up," she said, rolling her eyes, slapping him in the chest.

He chuckled and kissed her forehead. Then turned back toward Dean. "Seriously, if she's in some kind of trouble, I need to know. If you love her like you say you do, then you'll tell me."

"That's the thing," Dean said with a shrug. "I don't remember his name. We just got a few phone calls, someone who followed her most recent case on the news, thinks she's pretty, thinks you're an ass." He shook his head. "Said he wanted to get your attention, and knew that hurting Olivia would do it. Something like…Dill Stickey, Doll Stockey…"

"Dale Stuckey?" Olivia asked, her eyes narrowing.

Elliot laughed. "We already nailed the asshole," he said. "He got to me through my daughter when he realized he…" He paused, turning to Kathleen. "Sweetheart, is that what this is?"

Kathleen sniffled. She was crying. "He wanted to shoot her. You did exactly what he wanted you to do. Thank God she was faster on the trigger."

Elliot ran to her and scooped her into his arms. "Honey, you know I would never let anything happen to her. Or you. As soon as we could, honey, we got you. She is fine, you are fine, and you…"

"Mom," Kathleen cried, shaking her head, "He called her my mom. He said he wanted to hurt you by killing my mom." She blinked, a tear rolled down her cheek. "I laughed. I told him I didn't care. Then he said…he told me he meant Liv. How messed up is that? I didn't care until he told me he wanted to hurt Liv. Why am I still so mad at her, Daddy?"

Elliot sighed as he ran his fingers through his daughter's hair, letting her cry on his shoulder. "She hurt you, honey. She hurt all of us. We're all gonna be mad at her for a very long time. But the drinking…honey, that's not gonna make anything better. Liv told you about her mother, and…"

"I know," Kathleen sniffled. "I know, and I tried not to…I was just so…I felt so alone. Dad, I just wanted to make it go away."

"What, sweetheart?" Elliot asked, pulling back from her to look into her eyes.

Kathleen sniffled and blinked. "The pain."

Olivia looked at Dean, tears in her own eyes. "I have a family now, Dean. Please, stop. I don't know how you knew about Stuckey, but he never called you. You were calling me before he even got the job at the station."

Dean's eyes flickered. "Olivia I…I'm so lonely without you. I can't think straight, I can't…"

"Stop," she said, shaking her head. "Please, just stop. It's over. It's done. I'm happy. I've got someone who loves me, more than you ever have, or ever could. You wanted me to talk to you, so I am. Go home, and don't…"

"Olivia, please," Dean interrupted. He stepped forward and reached for her hand. "Think about when we met. What you felt when we met!"

She pulled her hand out of his. "When we met…the only thing I felt was…you were someone who could maybe take my mind off of Elliot. And you did, for a while. But now…you don't have to."

Dean tilted his head. "You loved me. You can't deny that."

"I also can't deny that you broke my heart, you lied to me, you don't want any of the things that I want, and I don't love you anymore. I haven't, not in a long while," she said, shaking her head. "My family needs me," she said, turning her head toward Kathleen and Elliot.

Dean leaned closer. "They aren't your family," he hissed. "No matter how long you're with him, they'll never be your kids, they will always be his and Kathy's. Not yours. Do you really wanna raise someone else's children?"

"Hey!" Dickie yelled, standing. "You think just because she isn't my mother she is any less capable of loving me? You really don't know her, do you?" He stepped forward as Elliot turned his head, watching his son. "Olivia Benson is more of a mother than my own half the time, especially now! She's loved me and my sisters since the day she met us."

Lizzie stood, then, too. "She loves us, and our father, and I heard her ask you to leave. If I were you, I would listen to her, because no one likes Olivia Benson when she's angry."

Dean looked at the twins. "Wow," he said, smirking and shaking his head. "She really got to you."

"No, Dean," Olivia said. "They got to me. Go. The last thing you want is me pissed off, and five angry Stablers on top of it."

Dean scoffed, shook his head again, and turned around. He pushed through the doors, as Fin pushed through the wooden ones from the other side of the room. "Guys," he said, his breath heavy.

All of their heads turned. They all waited. "What?" Elliot asked, concerned.

"She's okay," Fin said, relieved, a small smile creeping across his face. "The baby's gonna be fine. She was having contractions, but the doc gave her somethin' to stop the labor. She's gotta stay off her feet for a while, but she'll be okay."

"Oh, thank God," Maureen said, holding her chest.

Elliot stood, pulling Kathleen up with him, and he walked toward his twins and Olivia. "What did the doctor say was…"

"If we didn't get her here in time, it coulda been worse," Fin said. "A lot worse. She's, uh, she's askin' for the kids."

Elliot nodded. "Take them in," he said. He watched his children follow Fin, and then he moved over and enveloped Olivia in his arms. "You okay?"

She nodded. "Just pissed," she said. "He was watching us. Following us. He thought something was along with me, so he…"

"Shh," he hushed, brushing her hair with his fingertips. "He's gone now. I called the phone company, you're getting a new phone and a new number. I put you on my plan, so you can get that funky touch screen, flip-shot, whatever-the-fuck…"

He was cut off when she turned around and kissed him. "I love you," she whispered.

"I know you do," he said, his head resting against hers. "I love you, baby. And I…I think I know how you can help me get over this fear I have…this fear of being lonely, of you leaving."

"What, marry you?" she scoffed with a smirk, peering at him over her shoulder.

His face was serious. "Yes, actually," he said, "I would love to see you in that dress."

Her smile faded. She turned around completely. "Are you…Elliot, you can't be serious." She shook her head and blinked quickly. "We're…your ex-wife is…I mean are you…"

"Don't tell me I'm not serious when I swear to God I am," he said, holding her gaze. "Put on that dress, the one I know you bought because you saw yourself marrying me, wearing it. Then actually do it," he whispered, leaning closer to her.

She let out a soft gasp. "You're not asking me to…"

"No," he said, shaking his head. "I don't think I need to ask. I know the answer. I have a ring. Not here, though. This wasn't exactly planned. After hearing my kids…Kathleen got drunk and sobered herself up because she was afraid of losing you. What does that tell you?"

"They kind of like me?" she quipped, a tear rolling down her cheek.

He brushed it away, kissed her lips, and said, "They kind of love you, baby. I love you."

She brushed her lips over his, just barely, and she whispered, "You'd better love me. You're gonna be stuck with me for a while."

"The rest of my life," he said, pulling her tight and kissing her.

Just beyond the doors, Dean closed his eyes. He'd heard every word. He shook his head and took slow steps, finally leaving the building. He felt truly alone, hopeless, and he knew he had to find a way to make the pain stop. Get even. The family was out, since he would never leave them alone, so he had to strike somewhere else, get to someone else. Someone that he knew, like he was, was alone.

**A/N: Uh-oh. O..O As an author, readers mean everything to me, even if you don't review. Thank you for taking the time to enter my world, and thank you for staying her until this point. You rock. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212.**


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: "Loneliness spreads throughout the body, a disease, a plague. There is no cure but love. Rare and pure love. Consider yourself doomed." **

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.**

Dean raised a shaky fist and knocked on the door. He waited, and he wrung his hands together.

The door opened, and the man on the other side folded his arms and growled, "What the hell do you want?"

"She…they're getting married," Dean choked out. "It took…she said no the first time I asked, it took her almost a year to say yes, and she…he didn't even really ask," he mumbled, shaking his head, confused and hurt. "What do I do now?"

"Porter," Cragen said, raising an eyebrow. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"You said…you said she just needed time," he said, pushing his way into Cragen's living room. "You said to give her time and she'd want me back, she couldn't let her whole life go like that."

Cragen ran a hand down his face and closed his door. "I didn't know what you'd done to her," he sighed. "I didn't know anything until Elliot…he talked to me."

"He talked to you?" Porter asked. "So the whole time, my indictment, the trial, you knew what I did, what was between us, and you let her handle the case?"

"I thought it would make you realize that she was ready to put you behind bars," Cragen said with a gesture. "I thought you'd see she was over you. Really over you."

"Well, I'm not over her," Dean said, closing his eyes. "I don't know what I was thinking, Don. I was stupid, and I was so fucking sure I could do anything and she'd stay."

Cragen bit his bottom lip. "You said…they're getting married? How do you know?"

Dean shook his head and chuckled. "I followed them," he admitted. "I've been following them for months. I told them it was weeks, but it was…I lost my job because I wouldn't let her out of my sight. I made up some shit about that lab rat being after her, I didn't know they already caught him." He closed his eyes and plopped on the couch. "I thought something was wrong with her because they led me to a hospital, I panicked, and I blurted out this apology that probably sounded so fucking pathetic."

"And they got engaged right in front of you?" Cragen asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No, no, they…they thought I left. I heard them talking. He didn't really ask, it more like a…a mutual conclusion they came to or something. But they're getting married, Don. She's wearing the dress she bought when she was marrying me, she's supposed to be marrying me!"

Cragen stepped forward, never really feeling comfortable watching a grown man cry, no matter how many times he had. "Stop it," he said softly. "This isn't gonna do you any good. Just tell me why, out of the hundreds of people you could complain to, you picked me. I'm not gonna split them up for you."

Dean shook his head. "That's not what I want," he said. "I've been on the phone, all morning. I got my job back, low end in cold crimes, but it's better than nothing. I'm being housed here, New York, and I'm supposed to be the liaison with the NYPD, and I know in your department I'm…"

"Shit," Cragen spat. "You're gonna be working with them, every damned time you have a case that needs our attention."

Dean nodded. "I need you to give that job to someone else, Don. I can't work with her, or him, it just…nothing would get done."

Cragen sighed. "He's had that title for years, Porter. I can't take that away from him because of personal issues. You'll just have to hope he can be professional and…"

"It's not him I'm worried about," Dean interrupted. "I want her, and I will stop at nothing to have another chance with her. If I'm alone with him, even for a few minutes, shit's gonna happen. Don, I'll kill him."

"Well, then maybe you should check your weapon at the door when you come into the station, and pray," Cragen said. "Hand to hand combat with Elliot Stabler? No man could survive that."

Dean chuckled. "Maybe I'd do it, just to let him kill me. Suicide by cop. It'd be so much easier than living without her."

"If you loved her the way you say you do…"

"Control," Dean interrupted. "I wanted to prove I had total control. I guess I took it too far."

"I guess so," Cragen said with a hefty breath. He looked around his empty house and said, "You want a beer?"

Dean nodded. "And, uh, do you think…do you think you and I could go through a cold case tonight? My first priority is one of yours."

"You already on the hunt?" Cragen asked, getting up. "Who's the vic?"

Dean took a deep breath, closed his eyes again, and said, "Serena Benson."

* * *

"Dad," a soft voice through a partially opened door spoke into the night.

Elliot shifted, his eyes opened. "What?" he asked, instinctively leaping up at the sound of a child's call.

"Are you awake?" the voice asked, still soft, still behind the door.

"Dickie?" Elliot asked, rubbing his eyes. "Yeah, I'm…I am now. What's wrong?"

Dickie poked the door a bit, opening it more. "Can I come in?"

Elliot looked over to Olivia, smirked as he pulled the covers up higher over her naked body, and said, "Yeah, but be quiet. Liv's sleeping."

Dickie toed into the room, and he sat on the edge of the bed beside his father. "I can't sleep. I need to talk to you."

"You worried about your mom?" Elliot asked, shifting over, making sure to stay covered from the waist down.

Dickie nodded. "But I'm worried about you, too. This…this all has to be…what I said to that guy, Dad, I didn't…"

"You meant it, kiddo," Elliot said with a smirk. "And it's okay. I'm proud of you for that. So proud."

Dickie shook his head. "I feel like a bad son. I mean, we were there for Mom, she was the one who needed us, and there I was defending Olivia like she was my mother. I said…I said something I maybe shouldn't have said at the time."

"About her being there more than your mom?" Elliot asked, furrowing his brow.

Dickie nodded. "It just came out. And I meant it. I do mean it. But Mom was…we were there for…I just didn't want you to think that I don't love Mom, or that I was trying to insult her or…"

"Aw, kid," Elliot said with a soft sigh. "I know what you meant, and I know you love your mother. But that doesn't mean you can't love Liv, too. I loved both of them, for a very long time."

"That's different," Dickie said with a scoff. "You were falling out of love with one while falling in love with the other. I'm…I don't love one over the other, I just love them…like mothers. And that…I feel like that's wrong."

"It's not," Elliot said. "You wanna love Liv like she's your mother, go right ahead. I know you still your mom just as much, Dickie. And besides, uh, in a few months…you might really be calling Liv 'mom."

Dickie turned to his father. "You…are you asking her to…"

"I already did," Elliot said, unable to control the smile or the laugh that escaped. "We talked about it while you guys were in with your mom. When we got back, I waited for you all to go to your rooms, and then I…gave her the ring. So…I guess…yeah."

"Wow," Dickie said, a little bit shocked, and a little bit confused. "So…wow. Dad, that's…that's really…wow."

"Yeah, everything going through your mind is going through mind, kid," Elliot said. "Trust me."

"What about work?" Dickie asked, always more logical than he let on.

Elliot bit his lip. "We'll deal with it. It doesn't matter."

"Dad, you have said, since the day you got her as your partner, that if you had to do the job with anyone else, ever, you might as well quit." He tilted his head. "That's not gonna change because you're marrying her, it's gonna make it worse. You're gonna end up…" he shook his head. "Never mind."

"What?" Elliot asked. "Say it."

"You're gonna end up just like you and Mom," he sighed. "The only reason you two work is…you don't hide things from each other. You don't close each other off from things you see at work, because she's there, and she knows. If one of you leaves…if you go to Homicide, or take that Captain's job they keep pestering you about, then you're never gonna see each other, you're gonna shut each other out, and it'll be like living with you and Mom all over again."

Elliot stared at his son. "How did you get so smart?"

"Liv threatens to shoot my Playstation if I don't study," Dickie quipped.

Elliot chuckled, and he swore he heard a snicker from the body beside him. "That's not gonna happen. I talk to Liv, not because we work together, but because we understand each other. We click. I feel compelled to tell her everything. Even when we were thousands of miles away, and only spoke through encrypted emails, I poured my heart out to her and told her things…God, things no one else knows. It's not the job that kept us together like this, kid, it's love. And that's not going away, ever."

Dickie nodded, but he said, "Still. I can't think of you without her. You weren't you without her, you were…someone else. Someone no one really liked. I mean, come on. Say it. 'Hi, I'm Detective Stabler. This is my partner, Detective…Dad, the only name that belongs there, ever, is Benson."

Elliot looked into his son's eyes, and he felt his heart give a good thunk against his chest. "You're right," he whispered. "You're absolutely right." He kissed the boy's head and said, "You have nothing to worry about. She's not going anywhere, and neither am I. Go to bed, you've got school in the morning."

Dickie nodded and hopped off the bed. "Goodnight, Dad," he said, walking out of the room.

Elliot looked over at Olivia, smiling, and said, "You threaten to shoot his video games?"

"It works, don't judge me," she mumbled, her mouth half-covered by the pillow. "He really thought…what captain job?"

Elliot shook his head. "I keep turning them down, so you don't even have to worry about it. The kid's right. I'm not Detective Stabler without Detective Benson."

She rolled over, acknowledging her waking state, and she said, "Good. Because I'm not Olivia without Elliot."

He let his grin turn into a soft, loving smile, and he kissed her, pulling the quilt out from between their bodies and pressing himself against her. "Love you," he muttered.

She ran her hand through his hair, her ring sticking a bit at the nape of his neck, and she laughed into their kiss. "I love you, too," she said quietly.

He nuzzled her nose and said, "My son might be just as in love with you as I am. Different way, of course."

"I heard him," she whispered. "What he said, El, it was so…"

"You were crying," he said, kissing the dried streaks of tears. "It was beautiful. He loves you. They all love you. This is gonna work."

She nodded. "Yeah," she whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck. She closed her eyes as his lips came down on hers, and she moaned as he pressed into her, pushing his way inside of her, yet again that night. Slowly, he convinced her that neither of them would ever be lonely again.

There were two other people, working through the night, who were trying to prove the same thing.

**A/N: What happens next? The world may never know! ;) Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: "Lonely people make it a point to keep others from feeling lonely."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters are owned by Dick Wolf. This story is owned by TStabler©**

Olivia, sitting at her desk, was sipping a cup of lukewarm and muddy coffee as the squad conversed about their case. Back and forth the conversation went, each detective detailing their findings and opinions. She stood, walking over to the whiteboard, and she pointed to the picture of one of the victims. "She's different, she doesn't fit."

"You're thinking a copycat? A coincidence?" Elliot asked, sitting on the edge of her desk, not his, with his arms crossed.

Olivia turned around, attempting to say something, but froze. Her face went white, she stopped moving, her hand gripped the mug tighter.

Elliot saw this, and he turned to see what had scared her. "Porter?" he called to the man by the door. "What the hell do you…"

"Here on business, Stabler," Dean spat. "I need a DNA sample."

"From me?" Elliot asked, stunned. "What the hell do you…"

"Not from you," Dean interrupted, rolling his eyes. His look softened as he focused on Olivia. "From you," he said, his voice sounding gentler.

Olivia blinked, coming back from her bout of spacing out. She shook her head and furrowed her brow as the color returned to her face. "What? Why would you need…"

"You're not a suspect, I just…we need a sample to use as the control in a cold case we're working," Dean said, biting his lip. "It has to be you. Please don't ask me why."

Elliot shook his head and stood up straight. "She's in the system, can't you just…"

"It needs to be fresh, run in the lab," Dean cut him off. Almost pleading. "Olivia, I'm serious."

Olivia blinked. She raised both eyebrows and she sighed. "You're not using your crazy government connections to clone me or anything, right?"

"Are you actually attempting to joke with me, Benson?" Dean asked, a soft smile playing at his lips.

"No," Olivia said, stone-faced. "I'm seriously asking you if…"

"No," Dean said, shaking his head, defeated as his smile faded. "Please, Olivia, just…stick the swab in your mouth, hand it back to me, and I'll be out of your hair."

Olivia looked at Elliot, who looked ready to kill, and she raised an eyebrow at him as she reached her hand out to take the boxed swab from Dean. She took it, opened it, slid the long swab into her hand, put it in her mouth and rubbed the side of her cheek, and capped it. She slipped it back in the box and held it in her hand, then asked, "Why do you need it?"

"I asked you not to ask me why," Dean said, narrowing his eyes.

Olivia scoffed. "Yeah, I'll just hand over my DNA to the FBI without asking why, because I'm not a detective or intelligent at all…"

"I told you," he interrupted. "A cold case we're working. I just needed a control specimen, it had to be female, I figured you'd wanna help."

Elliot chuckled. "They stuck you in cold cases?" He shook his head and said, "Better than nothing, I guess."

"Yeah," Dean said. "Gimmie the box, Olivia."

"Not until you tell me why you need it. What case are you working? Why couldn't someone in your department…"

"Benson," Cragen interrupted, "I told him you'd be willing to do this, and I assure you that he doesn't have any ulterior motives. I know what case it is, and trust me, you'll want to help."

She looked at him, hurt in her eyes. She trusted Cragen, and he was in on something with Porter, and knowingly involved her with it, too. She scoffed and slapped the box into Dean's hand. "Here," she said. "I hope you get your guy, and when it's over, I don't want my name in the report."

Dean sighed. "That's not possible," he said. "You're…you're already in it. I'll be in touch, Don, and thank you." He sent one last look at Olivia and walked out.

Olivia looked at Cragen. "Don? He called you Don, why are you two all chummy all of a sudden?"

Cragen ran a hand down his face. "I'm personally invested in the case he's working," he said. "Speaking of cases, and work, can we get back to working on this case? Benson, you were saying something about…"

"Right," Olivia scoffed. "The next time any of you accuse me of keeping secrets, I'm reminding you of this." She shook her head and sighed, then looked back up at the white board. "The last girl was a redhead, the other four were blonde. She was older than the others, lived in a different area, she just…" She stopped talking, turned to Cragen, and her eyes widened.

"What, you figure it out, Liv?" Elliot asked, walking toward her.

She nodded, still staring at Cragen. "It's my mother, isn't it?"

Cragen coughed, looked away from her, and said, "Get your head in the case, Benson. Work on these girls." He turned and walked away, heading for his office, unsure of what he was feeling, but knowing he had to deal with it alone.

Olivia shook her head, bit her lip, and looked toward the ceiling. "I gave up looking, why are they still…"

"He loves you," Elliot whispered to her. "Not as much as I do, and you know damn well if I could find the bastard myself I would. Let him do his job, baby." He was careful not to touch her too intimately, separating work from their personal relationship, but he brushed her hair back quickly. "You want to find him, I know you do," he whispered. "You made yourself sick about this once upon a time, and now you can let someone else handle it."

She looked into his eyes and nodded. "Yeah," she said softly. She wanted to kiss him, needed to, but couldn't. She cleared her throat and looked away from him, back to the white board. "So, uh, I was saying…I think this last girl is someone else's vic. She's not connected to this case."

"Great," Fin huffed. He shook his head and looked at Munch. "You're gonna need to make more sludge."

"Coffee?" Munch asked, getting out of his seat.

Fin chuckled. "That shit ain't coffee, man."

The group shared a tension-relieving laugh, and Elliot met Fin's eyes. The regret and apology in them made Elliot feel badly, but he wasn't ready to forgive him. Not yet.

* * *

They walked into the house, looked around, and then looked at each other. "Guess we're too late," Olivia said, yawning.

"Well," Elliot said through a yawn of his own, "It is three in the morning. At least we got to talk to them."

Olivia nodded. "Yeah," she said, walking toward the bedroom.

"Hey," he said, grabbing her hand and pulling her back to him, "You, uh, you're still planning to marry me, right?"

Her brow furrowed. "El, baby, of course I am. Why are you…"

"Because you kept flashing that ring, hoping someone would notice," he laughed. "But yet you didn't tell anyone. It was cute. Very…very you."

She smiled at him. "With us, it's…hard. I don't want…"

"I know," he said, kissing her. "I'm teasing you. You had a rough day, we both had a hellish night, I wanted to make you smile and I did that, so we can go to sleep now if…"

His words were cut off with her kiss. "You always make me smile," she whispered, running her fingers up and down his arm. "Even when you don't try. Just thinking about you makes me smile. And I think about you…more than I should, actually."

He brushed his lips over hers and whispered, "You're on my mind, all the fucking time. There's not a single second I'm not thinking about you and the kids, baby." He pressed his lips to hers and moaned softly, wrapped his arms around her and squeezed, then whispered, "Nothing wrong with loving you right, is there?"

She smiled at him and brought her hands up to his face, cupping it gently. "Not at all," she whispered back. "I'm loving you the only way I know how, and I…"

"You love me," he interrupted with another soft kiss, "So, so perfectly." He led her into the bedroom and he kissed her deeply as he shrugged off his jacket. He pulled lightly on her blazer as he nipped at her lips. "So right, Liv."

She moaned and grabbed at his pants, unbuckling his belt and shoving the fabric down. She ran her fingers up, under his shirt, and rubbed his body, feeling his hard body. She moaned again pulling him closer.

He moaned into her mouth, gripping her, holding her against him. "Forget the clothes," he whispered. His hands slid over her body, pulling open the buttons, and once her shirt was off, he worked the rest of her outfit away from her, leaving her naked before him. He smiled at the sight, kissed her again, and pushed her gently toward the bed. "I'll be right back," he said with a kiss.

Olivia watched, naked on the bed, as Elliot gathered their discarded clothes and threw them in the hamper. He took off his shirt, tossing it on the pile, and he walked over to the bed. He turned off the light, then he smiled, climbing in beside her, just as naked. "You're too much," she said with a laugh.

He chuckled, adjusted the covers, and pulled her bare body toward his. He pressed himself to her, wrapped his body around hers, and whispered, "I'm not enough." He brushed her hair back and whispered, "I'm not enough for you, I know that, but you're settling for me, and that means everything to me."

"El, you are all I want," she told him, gazing into his eyes. "You make me feel so loved, so safe. And I know, as long as I'm with you, I have everything in the world." She kissed him. "Don't let Dean do this to you again. Him finding my mother's rapist isn't going to change how I feel."

He sighed and closed his eyes, resting his head against hers and pulling her closer. "It should be me, Liv. Looking for him. Finding him,"

"You tried," she said to him softly. "We both did. Like you said, let someone else deal with the headache. Focus on us."

He smiled, his closed eyes crinkling, and he whispered, "Goodnight, baby."

"Goodnight, El," she whispered, kissing him gently. She fell asleep fast, his warm, strong body covering hers.

Elliot opened his eyes, as soon as he felt her breathing even out. He would wait a few more minutes, then he would make the phone call he'd been dying to make all day.

**A/N: Who does he call? Why? And Kathleen makes another mistake, bringing people together. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: "On a subconscious level, people who are used to being alone make themselves lonely, even when surrounded by others."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.**

"This day just keeps going and going," Olivia complained, flipping through papers in a folder as she leaned against Munch's desk.

Munch hummed in agreement. "Like the Energizer Bunny," he quipped. He looked at Fin and said, "You gonna get to work on that 'Five, or ya gonna keep staring at Elliot's desk?"

Fin shook his head. "What?" he asked, looking up. "Oh, uh, yeah. Almost done. Where is he?"

"Bathroom," Olivia answered curtly.

Fin rolled his eyes and threw his pencil down. "You two are eventually gonna have to get the hell over this, ya know. I'm gonna be the kids stepfather. Like it or not, I am a part of your fuckin' lives, and until you two…"

"Hey!" Elliot yelled, walking back into the bullpen. "Watch how you talk to her!" He shook his head and stepped forward, and he said, "You know, I'm still fucking pissed at both you and Kathy, and out of respect for me, Liv is remaining indifferent to either of you. She answered you. She's talking to you, take it or leave it."

Fin cleared his throat. "Maybe I did overreact."

"Yeah," Elliot said, shaking his head. He looked at Olivia, and he got a little choked up. The phone call he'd just ended, with Dean Porter, had finally solved the greatest mystery of her life, and he would be the one to tell her, hunt the man down, and make him pay. "Liv," he said, flipping a pen in his hand.

She looked up at him, smiled a bit, and said, "No, you can't have my last chocolate bar."

He chuckled. "No, I…wait, you have one?"

She rolled her eyes. "Forget it, Stabler. What do you want?"

Elliot took a breath and said, "Dean, uh, well, I was on the phone with him for a while last night, and he thinks he found…"

"Stabler!" Cragen yelled, coming out of his office, interrupting. "You and Benson need to get to Mount Sinai, now!"

Elliot furrowed his brow. "Really? All the way uptown? That's not our…"

"The one in Queens," Cragen said quickly. "It's not a vic, Elliot. It's your kids. There was an accident…"

"What?" Elliot gasped, his heart stopping as his eyes widened. He grabbed his keys and Olivia's hand, and he ran.

They were just stepping into the elevator when Fin ran in with them, breathless. "I should be there," he said, looking at Elliot. "For Kathy."

Elliot, his cell phone to his ear, scoffed. "Kathy," he said into the phone. "Kathy are you there? Calm down. What happened?" His voice was panicked, cracking. His grip on Olivia's hand was tight and he was shaking. "Oh, my God," he hissed into the phone. He looked at Olivia, searching for her calming eyes. "Are they okay? Did you talk to them? What did Katie day? What do you meant they won't…oh, wow. I'm sorry, I didn't tell her…yeah, we're on the way." He snapped the phone shut and punched the wall; the noise he made was terrifying.

Olivia was shaken up, but she let him be, knowing how he worked. The elevator pinged and the doors opened, and she waited until they made it to the car to ask, "What's going on, El?"

Elliot grunted as he started the car, ignoring Fin who had gotten into the back. "Kathleen…she was driving Dickie to baseball practice, Maureen was in the car, I guess they thought she was old enough to…" He swallowed, hard, and he shook his head and hit the gas.

"El," Olivia said, rubbing his shoulder. "Please?"

He took a breath and said, "She was drunk, Liv. Katie was drunk, she lost control of the car, Maureen couldn't maneuver to help, they crashed into the divider and were hit by another car. The girls…the girls are okay, bumps and bruises, a few broken bones, but Dickie…" he stopped, choking on the words, as tears rolled down his cheeks. "He's not awake yet," he whispered, biting his lip. "The girls are in the ER and they won't let Kathy back there, because Kathleen is swearing up and down that she's not her mother." He looked at her, sniffled, and said, "The girls are asking for me. And for you."

Olivia, shaking herself and trying not to cry, opened the glove compartment and took out the portable, blue light. She slapped it on the dashboard, plugged it into the cigarette lighter, turned it on, and said, "Drive faster."

Elliot let out a hard breath, stepping on the gas and grabbing her hand, and they rode to the hospital in tense silence. Once they'd made it there, Elliot parked crooked, in two spaces, and ran into the building. He left the car running, the door open, and Olivia waiting inside.

"Go," Fin said, looking at Olivia. "I'll straighten the car out. Just go."

Olivia gave him a soft smile, then got out of the car and ran after Elliot. She found him in the lobby of the emergency room, asking a nurse a series of rambling questions. She looped an arm around his waist and tried to talk to him.

"Elliot!" a voice to their right called.

They both turned and Elliot ran, pulling Olivia with him. "Kathy!" he yelled back, meeting her with a desperate hug, sandwiching Olivia between them. He pulled off, letting Olivia breathe, and he kissed her forehead in apology.

She ran a hand down his back, telling him she understood what had just happened, and then she looked at Kathy. "Where are they?"

Kathy sniffled. "Kathleen and Maureen are still in the ER, and Dickie…my God, Elliot, our son is in the operating room." She cupped her mouth and sobbed, and she fell into Olivia. "Internal bleeding," she cried.

Olivia caught her, rubbing her back, and she sighed as her own tears dropped. "He's gonna be fine," she said. "He's a Stabler man, you know how stubborn and pig-headed…"

"Hey!" Elliot chuckled, pulling Kathy off of her gently, and pulling her closer to him. He wrapped his arms around her and tried to breathe evenly. "We need to talk to the girls."

Olivia, in his arms, squeezed him and nodded. "Yeah," she whispered.

"I've got Lizzie with me," Kathy said, pointing toward the nervous and scared teenager, sitting in a chair in the waiting room, weeping softly.

Elliot nodded. "Keep her out her for me, Kathy," he said, taking Olivia toward the wooden doors. He flashed his badge to a doctor, gaining access to the hallway and he was led to the two curtains behind which his daughters were being treated.

Elliot pulled back one curtain, and he looked up at the doctor, a question in his eyes, as they walked. The doctor cleared his throat. "Kathleen has a broken leg, and we had to sedate her. She was getting violent. She'll be out for a while. Maureen has a fractured wrist and a bump on the head, but she's awake. You can talk to her."

Elliot nodded, then he cleared his throat. "Mo? Honey?" he called, moving the fabric.

"Daddy?" Maureen's voice answered. "Dad! Is Liv with you?"

"I'm here, honey," Olivia said, finding the end of the curtain and drawing it back. She nearly fell into the bed wither and cupped her face. "Oh, baby," she cried, brushing Maureen's blonde hair back.

Elliot held in the cry, welling up with emotion at the sight before him. "What happened?"

Maureen choked on a sob and shook her head. "I don't really know. She was fine! She was absolutely fine, Daddy, I wouldn't have let her drive if…"

"Shh, honey, it's okay," Elliot said, taking her bandaged hand. "This is not your fault. Just…you have to tell me and Liv what happened."

"Everything was fine when we started driving, but then she pulled onto the expressway, and Dickie told her we were going the wrong way. She said no, that she was taking us to see Mom, to get some answers. She got really dizzy after that, and she tried to change lanes, to pull over, but she stepped on the gas and we hit the…oh, God! Dickie!"

Olivia wiped her eyes and cupped Maureen's face. "He'll be okay, sweetie, just breathe. I need you to breathe."

An officer in uniform cleared his throat, then, getting their attention. "Detective Stabler, a moment?"

"Yes," Elliot said, nodding and walking over.

"Paul McAllister," the cop said, holding out his said. "From the Two-Seven. I admire you, I really do. I've wanted to work with you for years now, and I hate that we have to meet like this."

Elliot nodded, biting his lip. "Me, too," he said. "How bad is it? What's…" He shook his head. "Is the other driver okay?"

McAllister nodded. "Air bag saved him, but his car's totaled. The accident was caused by your daughter, and it was a definite DWI, so I need to..."

"Jesus," Elliot said, cutting him off and running a hand down his face. "How drunk was she?" he asked, trying to hold it together.

"Your daughter blew point nine-three," the officer interrupted. "Means she was drinking a lot, steadily, for a long time today. Now, I have to ask, since she's a minor. Do you keep liquor in the house?"

Elliot shook his head, still trying to wrap his head around how Kathleen had been so intoxicated. "No, my fiancée's mother was an alcoholic. It killed her. Our boss had a drinking problem, my father was an abusive drunk, we don't…I mean, there's a bottle of cooking sherry in the fridge, but…"

"All right," McAllister interrupted, taking his word for it. "That wouldn't be enough to do this anyway. We need to find out how she got the booze, so when she wakes up I need to question her, and I'll have to arrest…"

"I know," Elliot said, stopping him. "I know you do. I'm gonna be there, right there with her, and she's already got a lawyer."

The cop smiled. "Good, Detective." He shook his hand again and said, "And I will do this with the utmost courtesy and respect, Sir."

Elliot looked over at Maureen, holding Olivia's hand, then his eyes traveled to the sleeping body of Kathleen. "God, this kills me, it does, but…I don't…just do it by the book. I already almost lost my job trying to get my ex-wife and my son out of trouble. I can't…I shouldn't…just…do your job."

"I intend to, Detective." McAllister said. "I have to call this in to my chief. I will be right back."

Elliot watched the cop walk away, then moved over to Kathleen's bedside and sat, taking her hand. "Katie?" he whispered. "Kathleen, honey, open your eyes." Kathleen shifted, but didn't open her eyes. He squeezed her hand harder and whispered, "What the hell did I do to make you so angry?"

Elliot felt a hand on his shoulder, and he didn't need to look up. "What did we do wrong, baby?" he asked her, not looking at her.

"Nothing," Olivia said, her heart half-broken. "El, you didn't do this. Trust me. Once people develop a problem, especially like this, it's no one's fault. She told you she was feeling lonely, and you heard Maureen, she wanted answers from her mother, she still feels lost without her."

"Why aren't we enough?" he asked, tears falling down his cheeks again.

Olivia knelt beside him, wiped away his tears, and said, "Take it from me, El, no matter who is in her life, around her, loving her, a part of her will always feel alone without her mother."

He looked up at her, seeing the tracks of her tears. He sighed, his resolve cracking even more, and he kissed her. "I'm so sorry, baby. I can't…"

"Shh, don't." She held his head to her chest, let him cry for a moment, and she kissed the crown of his head. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he told her, muffled by her body. "So much."

She pulled back and kissed his lips tenderly. "Stay with the girls, I'm gonna go see if they'll tell me anything about Dickie."

He nodded, watched her go, and he looked back at Kathleen. The last thread of his strength snapped, and he bent his head, crying the way he knew he needed to, right into Kathleen's arm.

She knew, then, she couldn't tell him she was awake, because he had always made it a point never to let his kids see him cry. She squeezed her eyes shut, willing herself to go back to sleep, hoping when she finally did wake up, this would all be just a bad dream.

* * *

Olivia walked back behind the curtain, a relieved and calm smile on her face. She'd been watching him for a while, now, and now that she had good news, it was time to get his attention. "El," she whispered, looking at him as he dozed near Kathleen's shoulder. "El," she said a little louder.

Elliot lifted his head, and he sighed at the sight of her. "Liv," he said, smiling at her. He untangled his hand from his daughter's and opened his arms.

She walked into them, hugging him tight, and said, "Your son would like to see you."

"He's awake? He's okay?" He asked the questions in rapid succession, excited and happy.

She nodded. "Yeah, you, uh, fell asleep, so I let you sleep. He's been out of surgery and up for about ten minutes, and he wants his father."

His arms tightened around her again, and he let out a deep breath. "Thank God," he said, almost crying again. "Come with me?"

She nodded, leading him out from behind Kathleen's curtain. They walked into Maureen's, and Elliot halted. He shot Fin a look, as he sat beside Kathy on the chairs. He didn't belong there, he thought. "We're gonna go see Dickie," he said, looking at Kathy.

Kathy nodded. "I'll go when you get back," she said. "Officer McAllister is…"

"I know where he is," Elliot said, looking over at the young cop.

Kathy bit her lip. "Elliot, what are you gonna do for her?" she asked.

Elliot raised an eyebrow. "Kath, there's nothing I can do. You know that. She screwed up, she…"

"Oh, my God, you're gonna let this happen?" Kathy almost yelled. "You worked your magic to get Dickie out of…"

"Dickie wasn't drunk!" he snapped, breaking apart again. "Dickie didn't hurt anyone, Kathy! He was twelve, and he took a squad car out for a joyride around the block! Getting him off for that was reasonable! This is serious!"

Kathy shook her head. "I cannot believe you," she hissed.

Fin squeezed her hand. "Hey, hey," he said, rubbing her belly. "Calm down. You know he's right."

Kathy looked at her fiancée, wide-eyed, but then she sighed. "Yeah, I know," she said, dropping her head into his chest. "I just…I know this is because of me. Because of us. I want him to make it go away because I can't."

"We screwed up, babe," Fin said, holding her. "But so did Katie, and we have to do whatever we can to fix her before it's too late. She needs to face this, and so do we."

Elliot and Fin locked eyes, and they nodded at each other, a silent truce. At least, for the moment. Elliot tugged Olivia away from the curtain, and out of the ER, heading up to Dickie's room. He looked at Olivia as they stepped into the elevator, and he smiled at her, thanking God that he had her, and he didn't have to go through this alone. "I love you," he said to her.

It was out of nowhere, unprovoked, but full of emotion and her heart melted. She sighed and offered him a soft smile. "I love you, too, El." She leaned in to kiss him, and when their lips met, for a brief second, their problems didn't exist.

As they stepped off the elevator, Elliot groaned and rolled his eyes. He had another problem. He had completely forgotten to tell Olivia what he had to tell her, and when they walked into Dickie's room, he knew he'd have to keep it to himself for a little while longer.

**A/N: How is Dickie? Are Kathy, Fin, Olivia, and Elliot on the way to being…frienemies? And what consequences will Kathleen have to face? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: "Misery loves company. The company is usually loneliness."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.**

"Hey, kid," Elliot said, smiling at his son.

"Hey," Dickie said, groggy and raspy. "You came."

Elliot's eyes teared. "Of course I did," he said, sitting next to him on the bed. "As soon as I got the call, me and Liv, we…"

"I know, Dad," Dickie said, trying to smile. "You love me. You both love me." He coughed and groaned, and Olivia held a straw to his lips. He sipped the water, swallowed, and asked, "How are Maureen and Katie?"

Olivia nodded, smiling. "They're fine, honey. Just fine."

"Katie's going to jail, isn't she?" he asked, closing his eyes as his head fell back onto the pillow.

Elliot held in the cry, the sob at the back of his throat. "They're arresting her, but, uh, she's got a lawyer and she might just have to pay a fine, go to a treatment center, do community service. Insurance will cover the damage to the cars."

Dickie shook his head. "No, it's…my fault. She…she wouldn't have been in the car if…"

"No," Olivia said. "Kiddo, this is not your fault. Katie knew she was drinking, she got behind the wheel, she should have known better. You had nothing to do with this."

Dickie coughed again, looking at his father. "I'm sorry, Dad. I'm so sorry."

Elliot felt his eyes watering. "You didn't do anything wrong. I'm sorry. I should have been…better," he choked out.

"No, Dad, you…you're awesome," Dickie said, letting out a small laugh. "I know I give you a hard time, and I blame you for the guys at school not wanting to hang out with me, but I know it's not you. Any kid would have this problem if their dad was a cop." He blinked and coughed again. "I know why you do what you do, and I appreciate it. You're the best Dad, really."

Elliot exhaled a harsh breath. "Oh, kid, you have no idea how much I needed to hear that," he said, resting a hand on Dickie's shoulder. He squeezed it and let out a soft chuckle. "I really needed to hear you say that."

Dickie smiled and said, "Glad I could help." He looked at Olivia and said, "You, too. I don't remember, but the doctor told me I was calling for you and Dad. I don't think Mom's too happy about that."

Olivia smiled at him. "Your mom understands, kiddo. You wanted your father, and you've been staying with us, so she knows you'd be more comfortable with me in this kind of situation."

Dickie took another deep breath, coughing as he exhaled. "Yeah, well, it still probably pissed her off."

Elliot brought his hand to his face, biting his knuckle to keep from crying. "It's okay," he whispered, dropping his hand again.

Olivia looked at him, looked at Dickie, and as she rose off of the corner of the bed she said, "I'll leave you two…"

"No!" both Elliot and Dickie cried at once.

"Please?" Dickie asked pitifully, his eyes drooping. "Don't go."

Olivia's face fell into a sad smile and she sat back down. "All right," she whispered, the emotion threatening to crack through her voice if she spoke any louder.

Elliot grabbed her hand, squeezing it, and looked at his son, trying to smile despite the deep pain he was in. He moved toward her and kissed her temple, knowing he would have to shatter her world sooner or later.

* * *

"How is he?" Kathy asked, standing up as Elliot and Olivia walked back into the emergency room. "Is he all right?"

Elliot nodded. "He's fine," he said. "You can go on up. We'll stay with the girls."

Kathy bit her lip, looked at Elliot, and asked, softly, "Would you mind if…Elliot what I'm trying to ask here is…" she sighed, giving up. "I think Olivia should go home."

Maureen sat up, hearing that. "What? Why?"

"She's not your mother," Kathy said, turning toward her daughter.

"Yeah, well Fin isn't my father! Why the hell is he here?" Maureen asked, scooting up further still.

Kathy scoffed. "I'm marrying him! He's going to be your stepfather!"

"So, Dad's marrying Liv!" Maureen yelled.

Elliot grimaced, Olivia's eyes widened and she pressed her lips together, and Kathy turned toward them, glaring. "Excuse me?" she hissed.

"Yeah, I, uh, asked her to marry me," Elliot said, running a hand down his face. "We weren't gonna tell anyone yet!" he snapped, smirking at his daughter.

Maureen smirked back. "You're welcome, Daddy," she said, flattening back out on the bed.

Kathy shot Olivia a hard look, then pulled Fin toward the hallway to go see Dickie, mumbling under her breath.

"She took that well," a groaning voice said from the next spot over.

"Katie?" Elliot ran toward her, pulling the curtain open and going to her side immediately.

Kathleen tried to hold up her hand, showing her father that she was cuffed to the bed. "I'd rather have gold bracelets."

Elliot's eyes watered and he turned to look at Officer McAllister. "I told you I wanted to be here! I asked you to…"

"She woke up and you weren't around, Detective." The cop took off his cap and bowed his head. "You told me to do this by the book and…"

"You should have called me back down here when she woke up!" Elliot yelled.

"Dad," Kathleen said softly. "Chill. It's cool. He told me you wanted to be here, I told him to do it anyway. Get it over with. He said I had a lawyer? Who?"

Olivia bit her lip, looking at Elliot. He looked back at her and saw her nod, then turned toward Kathleen again. "Trevor Langan," he said. "He used to be a defense attorney for a private firm, he was really good at it. He's a prosecutor for us now, but he's taking your case as a favor to me and your mother." He blinked, shaking his head. "Liv," he said, correcting himself.

"Oh," Kathleen said, looking at Olivia. "Liv…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry! I don't know why I did this. I promised you I wouldn't drink, but I…"

"Shh," Olivia said, a tear falling from her right eye as she watched the teenager break. "Just calm down, honey. You're okay, everyone's okay. Just breathe."

Kathleen nodded, trying to breathe.

Elliot looked at McAllister, then back down at his daughter. "Sweetie, where did you get it? There wasn't any in the house, and I know you don't have…" he paused, then he narrowed his eyes. "Did you take Liv's old ID again?"

Kathleen closed her eyes tight as she sobbed, nodding. "I'm sorry!" she cried.

Elliot knew Olivia would blame herself, and he turned to assure her he didn't blame her, but she wasn't there. There was no sign of her; even her jacket had been taken off of the chair in the corner. "Where…" he looked at McCallister. "Where did she go?"

McAllister, his lips pursed together, simply pointed beyond the curtain. "That way," he said. "But, Detective Stabler, you can't leave."

Elliot's eyes closed, he fell onto the bed beside Kathleen, and he squeezed her hand as he whispered, "You are in so much trouble, young lady. But I love you, and I'm just glad you're okay. We can deal with this."

Kathleen nodded and curled further into Elliot. "I'm sorry," she whispered again, feeling worse now that she was sober, aware of what she'd done.

* * *

It was well past three in the morning when Olivia heard the front door open. She popped up off of the couch, staring at the people walking into the living room. Maureen, her arm in a sling, slipped into the room sadly, followed by a harrowed and exhausted Elliot. Olivia was on her feet in seconds, pulling the girl into her arms and kissing her forehead. She moved to do the same to Elliot, and his grip on her was tighter now than when she collapsed into his arms seven months ago.

"Where'd you go?" he asked, the crying clear in his voice.

Olivia breathed and squeezed him back. "I went to talk to Trevor," she said. "And then I called Cragen and told him we'd need a few days off. El, he asked me how I was. How I was handling…he told me you had to tell me something."

"It can wait," he breathed into her ear. "Please, just drop it, baby. I will tell you, I wall talk to you, but I can't do that right now."

"You found him," she whispered, her nails digging into his back, "Didn't you?"

Elliot pushed her away from him just enough to look into her eyes. "I think so, yeah." He kissed her forehead, then her lips. "We have to get Maureen into bed, make sure she takes her pill, and we have to go down to central booking…Kathleen…"

"Okay," Olivia said, sniffling. She nodded, moving back toward Maureen. She looped an arm around her and guided her to the stairs, helping her up.

Elliot watched them go, and he pulled out his cell phone as soon as he was sure Olivia couldn't hear him. He dialed, brought the phone to his ear, and he waited. "Hey. Sorry to wake you, I…yeah, they're fine. Thanks. Look, I need you to get me a full name and an address. Tomorrow. Yes. I know, I'm doing it for the same reason, and you told me…yeah. And Dean? Thank you." He snapped the phone shut, hoping he would be able to convince Cragen to put him on the clock and the case in the morning.

He needed to get his mind off of his personal problems, and he needed to take out the pent up aggression on someone. Olivia's father was the perfect target.

**A/N: Will we meet the man? Will Kathleen go to jail or will Trevor work his magic and get her off? And Kathy pays Olivia a visit. Next. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212. *6 chapters left? Maybe***


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: "When loneliness is the only option, one embraces it with little resistance."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.**

Olivia had her paperwork half-finished, her pencil in her mouth, watching the clock. Elliot should have been back by now.

She glanced over at Fin, who looked just as nervous. Probably worried about Kathy, who was with Elliot at the courthouse, he gave her a small nod of understanding.

She should be there, with him, she knew that. Cragen, though, couldn't let her go. She was needed, he had said, but for the greater part of the morning, she'd been doing nothing but filling out forms and filing reports. Needed for what, she wondered.

She sighed and turned her nervous energy to the file in her hands, and she signed her name with a swirl. Then she gasped. She reached for the white out and she heard a voice beside her tell her, "Looks good like that, doesn't it?"

She looked up and she offered the smallest of smiles. "It does," she said.

Fin dropped a cup of coffee onto her desk and pulled up the folding chair reserved for witnesses. "I miss you, Baby-Girl."

"I…I just don't get it," she shrugged, sipping the coffee. She made a face and coughed, but sipped again anyway, needing the jolt of caffeine. "Why Kathy, and why when you knew..."

"I already gave you my answer to that," he interrupted. "It's not perfect, and it's not excusable, but it is what it is. I miss you, and I miss him, and I wanna make this right."

She looked down at her hands, wrapped around the warm mug, and she smiled at the sparkling diamond on her finger. "It's right," she said. "If it were up to me…"

"Yeah," he said, knowing what she was going to say. "He's never gonna forgive and forget, no matter what I do." He sipped his own coffee and he gave another sigh. "How do you think it's goin'? Katie's hearing," he asked, studying her face as it fell.

"I should be there," she said. "I need to be…"

"Benson," Cragen snapped, opening his door. "Come here, now."

Olivia gave Fin a worried look, and she got up slowly walking toward his office. "Yeah, Cap?" she asked, wavering slightly as she closed the door behind her.

Cragen looked at her, then he folded his arms. "Munch and Elliot are bringing in…"

"Wait," she said with a screwed up brow, "I thought he was at his daughter's…"

"It ended an hour ago," Cragen said with a firm nod. "He asked to come to work today, you know that. He told you he needed the distraction, and he knew you requested a few days off, but he needed to do something, and you needed to be here when he did it. He's handling the case with Munch, because you've got a conflict." He gave her a look, a look that she read loudly and clearly.

She fell into the chair near the door and her hands went to her head, nervously pulling at her hair. "My father," she whispered, her breath escaping her.

Cragen nodded. "The reason you've been behind the desk all day is because, technically, you're still off today. You're only here because he wanted you here for this, do you understand?"

She nodded. "When did they find him? Who…who found him?"

"Dean," Cragen said. "That's why he needed…"

"He ran my DNA, " she interrupted, "That's what he needed it for."

Cragen nodded, running a hand down his face. The tips of his fingers dug harder into the corners of his mouth on the way down, trying to keep his emotions in check. "Elliot was a part of it," he said. "He wanted to be the one that got him, and Dean…well, he knew how much it meant to you, and to have Elliot be the one that…"

"Dean gave Elliot the collar…for me?" she asked, tilting her head.

Cragen cleared his throat. "He loves you," he said. "He knows he messed everything up, and that you and he should be married by now, but he loves you enough to give you the life you want, even if it's not with him."

She nodded, bit her lip, and her head turned toward the door when she heard footsteps and voices. She recognized Trevor's unmistakable growl as he apologized to someone. And then she heard him.

She rose and walked out into the bullpen, shocked to see Munch holding a man in cuffs as Elliot yelled back at Trevor, tears in his eyes.

"There was nothing I could do, Elliot! She pled guilty!" Trevor barked. "She didn't want…"

Elliot interrupted him, shouting, "I told you to…"

"She was my client, Stabler! I was doing my job!" Trevor yelled back.

"Both of you!" Cragen boomed. "Enough! Elliot, I'm sorry, but you're not above the law and you're family isn't either. Let Trevor sign the damn sheet and I think you have a job to do!"

Elliot nodded, biting the inside of his cheek, and he threw a stapled packet into Trevor's hands. "Here," he seethed. "Sign it."

The entire argument had gone unnoticed by Olivia, her eyes had been focused on the man of whom Munch had control. She was looking into his eyes, seeing her own. She studied his face, seeing herself in him. Her heart pounded and she felt sick.

"Liv," Elliot said suddenly, running to her with wide eyes. "I…I didn't get the chance to tell…"

"What's his name?" she asked, her watering eyes blinking up at him, though aside from the wetness they were emotionless.

He sighed and whispered. "Joseph Hollister," he said.

"Does he know about me?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper, cracking and breaking just like her heart.

He looked at her and his own heart shattered. He nodded. "Yeah," he said, taking a deep breath, feeling his anger fade to heartbreak. "He does. He's always known."

She let her eyes pull away from Elliot and she stared back at the man, who was still staring at her, his own eyes wet with tears. He tried to smile at her, though his current state of restraint was anything but happy.

"Olivia," he said, knowing her name, and that it was her. "My God, Olivia, you're…" He choked on the words, and he shook his head. He took a deep breath and said, "For what it's worth, I'm sorry."

She pressed her lips together, took another deep breath, and she looked up at Elliot. "Cap?" she said, aiming the silent question at Cragen.

The captain heaved a deep sigh and he folded his arms. "Go ahead," he said resignedly.

Olivia clutched Elliot's face, cupping it hard, and pressed her lips to his in what could only be described as a soul-crushing kiss.

He cupped her face gently, and he felt the tears running down her cheeks. He tried to brush them away as she pulled back from him, but she moved too quickly, not saying anything to him as she headed for the door.

He watched her go, and he cleared his throat. "Bring him into the room, Munch," he said, knowing he had to do this for her, hoping she would be all right as he did it. "Fin," he said, snapping his head toward his former friend, "Please?"

Fin nodded at him and walked out to find Olivia. As Elliot turned to head into the interrogation, he felt somehow lighter. He may have just forgiven Fin.

* * *

"Olivia?"

She turned at her name being called, but she turned back with a scoff when she saw who it was. "I really don't need this right now, Kathy. Shouldn't you be in bed? I thought your doctor didn't want you walking around that much."

Kathy stepped toward her, slowly, and she sat on the bench beside her. "I came here to see Elliot, but…I couldn't bring myself to go up there. Not when everyone in that room knows what I did to him."

"But you can sit here and torture me," Olivia chuckled bitterly.

Kathy sighed. "I didn't know you'd be down here," she defended. "Since you are, though, I just wanted to say…that I'm sorry for how I treated you at the hospital." She shook her head and said, "Part of me still resents you. I know I'm the one that ruined my marriage, but you did destroy him when you left. I guess…what really hurts me is that you're also the one that put him back together."

"He's got some pretty amazing super-glue, too," Olivia said, biting her lip and looking up. "He wasn't the only one who broke when I left."

Kathy laughed a bit. "Well, that may be true, but you also…fixed my children. They shouldn't have needed to be fixed. I should have been enough for them. When they were asking for you…when I heard Kathleen tell the doctor I wasn't her mother, I…God, I just wanted to hurt you like that, too."

Olivia finally turned, her red and tearing eyes meeting Kathy's. "Someone already did it for you," she whispered, wiping her cheek.

"Oh, God," Kathy said, stunned. "What happened? Did something happen with you and Elliot?"

Olivia shook her head. "No, he…he's up there…questioning my father."

"Your father…the man who…oh," Kathy sighed, feeling worse. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I don't have any idea what to say, what you must be going through right now."

"No one does," Olivia whispered again, shaking her head. "So…tell me, what happened with Katie? I heard Elliot yelling at Trevor but I…"

"Six months in jail," Kathy said bitterly. "She didn't want Trevor to fight for her. She stood there and she gave the judge this long speech about responsibility and facing her consequences. She talked about you and how righteous you were, how disappointed you would be if she asked to be given a free pass because of her father. Oh, and what she said about her father, how he taught her to be willing to back up her actions."

"Of course, she…she chooses now to listen to us," Olivia said, laughing.

"I know, right?" Kathy said with a small laugh. "Olivia, I don't mean to pry," she began, scooting closer to her, "But what are you doing down here?"

Olivia took a breath. "I needed to get out of there," she said. "I just needed to get away from him, all of them, and…I was gonna go see Katie. I just stopped to…"

"You don't want her to see you cry," Kathy said, nodding. "You always put on such a brave front, and that's the only thing Elliot could never stand about you. You always lead everyone to believe you're fine when you're not, that you're okay when you're not, and you don't have to be so strong all the time."

"Yes, I do," Olivia said, nodding.

"No, you don't," Fin said, walking up to her. "You should never…"

"It's easier that way," Olivia said, turning to him. "What are you doing down here, now?"

Fin folded his arms. "You ran outta there like a bat outta hell, Elliot was worried, sent me out after you. You run too damned fast."

"You're supposed to run fast when you don't want anyone to catch you." Olivia sighed and got off of the bench. "I should go see if Katie…"

"I'll go with you," Kathy said, standing. "It might…well, if she sees us together, not fighting, maybe she…"

"All right," Olivia said, sniffling. She wiped her eyes again and said, "You can tell him I'm okay, Fin. Thanks." She smiled at him.

Fin watched her leave with Kathy, and he sighed as he turned to head back up to the squad room. He smiled and laughed, a relieved chuckle, as he slipped back into the elevator. He was on his way to having his friends back, and suddenly he felt a little less lonely. His eyes dropped, though, as he was hit with the guilt that came along with what he'd done to Elliot, and the worry that would eat away at him whenever he thought about the baby he and Kathy were having.

Maybe loneliness wasn't really behind him yet, after all.

**A/N: Kathleen's visit with Kathy and Olivia, Joseph's interrogation, and Olivia and Elliot spend some time alone. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212 **


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: "The only true cure for loneliness is spending time alone. Love yourself, and others will love you more." **

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters are owned by Dick Wolf. Story belongs to TStabler©**

Kathleen walked through the glass doors, led by a guard, and she sat at the table across from the woman who hadn't been a mother in years and the woman who was slowly becoming one. "You two...you're...not killing each other."

Olivia chuckled. "No, we aren't," she said. "I don't think I've ever really wanted to kill your mother."

Kathleen scoffed. "She really wanted to kill you," she said. "Still does."

"I do not," Kathy defended. "We're getting along now. I promise."

Kathleen shook her head and sighed. "Don't pretend to for my sake," she said, folding her arms. "Just tell me why you're here."

"I wanted to see you," Olivia said, reaching for the blonde's hand. "Why didn't you let Trevor..."

"Look, Liv, don't, okay?" Kathleen gave her hand a squeeze. "I needed to do this, ya know? In here, I'll get help. They're putting me in a program for teens with addiction problems, and I'll be out of your hair for a while so I can figure out why I did this, because the bottom line is that I did do this. Me. I'm responsible. I almost killed..." she stopped, she looked up. "How's Dickie?"

Kathy took a breath and cleared her throat. "He's okay. He'll be going home soon."

"Good," Kathleen said with a nod. "Dad...Dad must hate me," she said rolling her eyes. "I always was the disappointment."

"What?" Olivia spat. "Honey, you are not..."

"Come on, Liv!" Kathleen yelled. "Maureen's the first born, Dickie's the only boy, Lizzie's the little genius, and I'm the one who's always in the way, always in trouble."

"That's not true!" Kathy cried, reaching for Kathleen's other hand.

Kathleen pulled away from her mother, at the same time squeezing Olivia's hand even harder. "You didn't even want me!" she snapped at her mother. "I know you didn't."

"Oh, honey, we wanted you," Kathy said, trying to smile at her daughter.

"Dad did," Kathleen said. "You didn't. You didn't want any of us! If you did, you would have been there for dad when Liv left, you would have made things better for him instead of jumping into bed with his best friend! You left us, Mom." She sniffled and said, "Mothers who want their children don't leave them."

Kathy looked at her daughter, the tears dropping down her cheeks. "I want you," she said softly. "I just knew that what your father and I had...honey, we were both so lonely. He was there, but his heart...his heart was..."

"With Liv," Kathleen whispered, nodding. "Yeah, it was." She looked up at Olivia, who had large tears in her own eyes, and she said, "It is."

Olivia nodded and whispered, "Yeah, it is." She reached out her other hand and wiped Kathleen's tears, and she said, "But your mother still loves you. Very much."

Kathleen looked toward Kathy, saw her mother nod, and whispered, "I know. I know, and I'm sorry, I..."

"Honey, no matter what happens, I will always love you," Kathy said. "I am so sorry I gave you any reason to think I..." she stopped, trying not to cry.

Olivia looked at them and she rose, moving to kiss Kathleen on the forehead. "Your father will be here after work," she said softly.

"You're leaving?" Kathleen asked, sounding sad.

Olivia nodded, letting go of the teen's hand. "You and your mother should talk. Alone." She brushed her hair back and said, "I love you, Katie."

"I love you, too, Liv," Kathleen whispered, on the verge of tears again. She watched Olivia nod once at Kathy and then nod at the guard, who opened the door to let her out. She took a deep breath and looked at her mother, the root of her loneliness, and she folded her arms. She had absolutely nothing to say.

* * *

Elliot ran a hand down his face as he paced around the metal table. "Is that it?" he asked, huffing. "That's thirty-four years of victims, you just rattled off ten names, that's not..."

"I didn't do it for the thrill, Detective," Hollister said, interrupting. "I was sick. And the girls...they weren't random." He bit his lip and shook his head. "They were chosen, watched, I grew to love them before I..." he chuckled. "Look at the files, Detective Stabler. There's something you missed. Olivia wouldn't have missed it. Why isn't she in here?"

Munch scoffed. "You know she's not allowed in..."

"Munch," Elliot interjected, the file in his hands open. "Man, this is..." he paused and looked at Hollister. "You followed them for months, you knew their routines, you only hit them once, and all ten of them..."

"You don't pick the mother of your children randomly, Elliot," Hollister said, cutting him off. "At least, I didn't. They were all smart, beautiful, moral women. I knew they...well, I thought they would be good mothers. Serena...if I would have known how she'd handle it..." He lifted his eyes to Elliot's. "You have to believe me when I tell you I never wanted her in a situation like that. I thought she'd be loved, cared for. When I found out she was hurting Olivia I went back and..."

"What?" Elliot asked, narrowing his eyes. He grabbed Serena Benson's file and flipped through it, finding a statement taken when Olivia was six years old. He scanned the form and saw the name at the bottom, and he chuckled bitterly.

"What?" Munch asked.

Elliot threw him the file and said, "Get everything in writing, I have to talk to Cragen." He walked out of the interrogation room and instead of meeting Cragen in the pit, he met Olivia. He turned sharply to the wall, and he sighed when he noticed the monitor was on. "You heard," he whispered.

She nodded. "I've got brothers and sisters out there somewhere, don't I?"

He nodded, stepping toward her. "You heard him, Liv, he cared about you. It doesn't excuse what he did, but he was sick. He still is. We've got him during a rare moment of lucidity, here."

"He went to see my mother, because he knew she was hitting me," she said, sounding confused. "That only made it worse." She closed her eyes, folding her arms over herself, and she said, "So much worse."

He was wrapped around her in seconds, his lips pressed to the back of her head, and he whispered, "No one is ever gonna hurt you again, baby."

"Why do you need to see Cragen?" she asked, leaning back into him, finding comfort when she needed it the most. She sighed, realizing that it always seemed to be Elliot, there when she needed him.

"Because he's the one who took your mother's statement," he told her, running his hands along her arms. "He filed her claim, but his notes suggested that it was just a nightmare or hallucination, since she came in drunk. No one took her seriously, and he just...he let her leave with you."

She turned in his arms and looked up at him, tilting her head.

"You were there, Liv. You were sitting in the chair next to your mother, he saw how drunk she was, and he just..."

"What was I supposed to do?" Cragen asked, coming in from the bullpen. "I couldn't book her on anything, and she was her daughter."

Elliot turned, pointing at him. "You could have done something! She told you Hollister went back and you knew damn well she wasn't lying! Shit, we could have had his ass years ago!"

"You don't think I know?" Cragen yelled. "You don't think I've felt guilty every day of my life since Benson walked in here to volunteer for the unit?" He threw a hand toward the mirrored glass and said, "Why the hell do you think I helped Porter with this? I wanted him just as much as you did, Elliot!"

Elliot gritted his teeth and yelled, "You could have had him..."

"Hey!" Olivia yelled, the only emotion in her eyes was anger as she looked at the two men. "Stop it! If anyone wanted the son of a bitch caught, it was me! You caught him! Why are you fighting about the past? Nothing anyone says or does is gonna change a damned thing, so just get in there and book the bastard!"

Elliot looked at her, his face fell, and he sighed. He moved back toward the interrogation room, but he stopped. "That's why," he said, turning to Cragen. "That's why you're not doing anything about us, isn't it? You feel guilty for not getting him before it was too late, you feel like it's your fault that her mother kept drinking and fell down those steps, so you don't..."

"Just go in there, do your job," Cragen barked, shaking his head. "Don't question why you're not in trouble, or you will be."

"Is that a threat, Captain?" Elliot asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Damn it, Elliot!" Olivia shouted. "Please, just go in there and..." she choked on her words, shaking her head.

Elliot moved to her, pressing his lips to hers firmly. "I'm sorry," he whispered. He brushed her tears away and whispered, "Go home. I'll finish up here, I'll go see Katie, pick up Dickie, and I'll meet you home."

She looked into his eyes, she bit her lip, and she nodded. "Thank you for this, El," she whispered to him, pulling out of his soft hold.

"Liv," he called to her, making her turn just as she'd reached Cragen, "I would do anything for you."

She gave him a soft smile and pushed passed Cragen to leave.

Cragen, then, looked at Elliot sternly. "Now that is why I haven't done anything about the two of you," he said, pointing to him. "You need each other." He glared at Elliot for a moment before turning back to the bullpen.

Elliot took a breath and walked back into the room with Munch and Hollister, finally getting Olivia justice for her mother.

* * *

The door opened slowly, Dickie walked into the living room quietly when he noticed Olivia sleeping on the couch. He nodded toward his father and headed into the guest room, knowing he couldn't climb the stairs.

Elliot nodded back at him, then stepped over to the couch. He knelt beside her, pulling the book out of her hands, and he gently nuzzled her nose with his. "Hey," he whispered, seeing her eyes flutter.

She moaned and rolled, mumbling something under her breath that sounded like, "No, I want Elliot."

He laughed and said, "I am Elliot." He kissed her neck, sucking a bit, and when she mumbled his name again he knew she was dreaming about him. "Baby, come on," he whispered. "Wake up."

She moaned as he left a small mark on her neck, and she finally rolled over and opened her eyes. "When did you...how long have..."

"Relax," he chuckled. "We just got home. Dickie went to bed. Poor kid's like a giant bruise, but he's excited about the scar he's gonna have," he said with a shake of his head. "He told me in the car that we're more alike now because he has a battle wound, just like me."

Olivia's hand shot to his chest, her fingers outlining a long scar she knew hid beneath his fabric. "God, when I think about how I almost lost..."

"Don't," he whispered, taking her hand. "Don't think about it, just get off the couch, come to bed with me, and tell me what you were dreaming about because it sounded fucking wonderful." He chuckled and kissed her as she rose from the sofa.

She laughed as he kissed her, she moved with him toward their room, and she said, "I was dreaming...of wearing that dress...and of you taking it off of me."

He chuckled and said, "That's not a dream, baby, that's a glimpse into the future."

She sighed contentedly in his arms and said, "When?"

"Whenever you want," he said. "I was waiting for you."

"I was waiting for you," she laughed, shaking her head. "We'll pick a date then," she said with a shrug. She moved away from him and pulled her shirt over her head, asking, "What's the story with Hollister?"

"Well," Elliot said as he cleared his throat. "He's in holding, arraignment's in the morning," he said, stripping down. He slipped under the covers and flicked off the light, and he pulled her into his arms. "Trial should be scheduled then."

She looked through the dark into his eyes. "Thank you," she said softly. "I know I already..."

"You don't have to thank me," he told her, shaking his head. He pulled her closer and said, "And you don't have to thank Porter, either. We both did this for the same reason. He owed this to you, and I needed to be the one that..."

"You are," she whispered. "El, you will always be the one that saves me, you know that. As long as I've got you, I've got everything."

He kissed her, silently telling her he agreed. Through everything that had happened, she was the only think keeping him from being totally alone, and he needed to give her the same gift. He linked his fingers through hers, and he thumbed over her ring, whispering, "Marry me."

"I already told you I..."

"I never really asked," he interrupted. "Liv, I promise you, you will never be lonely, never be in danger, never be hurt...not because of me. For the rest of your life, I promise you, I'll be there. Marry me," he said, kissing her.

She gave his hand a squeeze and deepened the kiss, rolling slightly on top of him. The last nine months played in her mind, how she's gone from being totally alone to having a family, having him in every way she'd ever wanted, and she knew she would rather die than give it all up. "The answer's still yes," she said, laughing as he pulled her all the way over him, intertwining his legs with hers.

"I love you," he whispered, looking up at her. The moonlight wasn't bright enough to illuminate her, but enough to let him see she was smiling.

She kissed him softly and said, "I love you, too." She held him as he kissed her, loved her, and made his promise over again.

Someone, on the other side of town, was about to make the same promise to someone else, and it would change everything.

**A/N: Who? What? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212 Sorry for the lack of updates. I've got an awful sinus infection and it's completely knocked me out. **


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: "Somewhere there's someone who dreams of your smile, and finds in your presence that life is worth while. So when you are lonely, remember it's true: Somebody, somewhere is thinking of you."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story belongs to TStabler©**

The phone rang at four-thirty-seven. He knew because he looked at the clock twice, pissed off, as he reached for it. "Stabler," he grumbled. "Fin, what are you talk...oh." His eyes popped open and he shouted, "Oh!"

Olivia rolled awake and blinked up at him. "What happened?"

"Kathy's having the baby," Elliot said, hanging up the phone quickly and getting out of the bed. "Fin said she wants the kids there, and I..." he looked at her with sad eyes. "I know you don't..."

She was already halfway out of the bed. "Go wake them up, I'll get ready."

He smiled at her, loving her more, and he pecked her quickly on the lips before leaving the room to rouse his kids.

Olivia watched him go, and she sighed. She had no idea how Elliot would react to his ex-wife, whom she wasn't sure he was entirely over, having his best friend's child. She walked over to the closet, looking into it, sighing when she saw the garment bag. She reached out to touch it, but something stopped her, and she reached instead for two suits, knowing they'd have to go to work right from the hospital.

She laid Elliot's suit out on the bed and started getting dressed, and she felt his eyes on her. She looked over her shoulder. "Take a picture, it'll last longer."

He chuckled. "I have a thousand pictures of you, baby," he said, walking to her. "Nothing comes close to the real thing." He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the back of her neck.

"Get dressed," she said, shrugging him off of her.

He furrowed his brow. "What...is something wrong?"

She smiled at him as she pulled on her blazer. "No, not at all," she said, shaking her head. "We just don't have a lot of time. This is her fifth kid, El, that sucker is gonna come flying..."

He stopped her with a rolling hand gesture. "Okay, and the truth would be...?"

She rolled her eyes and pulled her gun and badge out of the sidetable drawer. "We should just go, El." She walked past him and out of the bedroom, hurrying the kids along, leaving him to dress alone, confused.

* * *

The group walked through the doors of the maternity ward of the hospital, all chattering excitedly. Dickie, on crutches, hobbled into a chair and put his leg, in it's decorated cast, on the edge of the coffee table. Maureen, her good arm flailing around excitedly, sat beside him, and Lizzie sat next to her.

Olivia sighed, missing Kathleen, and turned to Elliot. "You think they're gonna be this excited when we have a baby?"

Elliot raised his eyebrows. "They're not excited about this. Trust me. They're taking bets on how long it'll be before Kathy leaves Fin."

She scoffed. "Optimistic bunch of kids you got there," she said.

"Realistic," he said, folding his arms. "They know that we're more stable, though. I've actually heard them planning our wedding, and Dickie requests pizza at the reception."

She laughed. "I think we can do that."

He made a face and shook his head. "No, baby," he said. "I want prime rib, lobster tails, and one of those potatoes that's all swirled with the cheese and garlic..."

"Do I look like Ivana Trump to you?" she asked with a chuckle.

He laughed and took her hand. "With you, I want everything. I want people to know that we spared no expense, that it's a serious thing." He brought his other hand to her head and brushed her hair back. "Now, you wanna tell me what happened to you this morning?"

She let out a slow breath. "Panic," she said with a nonchalant shrug. "I thought, ya know, we'd get down here and you'd look at the baby, and you'd..."

"You thought I'd...what, start missing Kathy and hating Fin all over again?" he asked, narrow eyed. "August twenty-third," he said, his voice firm.

She raised an eyebrow. "What's that?"

"When we're getting married," he told her with a nod. "August twenty-third. There, we set a date, you wanna take me seriously now?"

She closed her eyes and sighed again. "I took you seriously, El, I just...I don't know what's going through your head. Marriages like yours and Kathy's, they take people years to..."

"People who don't move on," he interrupted. "People who let themselves stew in their loneliness, or don't have someone there to help them get through it." He let go of her hand and cupped her face gently, kissing her softly. "I did. I had you. I love you, and yes, watching this happen hurts, but not because I'm still in love with her or because I wish it was me. It's always gonna sting, knowing this happened when it did."

She dropped her forehead to his, nuzzled his nose, and nodded. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I was..."

"Scared," he said, understanding. "Same feeling I get every time someone mentions Dean around you. That's another reason I wanted to bring in Hollister." He kissed her softly. "I didn't want him using it to get back into your life."

She laughed softly and kissed him tenderly. "We're a couple of nuts, aren't we? Too wrapped up in each other to realize how wrapped up we are."

He chuckled and pulled her closer, wrapping his arms fully around her, and he sighed. "I love you."

"I love you," she said to him, her voice right in his ear.

He shivered against her and said, "You just gave me chills." He laughed and kissed her neck.

"You give me chills everyday," she whispered to him. She pulled back from his tight hug to look into his eyes. "Every single day."

He smiled at her, kissed her, and felt something hit his head. He turned, his face in a confused expression, and looked at his kids.

Dickie, holding up another rolled up piece of paper, said, "I was aiming for your mouth." He waved the ball and said, "Can you stop that, please? You're lucky we're in a hospital. I haven't even eaten anything and you're making me nauseous."

Elliot and Olivia laughed, both folding their arms and raising an eyebrow.

Dickie dropped the crumpled ball. "That's creepy. Don't...don't do that."

"This is how we nail the bad guys, kid," Elliot said, walking over to an empty seat. "We do random simultaneous things, and scare a confession out of them."

Olivia sat beside him and took his hand, squeezing it. The family waited, eager to see Fin or a doctor, someone that would tell them what was happening.

It was only a few moments later when Fin came out into the waiting room. "Hey!" he called cheerfully. "Hey! Guys, you wanna come meet your sister?"

The kids looked from him to Olivia and Elliot, who both nodded. The kids sighed, not happy, but not exaclty upset, and they moved toward the opened door. Olivia and Elliot stood up, turning as the kids walked over to Fin.

"Thanks for bringin' 'em," Fin said, smiling brightly. "It means a lot to Kathy. To, uh, to me."

Elliot nodded, scraping his teeth over his bottom lip. "Yeah," he said. "Congratulations, man. You, uh, you take care of them, huh? Both of them."

Fin met the slight threat in Elliot's eyes. "You got it, Stabler."

Elliot nodded at him, looked at his watch, then said, "You'll make sure the kids get to school, right? They've got about forty-five minutes."

"Yeah," Fin said with a smile. "You goin' to work? You sure you don't wanna come in and see..."

"Just send her our love," Elliot said, chuckling with a hint of bitterness.

"We'll tell Cragen where you are," Olivia said, smiling at him. "Really, congratulations, Fin."

Fin sighed and let out a laugh of his own. "Thanks, guys." He waved at them and turned, letting the doors close behind him.

"You all right?" Olivia asked, raising an eyebrow at Elliot as they walked toward the elevator.

Elliot nodded. "Yeah," he said, wrapping a hand around her waist, watching the doors slide closed. "I didn't wanna go in there, because I know Kathy. I know I would just make her feel guilty when she should be happy. Despite everything, I wanna give her this, ya know?" He walked out, guiding her with him, toward the hospital doors.

She stopped when they made it outside, tugging on his arm to stop him. He turned, looking at her with confusion in his eyes. She pulled him closer to her and kissed him, long and slow. "I love you," she whispered.

He narrowed his eyes and smirked. "What did I do?"

She chuckled. "You were just...you." She caressed the side of his face as she kissed him again, moaning softly. "That's all."

"Well, uh, if you're gonna keep kissing me like this, I'll try to be myself more often," he joked, smirking against her lips.

She laughed and nipped at his lip, saying, "That's all I ask, El."

He sighed, pulling away from her, keeping their hands linked as they headed out of the hospital. He looked over his shoulder, at her, and then at the hospital behind her. He was sure, now, that she would never leave him lonely.

She'd already been there through the worst experiences of his life, and she stayed with him. He smiled, realizing that she would be there for the best, too. He looked at her with the warmest smile he could form, and said, "I love you, too." He had to find a way to show her how much.

**A/N: August? Too far away? Maybe. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N: "Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for." Dag Hammarskjold **

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. Tstabler © own this story.**

Cragen watched them as they worked. Something was off. Something was different. They weren't as playful with each other as they normally would be, they weren't as cooperative with each other as they usually were. He was afraid of this, and he needed to stop it. Now.

He walked over to Elliot, tapped him on the shoulder, and waved fingers at him telling him to follow him into the office.

Once inside, Cragen closed the door and turned on Elliot. "You dented the Ferrari."

"What?" Elliot asked, confused. "What are you..."

"You and Benson have been at each others throats all day," Cragen interrupted. "Now you're not even looking at each other. That can only mean..."

"This is a rough case!" Elliot snapped. "We have different ideas about what went down, we don't agree, we're each blaming different people here," he said, his arms folded. "It has nothing to do with what's going on with us at home, Cap. We don't bring that in here. You asked us not to!"

Cragen sighed, running his hand down his face. "I don't know what to do with the two of you anymore. I didn't think you'd be able to separate..."

"Wait," Elliot said, shaking his head. "We can keep our jobs and our love-life separate, but you can't? Is that what you're telling me?"

Cragen sighed, closed his eyes, and nodded. "I guess I...I need to know things are okay. I see you fight now, I'm gonna think the worst."

Elliot scoffed. "So, what, you want me to go out there and kiss her and apologize? That's not..."

"I want to know, right now, that nothing is wrong with you. You're taking a big enough risk as it is, if this is just you two having a professional disagreement...then what's gonna happen if you..."

"I asked her to marry me," Elliot said, blinking. "That's about as..."

"You were married to Kathy," Cragen interrupted with a snap. "Look where that got you."

Elliot jerked back a bit. "Wow," he said softly. "You...you just went there. In case you forgot, she's the one who betrayed me, not the other way around. I fought like hell for her!" he yelled. "And Olivia is not Kathy! We are completely different! She gets me! She doesn't..."

"Damn it, Elliot, I can't worry about when you're gonna walk out her, or when she's gonna take off, and I can't have my best team hating each other because someone burnt dinner or shrunk the laundry!"

"I told you, that's not gonna happen!" Elliot yelled, louder than he planned.

"Hey!" It was Olivia's voice, snapping at them from the now open door. "If you two are gonna fight about my relationship, then I should probably be a part of it!" She took a step closer to them, looking Cragen in the eyes. "I'm a little moody today, Captain, but it has nothing to do with me and Elliot. The man who raped my mother is now in jail, where he belongs. I found out I have family out there, a brother right here in the city, and they don't know anything about any of this. My daughter is in a jail cell, beating herself up because she made a mistake. I've got two kids at home, injured and pissed off."

Cragen narrowed his eyes. "Olivia, I thought..."

"But," she interjected, "None of that is on my mind right now. None of that is getting to me. Do you know why? Because I'm dealing with this case. El and I have this son of a bitch who's going after eight year olds, taking away their innocence, and their lives. Elliot thinks the parents fucking gave the girls to him! Mothers and fathers sold their children to this bastard, that's what he tells me, and you think that the only thing that could possibly be bothering me is that maybe me and my boyfriend aren't happy?"

Cragen and Elliot were staring at her, for very different reasons. The aging captain cleared his throat and mumbled an apology, then looked at Elliot. "I guess you got a lot on your plate, too, huh?"

"Considering my ex-wife just gave birth to my ex-best friend's daughter," Elliot mused sarcastically, "I'd say I've got a few reasons to hate the world right now. Liv's about the only good thing I got going for me." He shrugged and said, "No one gets that. Ya know? I was a wreck, even before...without her I...I would die before I hurt her."

Feeling a bit foolish, and calmer now that everything was all right with them, he blinked. "I just thought...maybe since Dean was..."

"You thought I'd run back to Dean? After everything he..." Olivia stopped and shook her head. "No."

Cragen bit his lip. "Okay," he said, nodding. "Just, uh, go out there and...um...do what you do. Find this piece of shit."

Elliot nodded, resting his hand on the small of Olivia's back, the most intimate gesture they share at work. "Come on," he whispered to her, giving her a small smile.

Out in the bullpen, he leaned closer to her, letting his lips brush the skin of her neck. "You called Katie your daughter. You said you had kids at home..."

"Yeah," she whispered, cutting him off, the chills running down her body at his light touches. "I guess I did."

He chuckled. "I know you did." He picked up a file on his desk as he backed away from her, and he looked at it with a sigh. "I'm sorry. You're right, it sucks to think that parents could do this to..."

"No, El, you have every right to think they're involved," she said, moving to her own desk. "It's the only thing that makes sense. They aren't connected any other way, and the families all came into some money as soon as the girls went missing."

He sighed and rubbed his eyes and said, "Maybe we're missing something else. Maybe it's all just..."

"There's no such thing as a coincidence," she interrupted, smirking. "Ya know, my partner tells me that all the time."

He smiled at her, sighed again, and moved toward the coffee pot. "Hey, Munch, why don't you come with us? We could probably use the extra hands. It'll give you something to do besides Fin's paperwork."

Munch looked at him and tapped his pencil on his knee. "Thanks, but you guys go. Get out of here, get some air. I'll be okay with...with..."

"Frank," Olivia said, smirking, referring to the night shift detective assigned to be Fin's temporary replacement.

"Yeah," Munch said, nodding.

Elliot downed his coffee and nodded back at him, then grabbed his keys. "We have a stop to make first," he said to Olivia on their way out.

She knew exactly where they were going.

* * *

He was biting his lip and tapping his foot, waiting in the glass room. He kept looking at Olivia, wondering what was taking so long, and he shook his head, hating the whole situation.

She ran a hand through her hair and folded his arms. "El, please, calm down. She can't see you all worked up like this."

He took a breath and nodded, then he turned, hearing the door open. Two guards stood there with his daughter, her bright orange jumpsuit offsetting her pale skin and blonde hair. "Hi, sweetheart," he whispered, emotion breaking through as he walked to Kathleen and hugged her tight.

The teen's arms wrapped around him, her eyes closing. "I thought...I didn't think you'd come. I was watching the news. They let us watch the news, ya know. Your case is...it's all over the place."

Elliot nodded and smiled at her. "No matter what, honey, we're always gonna come for you."

Olivia nodded with a smile. "How...are you okay? I mean..."

"It's lonely," Kathleen said with a sigh, "But they're being very nice to me. I have meetings, there's this therapist here who's been great. I'm not in a ward with any really vicious people. What I did was...unforgivable, but an accident."

"We know it was," Elliot said, brushing his daughter's hair back, "And we do forgive you."

"It isn't about that," Kathleen sighed. "I have to forgive myself." She looked up at her father and said, "I have to forgive Mom. Holding this grudge against her isn't gonna change anything that happened. We're never gonna be the way we were before...well, I guess we haven't been happy since before Liv."

Elliot looked at Olivia, who looked slightly hurt.

"I didn't mean..." Kathleen paused, moving to Olivia to give her a hug. "I meant with my mother, Liv. When you came along, Dad and Mom had a reason to fight, a real threat to try to avoid. Honestly, I'm glad things worked out the way they did. You and my dad...you belong together."

Olivia kissed Kathleen's forehead. "I love you, sweetheart, I really do."

"I love you, too, Liv," Kathleen said with a smile. "Tell Dickie...tell him I'm sorry. I understand why he doesn't want to see me."

Elliot gave his daughter another hug and said, "He loves you, too, honey. He does. So do your sisters. You're not...you're not alone, sweetheart."

Kathleen kissed her father's cheek. She smiled at him and said, "You should get back to work. Thanks for coming." She turned to smile and wave at Olivia, and said, "I love you both."

Elliot took a deep breath as he watched his daughter being escorted out of the room. He looked back at Olivia, held out a hand, and blinked away a tear when she dropped her hand into his. "I love you," he said, giving her a small smile.

She moved toward him and kissed him softly. "I love you, too," she said. "But we have to get back to..."

"I know," he said, nodding. He took another breath, letting go of her hand, and said, "Let's go talk to the parents." He walked out, Olivia followed, and before they were out of the jailhouse altogether, he turned to her and said, "By the way, I was thinking...we could probably plan things faster. Move the wedding up."

She furrowed her brow and tilted her head. "What? When did you..."

"May fourth," he said, holding the door open for her. "Katie will be home, then, and it's not that..."

"Six months?" she asked, interrupting him. She smiled, moving close to him, and she whispered, "May fourth. Sounds perfect."

**A/N: The case comes to a close, Elliot comes to a conclusion, and Cragen makes a decision. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: "Loneliness is a man-made emotion. That means it's man's job to destroy it." Please forgive the lateness in updating, as there were log-in and update problems with the site. Hopefully, it's working now, and you can read on!**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.**

Olivia, half-asleep in her chair, shook her head and popped her eyes open in an effort to stay awake long enough to read through and sign her final report on what she considered the case from hell.

Elliot watched her eyes close, then pop open, then close again, and he felt so relieved that he'd be able to take her home soon. "Liv, wake up and sign that thing, huh?" he teased with a smirk.

She looked at him with a sleepy glare, picked up her pen, and scrawled her name on the last page of the report. "Happy?" she spat, tossing the file onto her desk, then throwing the pen on top of it.

Elliot laughed and said, "Yes, actually." He got out of his chair, reached over his desk for his keys, then held a hand out to Olivia. "Four days, I think that merits s two off, right?"

She scoffed, taking his hand. "We only got one after that week-long…"

"Take two," Cragen said, yawning as he stepped out of his office. "This case was tough on both of you, and your kids…" he paused, realizing both how natural and painful saying that really was, and he shook his head. "Your kids need you."

Elliot looked up at Cragen, tilting his head. "Thanks, Cap," he said with a nod.

Cragen nodded back with a small smile. He walked out of the squad room, sticking to his decision to ease up on Elliot and trust that he'd be good to Olivia.

Olivia, her hand still in Elliot's, looked after the door with a curious expression. "That was weird," she said, stifling a yawn.

"Maybe he just came to the same conclusion that I have," he said, pulling her toward the door.

"And what's that?" she asked, trudging toward the elevator. She slapped the button and rubbed her eyes, dropping her head to Elliot's shoulder. She stepped blindly into the lift, keeping her eyes closed as he pulled her closer and held her.

He kissed her forehead and whispered, "That what we have, baby, isn't temporary. This is forever." He kissed her head again and said, "I'm gonna love you forever." He waited for a response, but didn't get one. "Honey?"

He looked down to see her, smirking, sound asleep on his shoulder. He chuckled and kissed her forehead again, bending a bit to lift her into his arms. He carried her out of the elevator, out of the building, and into the car, hoping whatever she was dreaming about was making her happy. That's the way he wanted her for the rest of her life: happy. He was prepared, now more than ever, to fight anyone who stood in the way of that.

* * *

She woke up, naked and in her bed, and she looked around, confused. "El?"

He walked out of the bathroom, a flushing noise following through the door. "Right here, baby."

"What time is it?" she asked. "How did…"

"It's almost eleven. You fell asleep in the elevator," he interrupted, sliding back under the covers. "I just didn't have the heart to wake you up. Carried you out, then up into the house, and when I tried to change you, you kicked me so…" he shrugged. "You look much better naked anyway," he laughed, pulling her into him.

She rolled her eyes, snuggling into him. "That was sweet of you," she mumbled, resting her head on his chest. Her hand splayed over his body, trailing over his muscles. She moaned a bit, feeling the tension and definition under her fingers. It reminded her just how much he turned her on, how much she wanted him, from the moment her eyes landed on his body.

"You woke up in a mood," he groaned, shifting his weight as he felt her hands move over his body. "A very good mood."

She moaned and kissed his neck, slipping her hand down his body, skimming over his thighs. "I had a really weird dream."

He moaned and moved again, trying to get her hand closer to his growing erection. "About what?" he asked, kissing her.

She kissed him back, her hand finally reaching and stroking his stiffness. "You. I was watching you, trying to talk to you, trying to be with you, but you were ignoring me."

"I could never ignore you," he said, breathless as he tried to stop a moan. He thrust his hips, making her hand work faster. "Never."

She chuckled, moving over him. "I told you it was weird," she said. She dropped her head to his and grabbed his hands, placing them both on her hips. "What were you saying? Before. About forever?"

He smiled, grabbing her tightly and moving into position. He thrust slowly, easing into heart, and he said, "You heard me."

She moaned and moved her head a bit, nuzzling him. "Tell me again," she whispered.

He grunted softly and pulled out of her slowly, then hit into her hard. "You and me," he told her. "Forever." He slid one hand up her body, caressing her, and he grabbed her left hand. He ran the pad of his thumb over the ring on her finger, and he kissed her, trying to prove his point by making everything about this encounter deep and soulful.

She returned his kiss eagerly, almost demanding more from him. She clutched his hand as she moved over him, trying to prove that she felt the same way he did. Her phone, ringing obnoxiously, interrupted the blissful moment they were sharing.

"Fuck," he spat, not stopping his thrusts as he watched her moving to answer her phone. "We're supposed to have the next two days off."

"It's not Cragen," she moaned, rolling her hips in reaction to what he was doing to her. "El, baby, God, stop. It's Fin."

He scoffed and moved faster. "What the hell does he want?" he asked, pulling her hand to his face, kissing her knuckles.

She shook her head, biting her lip. She was torn between answering the phone and ignoring the call to finish what she'd started with Elliot. She had the ringing phone clutched in one hand and Elliot's hand gripped in the other as she began clenching, tightening, and shaking. "El, God," she whispered, breathing hard.

"Baby," he moaned, squeezing her hand and moving harder to get through her tightened body. He pulled her back down to him as he felt her vibrate, knowing she was cumming, and he kissed her deeply as he kept moving.

She moaned into his mouth, unaware the ringing had stopped, and she stilled as he hit into her deeper. She cried his name into their kiss as she felt his body go rigid beneath her and.

He grunted as he shot into her, keeping her down tight to him. He pulled away from her lips, gasping for breath, slowing down before finally stopping. "Damn, Liv," he panted.

She kissed him, rolling her hips once again. "Wow," she breathed, laughing a bit.

He chuckled and gave her bottom a playful slap. "You started it," he said.

"I know I did," she whispered, moving back. Just as she was about to roll off of him, her phone rang again. She looked at Elliot, then down at the phone.

"Answer it," he said, brushing her hair back behind her ears as he rolled them carefully to the side, then laid her on her back on the bed. He kissed her shoulder as she lifted the phone to her ears.

"Benson," she said, slightly out of breath as her eyes slid shut. She felt Elliot brushing her hair back as she listened to Fin. She was almost asleep again when something he said made her shoot up. "What? Where is she?"

"What is it? What happened?" Elliot asked, a bit of worry in his voice.

She held up a finger. "Okay, uh, yeah. You can bring the baby over here and we'll…we'll find her." She sighed and said, "That's what friends do, Fin. Bye."

Elliot looked at her, sitting up, and asked, "What happened?"

"Kathy left," she said, pushing the covers down and climbing off of the bed. "She took clothes, left him a letter and her ring. She's gone."

"She would never leave her child," he said, confused. "She's not…that's not like her."

She nodded as she pulled on some pajama pants and grabbed a tee shirt. "That's what he said. He's scared, and confused, and the baby won't stop crying. I told him to…"

"Yeah, I heard you," he said, getting up and getting dressed. "I'll make coffee, try to call Kathy."

"You think she's really gonna pick up if I…"

"Use my phone," he told her, kissing her. He walked out, into the kitchen, wondering what had driven Kathy to leave the man she'd left him for, and what he could do to fix it. He ran a hand down his face and sighed, hating the fact that he felt a bit vindicated by it all, that Fin now knew a small amount of the pain he'd felt.

Olivia wrapped her arms around him, behind him. "No answer," she said, kissing the dip between his shoulder blades.

He turned and grabbed her, hugging her tightly. "I love you," he said, closing his eyes.

She knew what he was thinking, what was going through his mind, and all she could do was hold him just as close and reassure him. "I love you, too."

**A/N: Where's Kathy? What's in the letter? And a surprise from Cragen which may move things along quicker. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N: "The more we try to hold onto those we love, the lonelier we seem to become."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.**

Olivia was pacing back and forth in the living room. She was holding a crying baby, trying to calm the poor thing, and keeping one eye on Elliot.

He looked haggard, his face drawn and pale, as he shouted into the phone. He had called everyone Kathy knew, and they all told him the same thing. No one knew where she went, or why, or when she would be back.

Olivia bit her lip as she watched Elliot hang up and then quickly dial another number. She didn't know what was going through his head, but part of her couldn't help but think he wanted to find her because he still loved her.

She sat on the couch, the baby now silenced and sleeping, and she fixed her gaze on her partner. He looked consumed with worry, and she wondered briefly what he would be doing if it was her that had gone missing. Would he be making the same crazy calls? Would he be out there trying to find her? Would he just let her go?

She shook her head and closed her eyes, hating the negativity of the thoughts swirling in her head. Of course he would care if she'd left, he'd look for her, and he would drag her back home by her hair. She chuckled, picturing it, and she sighed as she turned her attention to the baby.

"Where's your mommy, little one?" she asked softly.

She felt the dip in the sofa beside her and his voice was exhausted as he spoke. "I wish I knew the answer to that," he said. He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close to him. He kissed her forehead and whispered, "Fin's not having any luck, and the guys we have looking are turning up empty handed. It's like she just vanished into thin air."

"She didn't leave a note? Nothing?" Olivia asked, turning her head up to look at Elliot.

Elliot shook his head and kissed her nose. "Nothing," he said. "She left here, went to see Kathleen, and she was gone."

"What did she say to Katie?" Olivia asked, shifting the baby in her arms to get closer to Elliot.

He kissed her lips softly and said, "She told Katie that she was sorry, that everything was her fault, and we'd all be better off if she left." He shook his head and said, "And then she said that she couldn't watch you marry me, not without trying to stop it, but she had Fin and the baby, and she couldn't destroy another family either."

"That's confusing," she said, tilting her head.

He nodded. "Katie was confused," he chuckled. "Imagine her trying to relay that to me."

Olivia laughed, picturing the conversation, and then she sighed. "So what are you gonna do now?"

"Me?" he questioned, his eyes wide. "No way. I told Fin we'd watch the baby and that I would make some phone calls. Finding her, bringing her back, that's his job. Not mine. She lost the right to drive me crazy when she slept with him the first time."

She raised an eyebrow at him. A silent challenge to what he'd just said.

"Just like if you ever picked up and left, I'd be out there looking for you," he told her. "But I know you better than that. You wouldn't run like she did. Not from me." He brushed her hair back and smiled at her. "If you were gonna run, you would have run long ago."

"I did run," she said, a light sadness in her voice. "I ran from Dean, right to you. Where I belong," she told him, dropping her head to his shoulder.

"Damn right," he said, sighing as she sunk further into him. "You belong with me. You always have, honey. It just took us a while to find that out."

She chuckled and nuzzled into his chest, holding the baby a little more snug between them. As she drifted off, her exhaustion getting the better of her, she had a vision of her in the dress she had tucked away in the closet. She was wearing it for a reason. For Elliot.

* * *

She woke up with a warm blanket draped around her, the baby out of her arms. She blinked, confused, as she sat up. "El?"

"Right here," he said, his voice carrying from the side table. "Fin's in the kitchen, the baby's in the carrier on the table. You fell asleep."

She yawned and nodded. "Thanks for the recap," she said, shoving the blanket off of her and getting up. "Did he find her?"

He just looked at her and her question was answered.

"Damn it," she said softly, stepping toward him.

He sighed and said, "He had Morales track her phone, which was found at a bus station, on a bench."

"Explains why she wasn't answering any calls," she said with a deep sigh. "Does he have any idea where she might have…"

"I do," he interrupted. "He's heating up bottles and then he's gonna go see if I'm right."

She narrowed her eyes. "Where do you think she went?"

"I think she might have gone back to her dad's place in Jersey," he said, running his fingers through her hair. "She always said if things got bad, or she needed to escape, she'd go back to her father."

"I thought he didn't want to have anything to do with…"

"Me," he said, cutting her off. "He didn't want to deal with me. I took his little girl's innocence, her life, and he hated me for it. I married Kathy and he said that he couldn't have anything to do with her. Not until I was out of the picture," he explained with a sigh. "I am, so…"

"Her father, though? After eighteen years?" she asked, shaking her head. "Really?"

"It's worth a shot," he said, kissing her again. "We really don't have any other options, baby."

Fin cleared his throat, turning their heads, and he held up the baby carrier. "You sure it's all right?" he asked, trying to smile.  
"Of course," Olivia said, nodding. "You go find Kathy, and I promise we will take good care of your daughter."

Fin nodded, gave the alert baby a kiss on the cheek, handed Elliot a warm bottle, and left, hoping Elliot was steering him in the right direction, and that he'd find Kathy.

Elliot watched the door slam behind Fin, and then looked at the bottle in his hand. "I haven't held one of these in…"

"Fourteen years," Olivia said, smiling. "Since the twins were little, I know."

He raised an eyebrow and said, "I'm a little out of practice, but I think…I think I should probably get used to this, huh?"

"What?" she asked, furrowing her brow.

He chuckled as he walked toward the baby, and he said, "We're having kids, aren't we?"

"Not right now," she laughed, her heart warming up as she watched Elliot pick up the squirming little girl. There was something so endearing about it, something she loved about seeing him with a baby. She noticed it at work, the cases involving children, and each time she saw it she fell in love with him all over again.

He tilted his head and chuckled as he fed the baby. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Huh?" she asked, not aware that she even was. "Oh, uh, I just…you just…I love you."

He leaned over and kissed her, smiling. "I love you, too, baby." He rocked on his heels, holding the baby, humming softly.

Dickie, his crutches clicking on the hard wood, walked up behind Olivia. "I thought he'd hate her," he said.

Olivia turned her head and squinted. "Your mother?"

"Charlotte," Dickie said, jutting his chin toward the baby. "He's not exactly happy about her existence, and he's pretty pissed at her parents, but there he is, loving her."

"Your father's not going to hold anything against the baby," Olivia said. "She's a part of your life, a part of his, he's accepting that, honey."

Dickie shook his head. "He picked the name, ya know," he said. "Another reason he should hate her."

"What do you mean?" she asked, folding her arms.

"Dad always wanted to name his next kid Charlotte if it was a girl," the teen said. "He and my mother used to talk about it a lot. He had visions of calling her Charlie and making her into this real tomboy. He wanted to make her like you."

Olivia gasped lightly and looked back at Elliot, who was still rocking the baby and smiling at her. "Oh," she said softly.

"Yeah," Dickie said, "So it's just another thing Mom took from him." He shook his head and said, "Just another thing he has to forgive her for, and another thing you have to make him forget about."

She turned her head toward Dickie and tilted her head.

"You know that's what you do," the boy said with a smirk. "You make him forget the bad things, forget the drama, and forget that he ever had anything go wrong. You make him smile and you make him remember what he's really living for, that whatever he was upset about doesn't matter because he has you."

"Dickie," Olivia whispered, tears building in her eyes.

"You do that for all of us, actually," Dickie said, giving her a small smile as he turned on his crutches and walked back toward the guest room. "Goodnight, Liv. I love you."

"I love you, too, sweetheart," she whispered, smiling at him.

"He's right, ya know," Elliot said, placing the baby, who had fallen asleep again, into the carrier.

She moved toward him, silent, and cupped his face. She looked into his eyes and moved in, slowly, pressing her lips to his.

He responded willingly, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her against him. He let his tongue move, taking over her mouth, possessing her. He let his hands wander to her hips, gripping and pulling at her body.

She moaned softly, leaning into him and feeling him press back against her. This kiss was going to become much more if they didn't control themselves.

Baby Charlotte clearly knew, and took it upon herself to save them by crying loudly, breaking the couple apart.

Breathless, they stayed locked in each other's arms as they turned to the baby. "Gotta get used to this again, too," Elliot said, laughing.

Olivia rolled her eyes, but she had an unshakable feeling he was right.

**A/N: Where is Kathy? What does Fin do? And someone comes home sooner than planned. Why? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N: "Only when a person truly forgets the empty feeling of loneliness, will he or she know they've found true love."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.**

Olivia was growing more frustrated by the second. With Fin gone, she and Elliot had almost doubled their work-load, taking on each case as it came in and leaving Munch behind to work the techs and answer the phones. She was irritated, tired, getting her facts mixed up, and she had been feeling sick since she woke up.

She knew. She had a deep, deep feeling, that something was going to happen that would change her life. She just didn't know what, she didn't know if it was good or bad, but she knew it was today.

Elliot walked over to her, flipped through a few papers on her desk, and held out a stapled pack. "Looking for this?" he asked. He narrowed his eyes and whispered, "Calm down. You look like you're about to throw up."

She narrowed her eyes right back at him. "I feel like I might," she admitted. "I just have this feeling that something…"

"Detective Stabler?" a man's voice called into the squad room, interrupting her.

Elliot and Olivia turned toward the door. "That's me," Elliot said, stepping closer to the young, uniformed officer waiting in the entrance.

The rookie took off his hat and nodded at him. "Sir, I'm supposed to drop off a con. My sergeant told me that I was to give immediate custody over to you as soon as she was released."

"She?" Olivia said, surprised and hopeful, but slightly confused.

Elliot took the clipboard out of the officer's hands, and he read it before breaking into a grin. "Wonderful." He signed the form, gave the pen a great swoosh as he crossed his T and dotted his I, and he handed it back to him with a chuckle. "Thank you."

"Right," the cop said, nodding. He turned his head and yelled, "Bring her in, Dave!"

Another officer entered, holding tightly onto a blonde, cuffed and in a bright orange jumpsuit. "Here ya go, Detective," the second man said, unlocking the silver cuffs. "She's all yours," he said, nudging the former prisoner toward Elliot.

Elliot's arms wrapped around her, he pulled her into him, and he sighed as his eyes closed. "Yes, she is," he whispered, ignoring the two uniformed men as they left. "God, Kat," he mumbled, burying his head in his daughter's hair.

"I'm sorry, Daddy," Kathleen mumbled as she sobbed into his chest. "I'm so sorry."

"Shh," he soothed, running a hand through her hair. "What happened? Why did they…"

"Good behavior," she said with a shrug, pulling away from him and wiping her eyes. "They needed the bed for a woman who killed her landlord, and they figured I was no longer a threat to myself or anyone else so they…they made sure I would be in police custody so…"

"Because Liv and I are cops," he said, smirking and giving an understanding nod. It wasn't intentional, it wasn't conscious, but it had felt so right and so natural to include Olivia. To say that she had as much custody of Kathleen as he did. "Come on," he said, giving her a gentle nudge. "Let's get you out of this thing. You can take a shower and get some real sleep upstairs until we can go home."

"That sounds good, Dad," the still-timid girl said. She turned, then, and looked at Olivia. Without saying a word, she pulled the brunette into her arms and whispered a soft, "I missed you, Liv."

"Oh, honey," Olivia whispered back, kissing the top of Katie's head. "I missed you, too, sweetie."

Kathleen looked up, tears in her eyes again. She smiled, nodded, and moved back toward her father. "I need that shower."

Elliot laughed and wrapped an arm around Kathleen. "Come on, honey." He looked at Olivia and smiled, then took his daughter to a storage room to get her some fresh clothes.

Olivia wasn't even aware she was staring after them until Munch appeared at her side. "Weird isn't it?" he asked, interrupting her unconscious thoughts.

"What?" she asked, turning to him.

He chuckled and shook his head, his eyes squinting slightly behind his glasses. "Being somebody's mother."

"I'm not her mother," Olivia said, one hand over her churning stomach. "I don't know where her mother is, actually, so I am just doing my best to make sure she knows she's loved. That's not…"

Munch held up a finger. "You're as good as her mother," he said. "If not better." He winked at her, the light reflecting off of his glasses just a bit, and walked back toward his desk.

Olivia watched him in confusion, then made her way toward the back of the room, hoping that a glass of milk or hot tea would settle her nerves.

* * *

The night had calmed, the cases were either closed or cold, and Elliot and Olivia were barely able to sit up straight in their desks. "Are you all right?" she asked, lifting her head to peer over at him from across the joined tables.

"Me? Fine," he answered, running a hand down his face, trying to get the lewd thoughts of her out of his head while they still had twenty minutes left at work. "Are you? You've looked like…"

"I'm good," she said too quickly, clearing her throat. "I'm really okay. I was just really…I felt funny, but I guess I just knew Katie was coming home, and I'm worried about Kathy and Fin, and the baby kept us up all night, and…"

He laughed, cutting into her tirade. "Okay, I get it. You're sure you're feeling better now? You don't think you're gonna get sick on the way home or anything?"

"I'm fine," she said with a smile. Her phone rang then, and she rolled her eyes praying it was just a survey or misdial. "Benson," she spat, picking up the receiver. She ran a finger over the ring on her left hand, though, reminding herself it wouldn't be "Benson" much longer.

Elliot watched her face pale, her eyes twitch. "What?" he asked, sitting up and leaning forward. "Liv, what…"

She held up a finger. "Where are you? What are you doing all the way…she was with…what?" she was almost yelling. "Well, thank you for the call. Yeah, that's not gonna happen. No, Fin, take as much time as you need. Charlie will be fine with us." She screwed her face up as she realized what she'd done. "Charlotte," she hissed.

Elliot felt the painful pang of resentment at the name, knowing how badly it was supposed to be his daughter. Olivia should be calling their child Charlie, not his ex-wife's. He watched her hang up the phone and he repeated, "What?"

"Fin found Kathy," she said, running her fingers through her hair.

"Yeah, I got that much," he said, sounding a little more snippy than he'd meant.

She eyes him for a moment. "She was in Jersey, but she wasn't with her father." She took a deep breath. "She was with Dean."

Elliot's jaw tightened. "What?"

"She was giving him details…about us. She was telling him how I was planning to wear the dress…" she stopped, her breath catching in her throat. "She told him that she made a mistake and she ruined lives, and she wanted it all to go back to the way it was. She tried to convince him to come back here and fight harder for me, but he…he knew it wouldn't work. He told her he was done, and he just wanted me to be happy."

"How did Fin find all of this out?" Elliot asked, rising from his seat and walking over to her. He pulled her up into his arms, almost roughly, and asked, "How did he find her?"

Olivia sniffled, tears coming for no reason at all. "They were at a diner, Fin walked in to ask if anyone had seen her and there she was. He heard Dean tell her he couldn't…"

His lips were on hers, then, silencing her. "He knows your mine," he whispered.

She nodded with a small smile, feeling his thumbs brush away her tears. "Fin took Kathy to a hotel. They have some things to talk about before…"

"Yeah," Elliot said, nodding. "They do," he said as he sighed and kissed Olivia's forehead. "So do we."

She narrowed her eyes. "What? We don't have…"

"Katie's home," he said, looking up the stairs to the door, behind which his daughter was sleeping. "We don't have to wait anymore."

Olivia let out a soft gasp. "You mean, you wanna talk about…"

"Everything," he whispered with a smile. "I wanna talk about everything." He kissed her lips softly and he wiped away the last of her tears, still unsure of why she'd been crying to begin with. "I want this all planned as soon as possible, baby."

She chuckled and kissed his cheek, then turned and pulled him up the stairs to collect his daughter. The last twenty minutes had gone by fast, and they didn't know how much time they'd be able to spend home, together, with the kids, before the phone rang again, bringing them back to the squad room. She turned the knob and pushed open the door, stunned to see Kathleen awake and staring at the cell phone in her hands.

"Katie?" Elliot prodded, concerned.

A slow smile crossed the teenager's lips. She laughed a bit as she looked at her father. "This was ringing all night." She said, handing the phone to Olivia. "I didn't know it was yours. I thought this was Dad's sweatshirt."

"It is," Olivia said, smiling. "We share that thing." She tapped a few buttons on her phone and said, "No wonder Fin called the station. Seven missed calls. Did you talk to him? Did you answer when he called?"

Kathleen shook her head. "I answered when Doctor Swanson called, whoever that is. I thought it was really important, I wanted to take a message…"

Olivia's eyes popped. "Okay!" she shouted, shutting Kathleen up and ushering her and her father out of the cribs. "I will call him back in the morning. Let's just…"

Kathleen shook her head in protest. "But I know what he…"

"Katie, I will talk to him, I promise," Olivia said, interrupting again. The meaning of the look that passed between her and Kathleen was clear.

Kathleen looked at her father, smirked, then looked back at Olivia. "Okay, Mom. I'll wait." She chuckled and bounded down the steps, eager to get home and into her own bed.

Elliot looked happy and proud, and a little sick. "She just called you…did she just call you…"

Olivia's eyes gleamed, and she nodded as her lips curled into a genuine smile. "Yeah, she did." She kissed Elliot, lingering on his lips a bit too long, and she pulled him down the stairs. She was eager to get home, too, but the last thing on her mind was getting into bed.

She was too concerned about the morning. She had a phone call to make, and that meant she could have something very important to tell Elliot.

**A/N: Hmm…any guesses? Last chapter coming up! Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N: "Only someone who has, once, truly been lonely will know when they're completely fulfilled."**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters? Dick Wolf. This story? TStabler©**

The phone call with her doctor hadn't been what she expected. It hadn't been anything like what she expected. She thought she would somehow feel lighter after speaking to him, but when she hung up, her entire body went numb. It was as if a dark cloud had moved over hear head, enveloping her in a thick bubble of fear and anxiety.

She lurched forward, heaving a bit, then bolted toward the bathroom, dropping her phone to the ground.

Elliot stood, stunned and worried, as he watched the case fly off and the battery sail across the squad room floor. He raised an eyebrow at Munch, who rose to his feet to put Olivia's phone back together, and then he went after Olivia.

He pounded on the door, concern dripping from every pore of his body. "Liv? Come on, open the door."

Olivia reached up, from her position on the ground, and flushed the toilet. She shook her head, wondering how this was all happening, how it was nothing like what she'd imagined. "It's...it's not locked," she said, her eyes closing.

Elliot turned the knob and barreled into the small room, looked around, then gasped a bit when he spotted her on the floor. "What happened?" he asked, worried. He scooped her into his arms, rocking her. "What did he say?"

She shook her head, burying herself in his chest. She couldn't tell him. Not like this. Not on the floor of the department bathroom.

"Something has you all worked up," he told her, kissing her forehead. "Tell me what he said. Are you all right? Is something wrong with..."

"Everything's wrong," she said without thinking. "I...I'm..."

He stopped her, pressing a finger to her lips. He looked at her and his eyes gleamed, he smiled softly and said, "I know."

She shook her head, pressing her lips together, shaking his finger away. "No, El, you don't." She pulled away from him and got to her feet, trying to calm down.

He sighed and got up, walking toward her. He wrapped her in his arms, letting his hands fall to her hips. He moaned quietly as his palms spread and centered themselves over her flat stomach. "Yes," he said, looking at her reflection in the mirror before them. "I do."

She met his hazy expression, she furrowed her brow, and she asked, "How could you possibly..."

"I know you," he whispered, holding the eyes of her image strongly. "I know your routines, I know your body. I knew before you even called...well, I had a feeling, and when Kathleen called you 'Mom' I knew it was her way of telling you what the doctor wanted." He smiled, a big, bright, beautiful smile. "You're pregnant. Aren't you?"

She slid her arms down, rested her hands on top of his, and nodded. Her tears fell, her lip quivered, her breathing quickened.

"Why are you upset?" he asked, his heart breaking. "Liv, baby, this is what you wanted, right? What we both..." he tilted his head. "You think I don't want this?"

She took a breath and though her voice cracked and wavered, she said, "We talked about it, but I know you wanted the wedding first, the..."

"Honey," he interrupted. "It's a piece of paper. It's a big party and piece of paper, one we could have any time, but this...this is a baby. Our baby. If this would have happened right after we slept together for the first time, I would have welcomed it." He kissed the back of her head, and he turned her around to face him. "I love you, so much, and this baby...that only proves it. Doesn't it?"

She gave a cry-choked laugh as she nodded, and she sniffled. "With everything going on, Kathleen coming home, Kathy taking off, us taking care of Char...Charlotte...I didn't think you'd want..."

"With you," he said, cutting her off, "I will take whatever we are given, whenever it happens." He kissed her lips and looked into her eyes. "You're happy about this, right? You want this?"

"Oh, God, El," she breathed, letting herself smile. "More than anything. I'm happy. Happier than..."

He kissed her, silencing her. He pulled away slowly, exhaling as he did, and he whispered, "The wedding can wait. You're not going anywhere, neither am I, and we've got a baby to get ready for." He laughed and said, "And I want you to be able to drink. Champagne at the reception, wine on our honeymoon, we can wait, baby. Our family is more important."

She had to remind herself to breath as she heard those words. He had, once again, shown her that he was nothing like Dean. He had said the one thing she had longed to hear, and it hit her right in the heart. "Our family," she whispered, smiling at him.

He nodded. "You, me, this baby, and our kids at home. Our family."

"El," she said, blinking at him, her tears now dry.

He nuzzled her nose, moaning softly again. "Yeah, baby?" he asked, his voice taking on a new quality.

"We can still name her Charlie, ya know," she offered, biting her lip. "If it's a girl. If it's what you really want."

He stilled. He popped his head up, her offer hitting him hard. "You...you wouldn't mind that..."

"It's an adorable name, El," she said, shrugging. "It's what you want, and there a thousand other people with that name in the world, so it's not like we're protecting the sanctity of Fin's daughter's..."

"You're amazing," he said, tears springing to his eyes once again. "Every day, you show me just how amazing you are, over and over again." He kissed her, wrapping her tightly in his arms, and he whispered, "I love you, Liv. Nothing is ever going to change that."

She closed her eyes, letting the fear roll away, and she whispered, "Ditto." She hoped he would remember, she hoped he would get it.

He squeezed her tighter and chuckled. "God, Benson," he said, nodding into her neck. He was brought back to the early days of their partnership, when they tried like hell to keep a respectable distance from each other. When things got emotional after a hard case, when they came close to losing each other, one would be the brave partner and vocalize what they felt. The other, afraid of repercussions, would simply say, "Ditto."

She chuckled, and she sighed. "I love you, El," she whispered, her hands twisting into his hair.

He kissed her again, deep and slow, then pulled away and grabbed her hands. "We should...we can't spend the whole day in the bathroom." He shrugged and chuckled.

She sighed and nodded, walking out with him, back into the bullpen, back to work, feeling lighter and happier than she could ever remember.

* * *

The months passed, things both calmed down and grew more hectic. Elliot had spent every free moment trying to put together baby furniture, but the hammer wound up making more holes in the walls because of his temper than anything else. He gave up and took Olivia out to buy pieces that were already put together, which saved a lot of time, and a lot of spackle.

He and Dickie painted the spare bedroom a light shade of pink as soon as they found out they were having a girl. Fin, having patched things up with Kathy and, surprisingly, Elliot, came over to help move the furniture into the room.

Olivia read every book about childbirth and parenting she could get her hands on, and was in the middle of a chapter about epidurals and other numbing agents when her first real contraction hit.

Elliot, who was sitting right beside her when it happened, shot up and executed his perfectly planned and timed maneuver, getting her up and to the car, grabbing a few bags on the way, and getting her to the hospital in under five minutes.

They came home without a baby, the first three times. False alarms. But on the fourth, and final, trip down to Mercy General, Olivia pushed and breathed her way through ten hours and fifteen minutes of pure hell, with Elliot holding her hand and supporting her for every second of it, bringing Charlotte Olivia Stabler into the world.

Olivia had protested for months, arguing over the middle name, but Elliot stood his ground. He had named her before he even knew about her, before he even thought about having a child with his partner. It was the name he'd chosen for his next child, seven years ago, and he was blessed to be able to give it to the daughter he now had with Olivia.

Looking at her now, as they laid together in the hospital bed, it was clear that it was the name she was meant to have. "Charlie," Elliot whispered, grazing her cheek lightly with the back of his finger. "My Charlie." He bent down and kissed her forehead. "You're gonna be just like Mommy," he told the sleeping baby.

Olivia laughed and asked, "You really want her to be like me?"

"Liv, I have dreamed about having a little girl, so I could raise her to be like you, since the moment I met you." He kissed her lips and nuzzled her nose, and he said, "The beauty of this is now you get to help me do it. Show her how to be like you, be her example, her role model." He kissed her again and said, "Her mother."

She dropped her head to his shoulder, exhausted, and looked around the room. The older kids were scattered around the floor and furniture, sound asleep. The baby in her arms was sleeping peacefully, warn out from her long and trying journey. She yawned, realizing that she was pretty tired, too, and these people had the right idea.

She nudged Elliot, handing him the baby. "Maybe we should get some sleep," she said with another yawn.

"I got her," he whispered, getting off of the bed to lay the baby in the plastic baby-bed on wheels beside him. He smiled down at her and kissed her softly again, then made his way back over to Olivia. He got into the bed with her, wrapped her in his arms, and said, "We did good, baby."

"Yeah," she said, yawning one more time. "She's perfect."

"Our whole family is perfect," he said, his eyes closing as his lips found hers.

As she kissed him, she sighed, content. She let her eyes close, and her last thought before falling into a much-needed sleep was that she had finally accepted it. She had finally realized that she was home, and she was bound to a real family, stable and solid, for the rest of her life.

She knew there were a lot of lonely people in the world, and every day there were at least two more, but she would never again be one of them.

**A/N: I would like to wish everyone reading this, whether you are a mother, father, or child, a very happy Mother's Day. Share your love with the people around you today, and thank them for keeping you from being lonely. Thank you for reading, and I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212 **


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